連續三日，山莊又一次熱鬧非常，只因沈大公子又從鬼門關繞回一次。
喧囂聲中的沈清軒安之若素，一襲月牙白袍，坐在椅上微笑著，欣然接受各方傳遞來的關切，頷首傾聽謙遜有禮，端的一派儒雅風流。
惹得惋惜聲又是一片，都說多好兒郎，偏偏命運這般捉弄。
沈清軒對這些憐憫話早已練就一身銅皮鐵骨，聽在他耳裡，自是不痛不癢。卻觸動一旁的沈母心思，幾次落下淚來，又怕沈清軒看見更添難過，連忙避過頭去拭淚。
她這番動作，又怎能躲過沈清軒的利眼，母子連心，沈清軒知她心裡所想，所以也裝作不曾看到，將視線轉到他人身上。
酒宴開席時，沈清軒便讓丫鬟推著離席而去。人人都知道沈清軒身子骨孱弱，不善飲酒，兼大病初愈，更不能陪客勞神，便一一囑咐他好生歇息，待沈清軒離開後，才舉杯暢飲起來。
沈清軒回到房中，透過窗櫺聽了會外面的嘈雜，暗自冷笑。這樣的酒宴也不知開了多少回，也不知將來還要開多少回。誰知道呢？
就算伊墨援手，讓他一年過後與常人無異，卻也不知將來又會遭些什麼磨難。
風水輪轉，世事無常。
自冰窟裡被人救醒後，沈清軒才領悟父親經常念叨在口中這八個字的含義。
誰又料想的到，那溫柔婉轉，含羞帶怯嫁入沈家三年的小家碧玉——往日裡對他愛護有加的二娘會使人險些要了他的性命呢？
想都不曾想過。
甚至現在想起來，即使隔了這麼多歲月冷眼旁觀，傷痛依舊。
正出神間，院中傳來一陣急急忙忙的腳步聲，那腳步極是輕快，又帶著急切，以及官靴特有的重音。沈清軒暗沉的目光微微亮起，臉上始終掛著的微笑也露出幾分真意。
“哥哥！”房門猛地被推開了，帶動了些許塵埃，陽光自外照射進來，浮塵起舞間露出一張眉目清朗的臉，因是親人相見，那張英氣勃勃的臉上帶了些孩童才有的莽撞。
見兄長坐在椅上，笑意盈盈地看著自己，年輕人也窘了一下，忙收回手，恢復幾分穩重，才施禮道：“哥哥。”
沈清軒招了招手，將人喚到自己身邊，才攥著他的手將那高大的身子拉下來，手指慣性的在對方額頭上彈了一下，開口無聲地道：我以為你長進了些，怎麼還這麼橫衝直撞。
兄長的唇語，沈楨自幼就看得懂，連忙一手揉著不痛不癢的額頭，哼道：“我倒想含蓄些，就怕把你唬得不認我這個弟弟。”
沈清軒聞言笑了，在那束得整齊的發冠上撫了撫，問：今天怎麼有空來看我？
“哥哥大病初愈，我怎麼能不來？”沈楨蹲著身子，一手撐在兄長腿上，湊到他面前撒嬌，如兒時那般，眉眼間滿滿的血濃於水的親人間才有的信賴和依戀，沈清軒望著那張神似二娘的臉，只覺心中平靜，對著這張從小膩歪在身旁的臉，實在起不了恨意。
即使明知道，自己淪落到今天這個地步，全是因為這個人。
那年剛剛滿周歲的，沈家次子。
沈老爺曾一手摟著長子，一手托著尚在繈褓中吮著拇指安睡的次子，與兩位夫人面前，充滿得意地說：來日我這長子就光耀我沈家門楣，拜相封侯。將來我等老了，養老送終的事就靠這小傢伙，如此，我沈家一家，算圓滿了。
言中的期許之意，全部落在年僅七歲的沈清軒身上。
他只看到長子聰慧，盤算這沈家門楣，卻不曾看到身前兩位夫人的微笑，其中一張臉上的微笑裡，藏了多少不甘與委屈。
憑什麼，僅僅因為是次子，就落得個圈養在家，一生碌碌無名的前途？
婦人心胸狹窄，其時並未想過，人各有命，若其子果然爭氣，沈老爺又怎麼會不顧其前途。不過是興高采烈時的信口開河罷了。她卻當了真。生了歹心，害了沈清軒一生。
待她終於想的明白，大錯已鑄成。
拍了拍膝上趴著的青年背部，沈清軒望著他道：入了仕，刀槍也就落下了吧？
沈楨連忙搖頭：“哪有的事，哥哥不信我們去院裡，我舞給你看。”
沈清軒笑著點頭，沈楨連忙起身推著他，兄弟兩人出了房門，停在院中空曠之地中。
沈楨取了一根長棍，耍了個花式，持棍道：“哥哥看好了，弟弟給你耍棍兒。”
沈清軒依舊笑，笑的開懷。
沈楨見狀也咧嘴一笑，手中木棍宛若靈蛇般遊動起來，掄舞時掃出風聲呼嘯，激得塵埃四濺，光影迷離，砸在地面上發出沉悶聲響，黃土地上砸出坑道，力若千鈞。
沈清軒看得入神，直至一套棍法耍完，連忙拍掌，絲毫不掩贊許之意。
得了兄長誇讚，沈楨愈發得意起來，丟了棍，拿了一柄長槍，又耍了一套槍法予沈清軒看，比棍法略遜些，卻也虎虎生威。
兄弟二人在院中，一人耍給一人看，直玩到紅日夕下，沈清軒才示意停下，叫人送了濕巾和熱茶來。
沈楨咕嚕咕嚕灌下一盞茶，拭了把臉上的汗，又朝沈清軒湊過去，道：“哥哥，可有指教的？”
沈清軒橫他一眼：我指教你什麼？
沈楨嘿嘿笑：“哥哥少來，爹說你小時候喜歡舞槍弄棒，還偷偷拿著武師的長戟捅鳥窩，惹的師父發了好大一通火，你敢不承認？”
沈清軒聞言回想，依稀憶起一些，卻記不起更具體的經過。
這些陳年舊事，若沈楨不提，沈清軒是想不起來的。即使此刻沈楨提起，他仍舊想不起來。
偶有片段自腦海裡浮閃而過，也不覺得那些事曾發生在自己身上。
那些往事，恍惚是前世或更久遠之前，被泛黃的光陰洇成了一張脆薄的紙，一碰就碎。
殘缺不全。
沈清軒臉色稍稍沉鬱下去。
沈楨知道自己說錯話，連忙轉開話題，拉起沈清軒放在膝上的手，興沖沖道：“哥哥，我難得上山一次，叫我累了這半日。你陪我下盤棋吧。”
沈清軒提起神來，道：輸了怎麼辦？
沈楨揉了揉額角，低聲湊到兄長耳邊：“老樣子？”
沈清軒也喜悅起來，點頭答應，兩人回到房裡。
茶水點心俱讓小廝送進房內，一一備齊後沈楨將門窗關緊，又檢查一遍關的是否嚴實，像是深怕被人發現什麼似的，一副做賊心虛的表情。看的沈清軒悶笑不已。
榻上軟席鋪開，他們二人對面而坐。沈清軒又將棋盤擦拭一遍，取出黑白棋子，問：老樣子？
沈楨連忙點頭，怕他反悔似的，搶過黑子來先落了一子，又落了一子，再落一子。
棋局剛開，他搶了黑子，先落三子。
沈清軒挑眉，望了他好一會，無聲罵道：真沒長進。
沈楨連忙駁道：“你是兄長，長我七歲，本該讓我七子才是。如今才三子，長進已是不小了。”
沈清軒執著白子落下，不理會他。
沈楨也沉靜下來，觀著棋局，認真博弈起來。
沈楨先時占了便宜，一炷香的時間，將那棋局殺的詭譎難測，奇峰突出，圍剿了沈清軒一片白子，頗為得意。
沈清軒卻頭也不抬，只管落子。一盤局行至兩柱香的時間，將沈楨的尖峰棱角無一不漏地斬除殆盡，白子更如猛龍盤踞山巒，蓄勢待發，只等一聲令下，頃刻即可將這局中江山奪與手中。
“哥哥，”沈楨抹了把額上並不存在的冷汗，忙道：“哥哥開闔有度，行局大氣……”饒了弟弟這把如何？
話還沒說完，沈清軒眉眼含笑，已側身取過擺在一旁的筆，飽蘸墨汁緩緩道：馬屁莫拍，抬起臉來。
沈楨連忙閉了嘴，苦哈哈的將臉遞過去。
片刻後那俊朗臉上，便多了一隻爬行狀的大烏龜。
沈楨跳下榻，拿起鏡子照了照，唉聲歎氣：“我這馬屁越拍，這烏龜越發活靈活現。可見馬屁還是要拍一拍的，尤其是哥哥的馬屁。”
沈清軒不耐煩地拍了拍棋盤，道：再來。
沈楨只好又坐回去，一邊還仔細查看窗戶可有漏縫，免得叫外人看了去。那可丟死人了。
直至晚間飯時，兩人依舊緊閉門窗，不肯出來。眾奴僕在外候著，因裡面遲遲不許擺飯，終於驚動了沈老爺。
沈老爺得聞兒子們不肯進食，慌忙趕來，站在門外問：“出什麼事了你們？”
片刻後屋內才傳來沈楨的聲音：“爹，我在陪兄長博弈。”
沈老爺先時一愣，而後臉上憋出一股怪異的神情，站了片刻，揮手趕走眾奴僕，“你們先下去，將飯菜溫著，一個時辰後再端來。”
將人趕走後，沈老爺倚著門，低聲道：“軒兒，放爹進來瞅瞅。”
門內頓時一番大驚小怪的慌亂聲，沈老爺老神在在的等著，果然小兒子擰不過大兒子，沈清軒推著輪椅開了門。
進門瞅了瞅，沈老爺走向屏風處，仍是慈祥的聲音：“出來讓爹看看。”
屏風後鴉雀無聲。
“別跟個大姑娘似的，出來讓爹看看。”沈老爺繼續哄著。
沈楨死活不出來。
沈清軒重新關好門，過去一把推倒了屏風。沈楨沒料到哥哥會來這一手，躲也躲不及，本能地扶著欲倒的屏風閃出來。
這一瞬間，沈老爺想看的畫面已經看到了，“噗”的一聲又連忙憋住，憋的鬍鬚直顫。
沈清軒亦低著臉，雙肩不停聳動，可見是憋得狠了。
沈楨站在那裡，滿臉或爬或立或打滾的烏龜，耳根上都沒放過，兩邊耳垂各自一隻微小烏龜，在伸脖蹬腿。
沈老爺捂著肚子，手指直哆嗦地指著沈清軒，語不成聲：“你、你這……你這兄長，可真是不、不不……像話。”
沈清軒立時抬起頭，黑亮的眼睛一眨不眨的看著自家爹爹。
父子二人對視片刻，突然猛地各自撇開臉去，一人張口無聲大笑，一人笑的幾乎斷氣。
沈楨先時還羞憤嚷嚷不許兩人再笑。後來見他們誰也停不下來，弓腰捂胸，笑的喘不上氣，嚇得也顧不上自己丟臉，連忙跑過去一手拍一個的後背幫著順氣，深怕這二人笑出病來。
殊不知他兄長和父親，一扭頭看到那張掛滿焦急之色的大花臉，就是想停也停不下來。
沈清軒更是數次險些笑出聲音，只好咬著舌尖，將滾到喉口的聲音又咽下去。
歡喜也歡喜的極辛苦。
近二十年，就沒有不辛苦的時候。
————————————————
For three consecutive days, the villa was bustling again, simply because Young Master Shen had returned from the gates of hell again.
Amid the hustle and bustle, Shen Qingxuan remained calm and composed, wearing a crescent-shaped white robe, sitting on a chair with a smile on his face. He gladly accepted the concerns conveyed by all parties, nodded his head and listened humbly and politely, truly an elegant and refined person.
This caused another round of voices of regret . Everyone said he was such a good boy, but fate played such a trick on him.
Shen Qingxuan had already trained himself to be strong and tolerant to these words of pity, so they did not hurt him at all. However, they touched the heart of Shen’s mother, who burst into tears several times. She was afraid that Shen Qingxuan would be even more sad if she saw them, so she quickly turned her head away to wipe away her tears.
How could her actions escape Shen Qingxuan’s sharp eyes? Mother and son are connected by heart, and Shen Qingxuan knew what she was thinking, so he pretended not to see it and turned his gaze to others.
When the banquet started, Shen Qingxuan asked the maid to push him away. Everyone knew that Shen Qingxuan was weak and not good at drinking. He had just recovered from a serious illness and could not accompany guests. So they told him to rest well and only started drinking after Shen Qingxuan left.
Shen Qingxuan returned to his room, listened to the noise outside through the window, and sneered to himself. I don’t know how many times such banquets have been held, and I don’t know how many more will be held in the future. Who knows?
Even if Yi Mo helps him and makes him normal after a year, no one knows what kind of hardships he will face in the future.
Things change with time.
After being rescued from the ice cave, Shen Qingxuan finally understood the meaning of the eight words his father often repeated.
Who could have expected that the gentle, shy and beautiful girl who had been married to the Shen family for three years – the second mother who had always loved him so much – would almost take his life?
Never thought about it.
Even now when I think about it, even after so many years, the pain is still there.
Just as he was lost in thought, there was a sound of hurried footsteps in the courtyard. The footsteps were extremely brisk, urgent, and had the unique emphasis of official boots. Shen Qingxuan’s dark eyes lit up slightly, and the smile on his face also revealed some sincerity.
“Brother!" The door was suddenly pushed open, stirring up some dust. The sunlight shone in from outside, and a face with clear features was revealed in the dancing dust . Because it was a meeting between relatives, the heroic face had some of the recklessness that only children have.
Seeing his brother sitting on the chair and looking at him with a smile, the young man was embarrassed for a moment, and quickly withdrew his hand, regained some composure, and then bowed and said, “Brother."
Shen Qingxuan waved his hand and called the man to his side, then he grabbed his hand and pulled the tall body down. He flicked his fingers on the other’s forehead out of habit and said silently: I thought you had improved a lot, why are you still so reckless.
Shen Zhen had understood his brother’s lip language since he was a child. He rubbed his forehead with one hand and snorted, “I want to be more subtle, but I’m afraid you will be scared and disown me as your brother."
Shen Qingxuan smiled when he heard that, stroked his neatly tied hair, and asked: How come you have time to come and see me today?
“My brother has just recovered from a serious illness, how could I not come?" Shen Zhen squatted, supported one hand on his brother’s leg, and came to him to act coquettishly, just like when they were children, with his eyebrows and eyes full of trust and attachment that only exist between blood relatives. Shen Qingxuan looked at the face that looked like Er Niang, and felt calm in his heart. He could not feel any hatred towards this face that had been beside him since childhood.
Even though I know that it is all because of this person that I have fallen to this state.
The second son of the Shen family, who had just turned one year old that year.
Mr. Shen once held his eldest son in one hand and his second son, who was still in the cradle and sucking his thumb and sleeping, in the other hand. In front of the two ladies, he said proudly: “In the future, my eldest son will bring honor to my Shen family and be appointed as a prime minister. In the future, when I am old, I will rely on this little guy to take care of me and see me to the end of my life. In this way, my Shen family will be complete."
All the expectations in these words fell on Shen Qingxuan, who was only seven years old.
He only saw the intelligence of his eldest son and the consideration for the Shen family’s future, but he did not see the smiles of the two ladies in front of him. The smile on one of their faces concealed so much resentment and grievance.
Why, just because he is the second son, should he be kept in captivity at home and live a mediocre life?
The woman was narrow-minded. She had not thought at that time that everyone had their own destiny. If his son really did succeed, how could Mr. Shen not care about his future? It was just a random remark when she was in high spirits. But she took it seriously. She had evil intentions and ruined Shen Qingxuan’s life.
By the time she finally figured it out, the big mistake had already been made.
Patting the back of the young man lying on his knees, Shen Qingxuan looked at him and said: Once you enter the officialdom , you will put down your weapons, right?
Shen Zhen quickly shook his head: “That’s impossible. If you don’t believe me, let’s go to the courtyard and I’ll dance for you."
Shen Qingxuan smiled and nodded, and Shen Zhen quickly got up and pushed him. The two brothers walked out of the room and stopped in an open space in the yard.
Shen Zhen took a long stick, did some fancy moves, and said, “Watch out, brother. I’ll show you how to play with the stick."
Shen Qingxuan was still laughing, laughing happily.
Shen Zhen also grinned upon seeing this, and the wooden stick in his hand swam like a spirit snake, sweeping out the wind whistling as he swung it , causing dust to fly everywhere, and the light and shadows to blur. It made a dull sound when it hit the ground, and smashed a tunnel in the yellow earth with a force of a thousand pounds.
Shen Qingxuan watched with fascination until the set of stick techniques was finished , then he clapped his hands, not hiding his approval at all.
With his brother’s praise, Shen Zhen became more proud. He threw away his stick, picked up a spear, and showed Shen Qingxuan his spear skills. His skills were slightly inferior to his stick skills, but still very powerful.
The two brothers were in the yard, one playing for the other , and they played until the sun set. Then Shen Qingxuan signaled them to stop and asked someone to bring them wet wipes and hot tea.
Shen Zhen gulped down a cup of tea, wiped the sweat off his face, and leaned towards Shen Qingxuan again, saying, “Brother, do you have any advice for me?"
Shen Qingxuan glanced at him: What can I teach you?
Shen Zhen chuckled, “Brother, stop it. Dad said that when you were a kid you loved to wield spears and sticks, and you even secretly used a martial arts master’s halberd to poke a bird’s nest, which made the master very angry. Do you dare to deny it?"
Shen Qingxuan recalled what happened and vaguely remembered some things, but he couldn’t remember the more specific details.
If Shen Zhen didn’t mention these old things, Shen Qingxuan wouldn’t be able to remember them. Even if Shen Zhen mentioned them now, he still couldn’t remember them.
Occasionally, fragments of memories flash through my mind , but I don’t feel that those things have ever happened to me.
Those past events, which seemed to be from the previous life or even longer ago, were stained by the yellowing time and turned into a brittle piece of paper that would break at the slightest touch.
incomplete.
Shen Qingxuan’s face darkened slightly.
Shen Zhen knew that he had said the wrong thing, so he quickly changed the subject, took Shen Qingxuan’s hand that was on his knee, and said excitedly: “Brother, it’s rare for me to go up the mountain, and I’ve been tired for half a day. Please play a game of chess with me."
Shen Qingxuan came to his senses and said: What if we lose?
Shen Zhen rubbed his forehead and whispered in his brother’s ear: “Same old?"
Shen Qingxuan also became happy, nodded in agreement, and the two returned to the room.
tea and snacks into the room. After everything was ready, Shen Zhen closed the doors and windows tightly, and checked again to see if they were tightly closed. He looked like he was afraid of being discovered, with a guilty look on his face. Shen Qingxuan couldn’t help laughing.
The soft mat was spread out on the couch , and the two of them sat opposite each other. Shen Qingxuan wiped the chessboard again, took out the black and white chess pieces, and asked: Same as before?
Shen Zhen nodded quickly, as if afraid that he would go back on his word, and snatched the black piece and placed it first, then another, and then another.
As soon as the game started, he grabbed the black pieces and placed the first three pieces.
Shen Qingxuan raised his eyebrows, looked at him for a long time, and cursed silently: You have made no progress.
Shen Zhen quickly retorted, “You are my elder brother, seven years older than me, so you should have given me the seventh son. Now you only have the third son, and you have made great progress."
Shen Qingxuan insisted on dropping the white piece and ignored him.
Shen Zhen also calmed down, watched the chess game, and played it seriously.
Shen Zhen took advantage at first. Within a stick of incense’s time, he made the chess game unpredictable and unexpected. He surrounded and wiped out Shen Qingxuan’s white pieces and was quite proud of himself.
Shen Qingxuan did not even raise his head, but just kept on making moves. In the time it took to last two incense sticks, he had completely eliminated all of Shen Zhen’s sharp edges and corners, and the white pieces were like a fierce dragon perched on a mountain, ready to go, just waiting for the order to seize the kingdom in this game in an instant.
“Brother," Shen Zhen wiped the non-existent cold sweat from his forehead and said hurriedly: “Brother is very tactful and generous…" How about letting his younger brother off this time?
Before he finished speaking, Shen Qingxuan, with a smile on his face, had already leaned sideways to pick up the pen placed beside him, dipped the pen in ink and said slowly: Stop flattering me, raise your head.
Shen Zhen quickly shut up and turned his face away with a bitter look.
A moment later, a large crawling turtle appeared on that handsome face.
Shen Zhen jumped off the couch, picked up a mirror and looked at himself, then sighed, “The more I flatter, the more vivid this turtle becomes. It shows that you still have to flatter, especially your brother."
Shen Qingxuan patted the chessboard impatiently and said: Come again.
Shen Zhen had no choice but to sit back down, carefully checking the windows to see if there were any leaks, to avoid being seen by outsiders. That would be so embarrassing.
Even at dinner time, the two still kept the doors and windows closed and refused to come out. The servants were waiting outside, and because they were not allowed to set up the meal, they finally alarmed Master Shen.
When Mr. Shen heard that his sons refused to eat, he hurried over and stood outside the door and asked, “What happened to you?"
After a while, Shen Zhen’s voice came from inside the room: “Dad, I’m playing a game with my brother."
Master Shen was stunned for a moment, then a strange expression appeared on his face. He stood for a moment, waved his hand to drive away the servants, “You go down first, keep the food warm , and bring it back in an hour."
After driving the people away, Master Shen leaned against the door and whispered, “Xuan’er, let Dad in to take a look."
There was a sudden commotion inside the door. Mr. Shen waited calmly . As expected, the younger son was no match for the older son, so Shen Qingxuan pushed the wheelchair and opened the door.
After entering the room and taking a look, Master Shen walked to the screen and said in a kind voice, “Come out and let Dad see you."
There was total silence behind the screen.
“Don’t act like a grown-up girl. Come out and let daddy see you." Master Shen continued to coax her.
Shen Zhen refused to come out no matter what.
Shen Qingxuan closed the door again, and went over to push down the screen. Shen Zhen had not expected his brother to do this, and he could not dodge in time, so he instinctively held onto the falling screen and dodged .
At this moment, Mr. Shen had already seen the scene he wanted to see, and he quickly held back a “puff" sound, which made his beard tremble.
Shen Qingxuan also lowered his head, his shoulders shaking constantly, and it was obvious that he was holding it in very hard.
Shen Zhen stood there, his face full of turtles crawling, standing or rolling, not even sparing his ears. There was a tiny turtle on each earlobe, stretching its neck and kicking its legs.
Master Shen held his stomach, pointed at Shen Qingxuan with trembling fingers, and said incoherently: “You, you… your brother, you are really not… not… decent."
Shen Qingxuan immediately raised his head, and looked at his father with his bright dark eyes without blinking.
The father and son looked at each other for a moment, then suddenly turned their faces away. One of them laughed silently, while the other almost died of laughter.
At first, Shen Zhen was so ashamed that he shouted at them not to laugh anymore. But when he saw that neither of them could stop laughing, they bent their backs and covered their chests, laughing so hard that they couldn’t breathe, he was so scared that he didn’t care about his own embarrassment. He quickly ran over and patted each of them on the back to help them breathe, fearing that they would get sick from laughing.
Little did he know that when his brother and father turned around and saw that big clown face full of anxiety, they couldn’t stop even if they wanted to.
Shen Qingxuan almost laughed out loud several times, so he had to bite the tip of his tongue and swallow the sound that was rolling to his throat.
It is extremely hard to be happy.
In the past twenty years, there has been no time that is not hard.
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