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評分:3 分,滿分為 5。

遇蛇 Snake Encounter 3·3

  沈玨走後,院子裡又安靜了些,原本伊墨就寡言,柳延少語甚至不語,家中只有沈玨話多,鎮日裡聒噪。現今沈玨一走,安靜的院內連伊墨都覺得有些陌生。似乎也體味到了什麼,從來不說話的柳延開始說話了。仿佛牙牙學語,鸚鵡學舌,先是一個字一個字的說:好、不、走、吃、睡、抱。
  通常他張著手,要伊墨抱的時候,伊墨就將他抱起來,走一段路再放下。
  現在卻又黏糊許多,放下了也不挪窩,就直直地戳在伊墨身前,說:伊墨,抱。
  困了會說:伊墨,睡。餓了會說:伊墨,餓。
  久而久之,伊墨發現他說話之前,都要帶上自己的名字。仿佛蘊含著某種執拗似的,任何事情只要他說,就要喊自己的名字。哪怕與自己無關,譬如他自己在山上看到一隻鳥,哪怕伊墨不在身邊,也會說:伊墨,飛。
  這日,柳延蹲在溪邊看蝌蚪時又一句自說自話:伊墨,躲。他的意思,是指蝌蚪鑽進了水草下看不見了。伊墨站在他身後,聞言忍不住一把扯了柳延肩頭,將他拉起來,轉身對著自己。
  柳延是傻的,突然被拽起來,也不知道要做什麼,仍然保持看蝌蚪低頭的姿勢,不曉得抬臉。
  伊墨鉗住他的下巴,逼著他抬起臉來,望著那雙無辜的眼,問:“為什麼每次都要叫我?”
  柳延傻乎乎地看著他,似乎聽懂了他的問題,也似乎聽不懂,只望著那張好看的臉,嘴唇動了半天,似乎想回答什麼,卻說不出來,最後,憋了半天,也只憋出兩個字:伊墨。
  “伊墨,”柳延說,抬手環住他的頸項,少年的單薄身體貼在他的胸口,說:“伊墨。”
  不管伊墨如何問,如何審,柳延只睜著一雙呆滯又無邪的眼,一遍一遍地喚他:“伊墨。”
  這兩個字,他說的特別清晰,舌頭抵著下牙,嘴唇拉平,緩緩叫出他的姓氏,又抿起唇再分開,吐出他的名。
  “伊墨。”他喚,聲音呢喃,依戀滿滿,宛若愛語。
  伊墨閉上眼,不知道他是真傻,還是假傻。最後睜開眼,也無話可說,將少年擁在身前,低語一句:“你這傻子。”
  柳延聽了這話,埋在他胸前,許久,才含混著語音,說了一句他從未說過的話。
  柳延說:“你,不,喜歡,我,因為,我傻,嗎?”
  第一次說這麼長的句子,他說得斷斷續續,伊墨卻不由得怔了一下。這幾年,他從未說過不喜歡他,當然,也沒有說過喜歡。
  這樣呆傻的孩子,伊墨做不到,將他與腦中的沈清軒重疊。那樣聰慧的沈清軒,即使轉世為季玖,也聰慧不減,風華更甚。又哪裡,是眼前的傻子能夠比的?如不是越來越相似的眉眼,和胸口那粒朱砂,伊墨幾乎不知道該怎麼讓自己相信,這個傻子,就是他要找的人。
  能夠做到的,就是照顧他,對他好。更多的,卻辦不到了。伊墨承認,對這傻柳延,他是抗拒地抵觸著。
  尤其每每對上那雙不再靈動的雙眼時,這種抵觸就更為濃烈。
  
  卻不知道什麼時候開始,看似呆傻愚蠢的柳延,已經知道了他的抗拒,在他的簡單思維裡,這種抗拒就轉化成更為直接的“不喜歡”。
  見他不答,柳延垂下頭,也不再說話。少了一魂一魄,他本來就比常人愚笨,動作也緩慢遲鈍,所以,即使是傷心,也不會表達。只低著頭,像個失去庇護的幼小動物,對著眼前現實束手無策。
  最終伊墨抱住了他,低頭親了親他的發頂,低聲道:“沒有不喜歡。”
  柳延許久都沒有回應,伊墨知道他無論做什麼都慢,也安靜等著。溪水潺潺流淌,林風搖動樹梢,蔥郁的綠色裡,一身黑袍的男人抱著身前少年,雙方都是一動不動,柳延勾著他的頸項,偎在他胸前。晴天朗朗,多麼哀傷。
  良久,柳延說:“我,傻,所以,都,不,喜歡,我。”
  伊墨蹙眉問:“誰都不喜歡你?”
  又是很久時間,柳延答:“爹,娘,伊墨。”
  伊墨愣住,有些不信。當初抱他上山時才四歲,一般孩子記事也不該這麼早,這傻子,怎麼會記得這麼清楚?
  伊墨又問:“你還記得以前的事嗎?你娘,你爹?”
  柳延努力地轉動遲鈍的腦筋回答他:“爹,娘,不好。伊墨,好。”又抓著伊墨的衣襟,笨笨地道:“不喜歡,傻子,伊墨也,好。”
  就這麼一句話,伊墨突然覺得難過起來,問他:“我好嗎?”
  柳延肯定地道:“好。”
  伊墨又問:“喜歡我嗎?”
  柳延說:“喜歡。”
  
  難以分辨究竟是出於什麼心理,伊墨低下頭,說:“我不喜歡傻子。”
  這是他第一次見到柳延哭,從出生到現在,柳延從沒有哭過,但是今天哭了。收起勾在他頸項的手臂,垂在身側,然後望著伊墨的眼睛,圓潤的眼睛裡佈滿水霧,凝結成珠,一粒粒往下掉。張著嘴,卻沒有哭出聲音來。無聲無息的,連哭,都像個十足的傻子。
  伊墨靜靜看著他的眼淚,不知道為什麼自己要說這樣的話,也不知道為什麼,看到他哭出來,心頭煩悶卻奇異的緩解了許多。
  用手指沾了淚珠,伊墨放進口中,舔了舔,又鹹又澀。
  傻子還是在掉眼淚,一聲不吭的悶悶的從眼睛裡跑出許多雨水,在白淨的臉上刷出兩道水痕,水珠掛在下巴上,不停地往地上奔。
  就這麼哭了許久,伊墨重新將他抱進懷裡,帶回家中。一直,也沒有出聲安慰。
  哭得累了,柳延蜷縮在床上,睡著了。伊墨坐在他身旁,看著睡夢中都在哭泣的臉,看了很久,才低低地自言自語一句:
  “這是你第三次為我哭。”
  
  第二日醒來,傻子坐在床上,抱著自己的膝蓋,紅腫的眼睛還是佈滿水霧,不停往下流著眼淚,像是這些年蓄藏的眼淚終於找到了缺口,傾瀉著要耗盡。伊墨替他穿衣,他在哭,伊墨給他束髮,他還在哭,洗漱時水滴怎麼也擦不盡,餵飯時柳延的眼睛已經腫得睜不開了。
  最後伊墨道:“難看的很。”
  柳延哭著望著他。
  伊墨道:“我騙你的。”伸手摸了摸那雙紅腫的眼,伊墨輕歎一聲:“傻子我也要。”
  柳延不懂他話裡意思,仍是無聲地哭著,伊墨揉著他的頭,將柳延抱進自己懷裡,緊緊抱了一陣,才冷下聲音威脅了一句:“再哭就不要你了。”
  沒一會,柳延的淚水就停止了。
  伊墨說:“以後不許哭。”
  柳延偎在他胸前,像是怕極了他不要自己,緊緊抓著他的衣襟,直點頭。
  伊墨見狀拍著他的背,小心安撫,心裡還是不知道他究竟有多傻。說他傻,卻記事那麼早,說他不傻,又徹頭徹尾傻的徹底,隨便一句話就能哭一天。
  傻乎乎的沈清軒,伊墨想了想,覺得好像也不是很差勁。
  伊墨說:“傻子。”
  柳延抬起頭,不知他為什麼喊自己。
  伊墨道:“眼睛腫了,難看,醜的很。”
  柳延遲鈍的明白過來,知道他又嫌棄自己了,委委屈屈地拉著他的衣襟,將臉湊過去,道:“伊墨,親,痛。”
  伊墨笑了,在他眼皮上親了一下,又在送上來的右眼皮上親了一下,問:“還有哪裡痛。”
  柳延發了好一會呆,才能回答上他的問題,斷斷續續地道:“伊墨,不,喜歡,傻子,我,這裡,痛。”說著抓起他的手,放到了心口的位置,認認真真,誠實地告訴他:
  “這裡,痛。”
  
  手下肌膚溫熱,不再瘦骨嶙峋,有了軟滑的觸感,伊墨頓了頓,手指在他心口那點朱紅上搔動著,低語道:“那就更痛點……”
  說著親上他的耳畔,一字一句道:“為我更痛點。你痛了,我才舒服點。”
  柳延癡癡望著他,又低頭,看著在自己胸口搔撓的修長手指,看了片刻,雖是不懂,卻也答應:
  “好。”
  
  因為他誠懇的答應,所以伊墨看他許久,最後仍是一句:“傻子。”

————————————————

After Shen Jue left, the yard became quieter. Originally, Yi Mo was taciturn, and Liu Yan was seldom or even silent. Only Shen Jue was talkative and noisy all day long. Now that Shen Jue was gone, even Yi Mo felt a little strange in the quiet yard. As if he had sensed something, Liu Yan, who never spoke, began to speak. He was like a babbling parrot, first saying word by word : yes, no, go, eat, sleep, hold.

Usually when he opened his arms and asked Yi Mo to hold him, Yi Mo would pick him up, walk for a distance and then put him down.

But now he was much clingier again. He didn’t move even after being put down. He just stood straight in front of Yi Mo and said: Yi Mo, hug me.

When you are sleepy, you will say: Yimo, sleep. When you are hungry, you will say: Yimo, hungry.

As time went by, Yi Mo discovered that he would always use his own name before speaking. As if there was some kind of stubbornness in it, he would always call out his own name whenever he said anything. Even if it had nothing to do with him, such as when he saw a bird on the mountain, even if Yi Mo was not around, he would still say: Yi Mo, fly.

That day, Liu Yan was squatting by the stream watching the tadpoles when he said to himself: Yi Mo, hide. He meant that the tadpoles had burrowed under the water plants and were out of sight. Yi Mo was standing behind him, and upon hearing that, he could not help but pull Liu Yan’s shoulders, pull him up, and turn him around to face him.

Liu Yan was stupid. He was suddenly pulled up and didn’t know what to do. He still kept looking down at the tadpoles and didn’t know how to raise his face.

Yi Mo clamped his chin, forced him to raise his face, looked into those innocent eyes, and asked, “Why do you always call me?"

Liu Yan looked at him stupidly, as if he understood his question, but also as if he didn’t. He just stared at that handsome face, moving his lips for a long time, as if he wanted to answer something, but couldn’t. Finally, after holding it in for a long time, he could only utter two words: Yi Mo.

“Yi Mo," Liu Yan said, raising his hands to wrap around his neck, the boy’s thin body pressed against his chest, and said, “Yi Mo."

No matter how Yi Mo asked or how he interrogated him, Liu Yan just opened his dull and innocent eyes and called him over and over again : “Yi Mo."

He pronounced these two words very clearly, his tongue against his lower teeth, his lips flattened, he slowly called out his last name, then pursed his lips and parted them again to spit out his first name.

“Yi Mo." He called, his voice soft and full of attachment, like a word of love.

Yi Mo closed his eyes, not knowing whether he was really stupid or just pretending. When he finally opened his eyes, he had nothing to say. He hugged the boy and whispered, “You fool."

After hearing this, Liu Yan buried his head in his chest for a long time, then mumbled something he had never said before.

Liu Yan said: “You don’t like me because I’m stupid?"

It was the first time he spoke such a long sentence, and he spoke it intermittently, but Yi Mo couldn’t help but be stunned. In the past few years, he never said that he didn’t like him, and of course, he never said that he liked him.

Yi Mo couldn’t make such a stupid kid overlap with Shen Qingxuan in his mind. Shen Qingxuan was so smart, even if he was reincarnated as Ji Jiu, he was still smarter and more elegant. How could he compare with the fool in front of him? If it weren’t for the increasingly similar eyebrows and the cinnabar on his chest, Yi Mo almost didn’t know how to convince himself that this fool was the one he was looking for.

What he could do was to take care of him and treat him well. But he couldn’t do more. Yi Mo admitted that he was resistant to this silly Liu Yan .

This resistance becomes even stronger every time I meet those eyes that are no longer lively.

But he didn’t know when it started, the seemingly stupid and foolish Liu Yan had already known his resistance. In his simple thinking, this resistance turned into a more direct “dislike".

Seeing that he didn’t answer, Liu Yan lowered his head and stopped talking. Without a soul and a spirit , he was dumber than ordinary people, and his movements were slow and dull, so even if he was sad, he couldn’t express it. He just lowered his head, like a young animal without shelter, helpless in the face of the reality before him.

Finally, Yi Mo hugged him, bent down and kissed the top of his head, and whispered: “It’s okay not to dislike it."

Liu Yan didn’t respond for a long time. Yi Mo knew that he was slow in everything he did, so he waited quietly. The stream was gurgling, the wind was shaking the treetops, and in the lush green, a man in a black robe was hugging the boy in front of him. Both of them were motionless, and Liu Yan hooked his neck and leaned against his chest. It was a sunny day, so sad.

After a long while, Liu Yan said, “I am stupid, so no one likes me."

Yi Mo frowned and asked, “No one likes you?"

After a long time, Liu Yan replied: “Dad, Mom, Yi Mo."

Yi Mo was stunned, a little unbelieving. He was only four years old when he was carried up the mountain. Normally, children should not remember things so early. How could this idiot remember it so clearly?

Yi Mo asked again: “Do you still remember what happened in the past? Your mother, your father?"

Liu Yan tried hard to use his slow brain to answer him: “Dad, Mom, no. Yi Mo, good." He grabbed Yi Mo’s collar and said stupidly: “I don’t like it, silly, Yi Mo is also good."

With just these words, Yi Mo suddenly felt sad and asked him, “Am I okay?"

Liu Yan said affirmatively: “Okay."

Yi Mo asked again: “Do you like me?"

Liu Yan said: “I like it."

It was hard to tell what was going on in his mind. Yi Mo lowered his head and said, “I don’t like fools."

This was the first time he saw Liu Yan cry. From birth to now, Liu Yan had never cried, but today he cried. He put away the arm that was hooked around his neck, let it hang down by his side, and then looked into Yi Mo’s eyes. The round eyes were filled with mist, condensed into beads, and fell down one by one. He opened his mouth, but no sound came out. He cried silently, like a complete fool.

Yi Mo looked at his tears quietly, not knowing why he said such words, and also not knowing why, seeing him cry, the depression in his heart was strangely relieved a lot.

Yi Mo wet the teardrops with his fingers, put them into his mouth and licked them. They tasted salty and bitter.

The fool was still shedding tears, silently as many raindrops flowed out of his eyes, leaving two streaks on his fair face. Water drops hung on his chin and kept running to the ground.

After crying for a long time, Yi Mo held him in his arms again and brought him home. He never said a word to comfort him.

Tired of crying, Liu Yan curled up on the bed and fell asleep. Yi Mo sat beside him, looking at his crying face in his sleep for a long time before muttering to himself:

“This is the third time you’ve cried for me."

When he woke up the next day, the fool sat on the bed, hugging his knees. His red and swollen eyes were still full of mist, and tears kept flowing down, as if the tears accumulated over the years had finally found a hole and were pouring out. He cried when Yi Mo dressed him, and he cried when Yi Mo tied his hair. He couldn’t wipe away the water drops when he washed himself, and Liu Yan’s eyes were so swollen that he couldn’t open them when he fed him.

Finally, Yi Mo said, “It’s very ugly."

Liu Yan looked at him and cried.

Yi Mo said, “I lied to you." He reached out and touched the red and swollen eyes, and sighed softly, “I want it too, idiot."

Liu Yan didn’t understand what he meant and continued to cry silently. Yi Mo rubbed his head and held Liu Yan in his arms. He held him tightly for a while before he threatened in a cold voice, “I won’t want you if you cry again."

After a while, Liu Yan’s tears stopped.

Yi Mo said: “Don’t cry anymore."

Liu Yan snuggled against his chest, as if she was extremely afraid that he would not want her. She clutched his collar tightly and nodded.

Seeing this, Yi Mo patted his back and tried to comfort him, but he still didn’t know how stupid he was. He was stupid, but he remembered things so early. He was not stupid, but he was completely stupid. He could cry for a whole day just by hearing a random word.

Yi Mo thought about the silly Shen Qingxuan and felt that he was not that bad.

Yi Mo said: “Fool."

Liu Yan raised his head, wondering why he was calling him.

Yi Mo said: “The eyes are swollen, ugly, very ugly."

Liu Yanyan slowly understood what was happening, and knew that he disliked her again. She pulled his collar aggrievedly , leaned forward and said, “Yi Mo, kiss, it hurts."

Yi Mo smiled, kissed him on the eyelid, and then kissed the right eyelid, and asked: “Where else does it hurt?"

Liu Yan was stunned for a long time before he could answer his question. He said intermittently: “Yi Mo, no, I don’t like it, idiot. It hurts here." Then he grabbed his hand, put it on his chest, and told him seriously and honestly:

“It hurts here."

The skin under his hand was warm, no longer bony, and had a soft and smooth touch. Yi Mo paused, and scratched the scarlet spot on his heart with his fingers , whispering: “It will hurt more…"

Then she kissed his ear and said word by word: “It hurts more for me. When you are in pain, I will feel better."

Liu Yan stared at him infatuatedly, then lowered his head and looked at the slender fingers scratching his chest. After a moment, although he didn’t understand, he agreed:

“good."

Because he agreed sincerely, Yi Mo looked at him for a long time, and finally said: “Fool."


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