即使被改了名,柳延也還是沒心沒肺的歡喜,他的腦子構造簡單,想不了太複雜的事,這些年伊墨與他說起很多上輩子和上上輩子的事,沈清軒、季玖、柳延。那中間的愛恨情仇,求不得,柳延都不能理解。
所以,在聽完後,柳延非常簡單的把自己上輩子和上上輩子劃分成了兩種人:好人,壞人。好人自然是沈清軒,他對伊墨好就是好人。壞人當然是季玖,還拿刀刺伊墨,何止是壞呢,在柳延腦子裡,自己上輩子簡直是十惡不赦了。至於季玖又吃了多少委屈,咽了多少血淚,柳延乾脆就不想。他的天枰,傾斜的幾乎能把天挑起來。
每次看到伊墨摸著自己的朱砂痣,默默無語時,柳延就會想,這是壞季玖留下的。
於是,在一個恰當的時機,他對自己朱砂痣的不滿終於爆發,他把它挖了。
現在“壞季玖”留下的東西沒了,伊墨說要叫他沈清軒,柳延呵呵笑著,答應的滿心歡喜,一邊歡喜著一邊還湊過去,不知羞恥地說:“那你該喜歡我了吧。”
其實這一會沉默,伊墨已經反悔了,理由是沈清軒才沒這麼傻。卻沒想到他會這樣問,頓時道:“我為什麼‘該’喜歡你?”
柳延理直氣壯地說:“因為你叫我沈清軒啊,”瞪著大而圓的眼,他嚴肅地道:“所以你該喜歡我。”
伊墨生生被這句話噎了一下,一時有些摸不著他的邏輯,竟然無語。
柳延還在說:“你就是該喜歡我!”要不然換個名字有什麼用?柳延認為,上上輩子的沈清軒也是自己,可他死了。但死了沒關係,他可以將這份喜歡延續下去,可是伊墨嫌棄他是個傻子。
柳延為這個問題苦惱了很久,很久都不知怎樣才能讓伊墨喜歡自己,哪怕自己傻。現在好了,伊墨輕易就把他的煩惱解決了,是啊,我可以叫沈清軒。
我叫了沈清軒,你就要喜歡我,哪怕我傻,你也要喜歡。因為你喜歡沈清軒啊。
所以你也要喜歡一個冠著沈清軒名字的傻子。
名字本來就是個稱呼,柳延根本不在意自己叫什麼,沈清軒也罷柳延也好,都改不了他是個傻子的事實。反正他這輩子就是這樣一個傻子,叫什麼都改變不了傻子的本質。
那麼,叫什麼對他而言都是沒用的,但對伊墨有用。這就足夠了。
傻子樂呵呵的,帶著長期被慣養出來的驕縱,很是跋扈地說:“伊墨就是要喜歡我。”說著又撲上去親他的臉,慣用的手段。
伊墨被親得滿臉濕漉漉,那感覺就像是被一隻狗兒舔過一樣,但是狗能踹開,柳延卻不能踹。所以只好擋著臉,勉勉強強脫了困。
他並未意識到,他開始拿傻子沒轍。
剛把面前的臉推開,柳延又貼到他耳畔去了,在連續不斷的囂張跋扈的“伊墨要喜歡我”的呼聲之下,伊墨扛不住了,只好敷衍一句:“好。”
柳延嘴裡慣性的把“要喜歡我”四個字說完後呆在那裡,而後猛的清醒,撲上去抱著他的脖子問:“真的真的?真的?”
伊墨頭疼地道:“嗯。”又說:“快睡吧。”這都折騰到什麼時候了。
柳延呵呵傻笑著,依言鑽進被窩裡,而後把臉埋在伊墨胸前,仍然是止不住的傻笑。
他笑得那麼傻氣又那麼美滿,伊墨忍不住了,伸手揪他的耳朵,把人從被子裡揪出來,低頭在他臉上咬了一口,咬完左邊又咬右邊,咬得柳延一陣亂叫,伊墨才算磨牙結束。
等一切都靜下,柳延抱著他的腰,很快合上眼被周公拉了去數綿羊。伊墨躺在床上,想到上一世的季玖,起初抗拒這個名字,最後雖認了,過程卻激烈而曲折。不明白為什麼傻了,反而接受得這麼容易。
忍不住,伊墨又把剛入睡的柳延折騰醒來,揪著他的眼皮,往上扯起,對著那雙睡意朦朧的眼,伊墨問:“為什麼那麼快就答應我叫你沈清軒?”
被迫調整視線,凝聚起精神的柳延呆呆看了好一會,才明白他在問什麼,想也不想地答:“因為不管你叫我什麼,我都是傻子啊。”
伊墨一呆。
柳延以為他沒聽清——畢竟困意讓他說話都口齒不清,又解釋了一下:“不管你叫我什麼,我都是傻子,所以不管你叫我什麼,你都只能喜歡傻子啊。”
看,多麼簡單。叫什麼根本都沒用,叫來叫去,現在能杵在他眼前,刺進他心裡的,只能是眼前這個人——傻子。
柳延的表情仿佛在說這是一件再簡單不過的事,伊墨放開手,在他臉上輕拍了一下,道:“睡吧。”
柳延抓了他的手繞到自己身上,咕噥一句“伊墨抱著睡”,重新摟住他的腰,又拿臉在他胸口蹭了蹭,乖乖地睡著了。
伊墨抱著他躺回去,想起對自己好的沈清軒,除了好,再沒有別的。對沈清軒的好,他是願意回饋的。儘管一開始明知對方要的是什麼,卻怕麻煩,將他的心意推諉到“報恩”上去,其實不接受這個“報恩”也可以,不過是想知道這個病累多年,看起來清瘦軟弱的年輕人究竟能做到什麼地步,所以接受了。後來有了些波折,沈清軒發了狠,一股腦的把所有的好都給他。予我好,就是善。這話是他說的,他一直也這樣做。因為沈清軒對他太好,所以就留了下來。
並不知道,這一留,就不再想走。
接著是季玖,季玖不好。一見面就是不好,為了一個女人,可以倒戈一擊,拔劍相對,若他沒有法力,那晚就該死在他劍下了。
他留在沈清軒身邊十三年,發現自己不想走了。卻不能不走,因為他是要成仙的。所以,刻意激惱他,也是想斷了這份念想。
卻發現,越來越想念那個好到無所不用其極的沈清軒。
季玖與沈清軒骨子裡其實並無差別,只是要走的道路不同而已。這一點他早就知道,並依然討厭對方對自己的態度。這與理智無關,只是出於本能。
所以,從頭到尾,都懶得和他說上輩子的事,上輩子的淵藪不想告訴他,不想和他談。
道路不同,所以即使骨子裡一模一樣,眼前也不是能在燭下筆墨交談的沈清軒了。
傷害與爭執過後,又是和好。最後季玖認輸,願意當一晚他的沈清軒,只會好不會壞的沈清軒。就此分離。
現在成了懷裡這腦中空無卻明澈的傻子。
伊墨“嗤”了一聲,是的,不管他要找的那個沈清軒好不好,壞不壞,最後都化為虛無,現實能面對的就是這個傻子。那,如果傻子也沒了,下一個呢?下一個他又要面對上誰,怎樣的好,或怎樣的不好?或許就此放手,再不糾纏才是上上之策。但是,他走了傻子怎麼辦呢?忍不住這樣想著,伊墨在被子裡撫摸他光溜溜軟滑的脊背,溫軟的手感,還是捨不得。再傻,也還有討喜的地方,比如純粹。沒有第一世被家族束縛的偏激,沒有第二世被家國桎梏的冷漠,剝開這些丟掉之後,只剩下一個蠢蠢的想對他好的傻子。
伊墨抱著傻子,歎了口氣,“傻子啊……我捨不得你。”也不知道夢裡的傻子聽見沒有,反正他是彎起唇角在笑。
有需求而對他好的是沈清軒,無需求而對他不好的也是沈清軒,現在這個無需求還死心眼要對他好的依舊是沈清軒。叫什麼名字根本不重要,叫沈清軒或季玖或柳延並無不同,因為骨子裡,都是那個魂。
伊墨在笑著睡著的傻子臉上啃了一口,有些惱,第一世好,第二世不好,第三世又傻好,第四世又會是個什麼樣子?想一想都惱,怎麼能不惱!伊墨很氣悶,就欺負傻子的臉。
第二天醒來,柳延摸了摸自己的臉,在洗漱時問伊墨:“我臉上長什麼了?”
伊墨說:“什麼?”
柳延茫然地揉著自己臉頰,道:“有些痛。”說著四處找鏡子,卻猛然發現屋裡的銅鏡不知哪裡去了,找了一圈沒找到,只好湊過去道,“伊墨看看,是不是破了?”
沒破,只是腫了。伊墨臉上一片淡漠地將他看了看,而後道:“什麼都沒有。”
柳延從不懷疑他,儘管覺得臉上怪怪的,也信了他的話,扯著伊墨長袖,說要喝粥。
喝完了粥,就頂著一張紅紅腫腫的臉,歡天喜地的跟著伊墨出門了。
走在山間小道上,柳延捧著手裡的果子啃,一共三個果子,他挨個啃一口,啃完挑了一個最甜的遞給了伊墨,道:“伊墨吃,甜的。”
除了吃就是睡,他別的什麼都不會,不過,如果傻子什麼都會,聰明人就該去當神了,伊墨一邊默默腹誹著,一邊又默默替他開脫。但是這次,在被他養得白白潤潤的柳延捧著那個留了牙印,最甜最甜的那個果子遞過去時,伊墨接過來,一口把他的牙印啃掉了。
柳延的大眼睛一下子變成了月牙,看著他一口一口吃掉自己遞過去的果子,然後又眼巴巴地問:“好吃嗎?”忍不住動了動嘴唇,回憶起那顆果子的甘甜。
柳延的表現伊墨看在眼底,更是幾口把果子啃得就剩一個核,拋開果核伊墨點頭說:“好吃。”
柳延道:“明天采的果子一定比這個還甜,我留給你吃啊。”
伊墨說:“好。”
他們互相望著,這個時候柳延不知道臉上紅腫未退的自己看起來有多傻,伊墨也不知道自己看起來有多溫柔。
山風刮過樹梢,已經入秋了,風是打著旋地吹來,伊墨牽過柳延的手,望瞭望天道:“要下雨了,涼,回去。”
柳延應了一聲,緊緊抓著他的手,手指交纏在一起,扣成了分不開的結。
————————————————
Even though his name was changed, Liu Yan was still heartlessly happy. His brain was simple and he couldn’t think of complicated things. Over the years, Yi Mo told him a lot about his past life and the life before that, Shen Qingxuan, Ji Jiu, and Liu Yan. The love, hatred, and vengeance in between were beyond his comprehension. Liu Yan couldn’t understand it.
So, after listening to it, Liu Yan simply divided his past life and the life before that into two types of people: good people and bad people. The good person is naturally Shen Qingxuan, he is a good person because he is good to Yi Mo. The bad person is of course Ji Jiu, who stabbed Yi Mo with a knife, which is more than bad. In Liu Yan’s mind, he was simply unforgivable in his past life. As for how much grievance Ji Jiu suffered and how much blood and tears he swallowed, Liu Yan simply didn’t think about it. His scales were tilted so much that they could almost lift up the sky.
Every time Liu Yan saw Yi Mo touching his mole in silence, he would think that this was left by the bad Ji Jiu.
So, at an opportune moment, his dissatisfaction with his mole finally erupted, and he dug it out.
Now that the things left by “Bad Ji Jiu" are gone, Yi Mo said that he should call him Shen Qingxuan. Liu Yan laughed and agreed happily. While he was happy , he leaned over and said shamelessly: “Then you should like me."
In fact, during this moment of silence, Yi Mo had already regretted his decision, arguing that Shen Qingxuan was not that stupid. But he did not expect him to ask this question, and immediately asked, “Why should I like you?"
Liu Yan said confidently: “Because you call me Shen Qingxuan." Staring with big round eyes, he said seriously: “So you should like me."
Yi Mo was choked by these words. He was confused by his logic and was speechless.
Liu Yan was still saying, “You should like me!" Otherwise, what’s the point of changing the name? Liu Yan thought that Shen Qingxuan in the previous life was also himself, but he died. But it doesn’t matter if he is dead, he can continue this love, but Yi Mo despises him as a fool.
Liu Yan had been troubled by this problem for a long time, and he didn’t know how to make Yi Mo like him, even if he was stupid. Now, Yi Mo easily solved his troubles. Yes, I can be called Shen Qingxuan.
I called you Shen Qingxuan, so you have to like me, even if I’m stupid, you still have to like me, because you like Shen Qingxuan.
So you also have to like a fool named Shen Qingxuan.
A name is just a title. Liu Yan doesn’t care what he is called. Whether it’s Shen Qingxuan or Liu Yan, it can’t change the fact that he is a fool. Anyway, he is such a fool in this life, and no matter what he is called, it can’t change the nature of a fool.
Well, it was useless to him, but it was useful to Yi Mo. That was enough.
The fool was cheerful, with the arrogance that came from being spoiled for a long time, and said domineeringly: “Yi Mo just wants to like me." Then he pounced on him and kissed his face, his usual tactic.
Yi Mo’s face was wet from the kisses, and it felt like being licked by a dog, but a dog could be kicked away, but Liu Yan couldn’t. So he had to cover his face and barely escaped.
He didn’t realize that he was beginning to be helpless against the fool.
Just as he pushed the face in front of him away, Liu Yan leaned close to his ear again. Under the continuous and arrogant call of “Yi Mo must like me", Yi Mo couldn’t stand it anymore and had to perfunctorily say: “Okay."
Liu Yan habitually said the four words “you have to like me" and stayed there, then suddenly woke up, rushed over to hug his neck and asked: “Really ? Really?"
Yi Mo said with a headache: “Yeah." Then he said: “Go to sleep quickly." What time has this been going on for?
Liu Yan smiled foolishly and crawled into the bed as he was told. Then he buried his face in Yi Mo’s chest, still unable to stop smiling foolishly.
His smile was so silly and yet so happy that Yi Mo couldn’t help it. He reached out and grabbed his ears, pulled him out from under the quilt, lowered his head and bit his face, biting the left side and then the right side, making Liu Yan scream. Only then did Yi Mo stop grinding his teeth.
When everything was quiet, Liu Yan hugged his waist and quickly closed his eyes and was pulled by Zhou Gong to count sheep. Yi Mo lay on the bed, thinking of Ji Jiu in the previous life. He resisted this name at first, but finally accepted it, but the process was intense and tortuous . I don’t understand why I was stupid, but I accepted it so easily.
Unable to bear it any longer, Yi Mo woke up Liu Yan who had just fallen asleep, pulled his eyelids upwards, and asked him, looking into his sleepy eyes, “Why did you agree to let me call you Shen Qingxuan so quickly?"
Forced to adjust his sight and concentrate, Liu Yan stared blankly for a long time before he realized what he was asking. He answered without thinking, “Because no matter what you call me, I’m a fool."
Yi Mo was stunned.
Liu Yan thought he didn’t hear clearly – after all, he was so sleepy that he couldn’t speak clearly, so he explained: “No matter what you call me, I am a fool, so no matter what you call me, you can only like fools."
Look, how simple it is. It is useless to shout at him. The only person who can stand in front of him and pierce his heart is this person in front of him – a fool.
Liu Yan’s expression seemed to say that this was a very simple matter. Yi Mo let go of his hand, patted him on the face, and said, “Go to sleep."
Liu Yan grabbed his hand and put it around himself, muttering “I’ll hold Yi Mo while I sleep", then hugged his waist again, rubbed his face against his chest, and fell asleep obediently.
Yi Mo held him and lay back down, thinking of Shen Qingxuan who was good to him. He was nothing but good to him. He was willing to repay Shen Qingxuan’s kindness. Although he knew what the other party wanted at the beginning, he was afraid of trouble and attributed his kindness to “repaying a favor". In fact, he didn’t have to accept this “repaying a favor", but he just wanted to know what this young man who had been sick for many years and looked thin and weak could do, so he accepted it. Later, there were some twists and turns, and Shen Qingxuan got ruthless and gave him all the good things in one go. To give me good is kindness. He said this, and he has always done so. Because Shen Qingxuan was so good to him, he stayed.
I didn’t know that once I stayed, I would never want to leave.
Next was Ji Jiu. Ji Jiu was not a good person. He was not a good person from the moment they met. For a woman, he could turn against me and draw his sword against me. If he did not have magical powers, I would have died under his sword that night.
He stayed with Shen Qingxuan for thirteen years and found that he didn’t want to leave. But he had to leave because he wanted to become an immortal. So, he deliberately annoyed him to break this thought.
But I found that I missed Shen Qingxuan, who was so kind as to do anything for him, more and more.
Ji Jiu and Shen Qingxuan were actually no different in nature, they just took different paths. He had known this for a long time, and still hated the other’s attitude towards him. This had nothing to do with reason, it was just instinct.
So, from beginning to end, I was too lazy to tell him about my past life. I didn’t want to tell him or talk to him about the origin of my past life.
The paths are different, so even if they are exactly the same in nature, the Shen Qingxuan in front of me is no longer the one with whom I can have a conversation under the candlelight.
After the hurt and the argument, they made peace again. In the end, Ji Jiu admitted defeat and was willing to be his Shen Qingxuan for one night, the Shen Qingxuan who would only be good and not bad. They separated.
Now I have become the fool in my arms, whose mind is empty but clear.
Yi Mo snorted. Yes, no matter whether the Shen Qingxuan he was looking for was good or bad, in the end, it would all turn into nothingness. The only person he could face in reality was this fool. Well, if the fool was gone too, what about the next one? Who would he have to face next, and how good or bad would he be? Perhaps it would be the best policy to just let go and not get entangled anymore. But what would happen to the fool after he left? Unable to help thinking this way, Yi Mo stroked his smooth and soft back in the quilt. He couldn’t bear to let go of the soft touch. No matter how stupid he was, he still had likable aspects, such as purity. He didn’t have the extremism of being bound by his family in his first life, nor the indifference of being shackled by his country in his second life . After stripping off these and throwing them away, there was only a fool who stupidly wanted to be good to him.
Yi Mo hugged the fool and sighed, “Fool… I can’t bear to leave you." He didn’t know if the fool in the dream heard it, but he was smiling with the corners of his lips curved.
The one who treated him well because he had needs was Shen Qingxuan, the one who treated him badly because he had no needs was also Shen Qingxuan, and the one who treated him well because he had no needs but was still determined to treat him well was still Shen Qingxuan. It didn’t matter what the name was, it didn’t make any difference whether he was called Shen Qingxuan, Ji Jiu or Liu Yan, because deep down, they were all the same soul.
bit the face of the fool who was sleeping with a smile on his face, feeling a little annoyed. The first life was good, the second life was bad, the third life was good again, what would the fourth life be like? Just thinking about it made him annoyed, how could he not be annoyed! Yi Mo was very upset, so he bullied the fool’s face.
When he woke up the next day, Liu Yan touched his face and asked Yi Mo while washing: “What’s going on on my face?"
Yi Mo said: “What?"
Liu Yan rubbed his cheek blankly and said, “It hurts a little." He looked around for a mirror, but suddenly found that the bronze mirror in the room was gone. After searching for a while, he couldn’t find it, so he had to go over and said, “Yi Mo, take a look, is it broken?"
It’s not broken, just swollen. Yi Mo looked at him with indifference on his face, and then said, “Nothing."
Liu Yan never doubted him. Even though he felt something strange on his face, he believed what he said. He pulled Yi Mo’s long sleeve and said he wanted to drink some porridge.
After drinking the porridge, he happily followed Yi Mo out with a red and swollen face .
Walking on the mountain path, Liu Yan held the fruit in his hand and ate it. There were three fruits in total. He took a bite of each one. After eating, he picked the sweetest one and handed it to Yi Mo, saying, “Yi Mo, eat it. It’s sweet."
He can do nothing except eating and sleeping. However, if a fool can do everything, a smart person should become a god, Yi Mo silently complained and excused him. But this time, when Liu Yan, who was raised by him and was white and plump , handed over the sweetest fruit with the tooth mark, Yi Mo took it and bit off his tooth mark.
Liu Yan’s big eyes suddenly turned into crescents as she watched him eat the fruit she handed over bite by bite. Then she asked eagerly, “Is it delicious?" She couldn’t help but move her lips, recalling the sweetness of the fruit.
Yi Mo saw Liu Yan’s performance and ate the fruit in a few bites until only the core was left. He threw the core aside and nodded , saying, “It’s delicious."
Liu Yan said: “The fruit I pick tomorrow will definitely be sweeter than this, I’ll leave it for you to eat."
Yi Mo said: “Okay."
They looked at each other. At this moment, Liu Yan didn’t know how stupid he looked with the redness and swelling on his face, and Yi Mo didn’t know how gentle he looked.
The mountain wind blew through the treetops. It was already autumn, and the wind was blowing in a whirl. Yi Mo took Liu Yan’s hand, looked up at the sky and said, “It’s going to rain. It’s cold. Let’s go back."
Liu Yan responded and held his hand tightly, their fingers intertwined, forming an inseparable knot.
