我要娶你。兩百年前,沈清軒說。
季玖不會說,季玖只會話裡有話地問:你為什麼不早點來,為什麼不早點帶我走。
今日,柳延說:我要娶你。
伊墨怔怔站著,忽地眼前閃過一抹紅,豔麗的紅色仿若鮮血,有著摧枯拉朽之勢,遮天蔽地而來。即使明知那是什麼,伊墨卻失去了閃躲的能力。
紅色蓋頭罩住了他。
柳延望著仿佛嫁娘一樣的人,微微笑了,隔著紅色蓋頭,低聲喃喃,重複又重複:我要娶你。
一千九百多年前,人類還沒有來得及蔓延蠶食到極東之邊,山林土木都是原始的樣子,不曾遭到開荒耕種的威脅。林鳥飛翔在樹蔭裡,嘰嘰喳喳,啄食野果。狡黠的獸類們在低矮的灌木裡隱秘穿梭,尋覓獵物。日復一日,年復一年,有一條小蛇,出生在厚厚的腐葉層下麵。
它與其他的蛇沒有什麼不同,饑餓時會上樹吞食鳥蛋,也會用尖利的牙刺入獵物的血肉,用劇毒腐蝕它們的神智,用以果腹。
如果沒有意外,用不了多少年,它的壽數一到就會變成白骨,血肉用以滋養山中其它生物。
在它的生命還沒有行進到一半的時候,人類的到來卻讓它生命的軌跡發生了不可更改的扭轉。
山下的刀戈之聲意味著許多生命以鮮血滋潤大地,死去的怨靈們集結成魔。
新魔的誕生意味著人類的浩劫,所以,山林裡來了兩個道人。遇到了冬眠結束,活動著僵硬肢體出洞的小蛇。
一點仙酒,蛇變成了妖。不需要啟發性靈,不需要日夜修煉,它好運的有了長長的壽命,生命步入新的旅程。
一千多年,他在山中修煉,也在人間輾轉,因一副好皮囊,與媚妖豔鬼,或人間女子,也都有過親密無間的機會。肢體糾纏的感覺與雌蛇交歡並無不同,扭結在一處,互相敞露以性器銜接。也聽到過各式的情話,情意綿綿的,溫柔婉轉的。最後在他耳邊,什麼都沒留下。
他本來就是蛇,冰冷冷的,渾身佈滿堅硬的鱗甲,有了道行更是外力不摧。普通的刀槍傷不了他,氾濫的情話也打不動他。也是因為這樣的性子,才會被仙家看中。
尋常禽獸們修煉成妖,心心念念,到了最後無一不是招惹麻煩。唯他連成妖都不是自主意願,所以,連麻煩都懶得去招惹他。
做蛇時,他尚有果腹之欲;成妖後,他反而無事可做。
枯守著日出月落,看著春夏秋冬更迭,沒有笑,亦無淚。
再美的景色他都閱過,再美的人他都見過,許許多多的故事與傳奇,他都聽過,日光之下,並無新事。
與他來說,這一年與前一年與後一年沒有不同,將來與現在與過去,重疊成一。
生命成了漫長的,不知何時是盡頭的黑白色。
睡覺成了他常常做的事,連功德都懶得再積攢,別的妖靜心修煉千年就可成仙,而他修煉了一千六百多年,還是一隻蛇妖。
而那個下午。在他又一次結束了近百年的沉睡,化了原形曬太陽的午後,他遇到了一盞熱茶,遇到了潑他熱茶的那個人。
那個人,遇了蛇。
——我與你殊途同歸,可好?
第一次歡好前,那人說。
他是妖,出生的地方已經在記憶裡化作一道模糊的剪影,歸途也在耗擲的光陰裡成為不可觸及的名詞。
許許多多年月裡,他經歷過的人都消散在塵埃中,沒有人能與他同生,也無人能與他並肩,更無人能與他共死。
最後只留下他自己。
而坐在輪椅上,清瘦孱弱的人,卻道:我們殊途同歸。
伊墨靜靜站著,眼前的大紅蓋頭讓世界變成了鮮紅。
宛如流動奔湧的鮮血,蘊著蓬勃的生命力,鮮活生猛地灌入他的身體,轉化成生存的動力。心口有一股一股的酸澀,眼眶裡卻潮濕起來,仿佛枯竭的生命被催化,汁液豐沛。
“傻子。”蓋頭後面,伊墨的聲音響起,淡漠的語氣掩去了所有情緒,問他:“為什麼要娶我?”
“要和你在一起。”傻柳延在蓋頭前面站著,認真回答他:“沈玨說,拜了天地成了親,我們就能在一起,再也不分開。”
——不分開。
傻子沒有才學,不會舞文弄墨,不能作畫,亦不能吟詩,連自己的名字都不會寫,即使他努力教過。教了很多次之後,漫捲紙上,也只有歪七扭八的滿滿兩個字:伊墨。
兩百年前,這人說:我們殊途同歸。
那時候他沒有意識到,這是他漫長生命裡,聽到過的最美的情話。所以抱在一起時,會覺得安謐。進入他時,會覺得安心。
仿佛黑白色的人生被紮進一根不可拔出的釘,那顆釘子帶來了繽紛顏色,並將這些色彩牢牢地固定在他的世界裡,從此無法割裂。
伊墨抬手,摘去了頭上的紅蓋頭,不知從哪里弄來的新娘的物事,不過此時他並不在意這些。他從袖子裡,取出了兩張折疊的紙。
紙張洇染著光陰的黃,也不知隨身藏了多少年,沒有人見過這紙張,這些年連柳延都沒有見過。所以看見他取出來時,好奇的睜大了眼。
伊墨小心地展開了其中一幅,那本是一幅畫卷,被人焚化成灰,又被他施法復原。
展開的畫卷上,柳延第一眼看去就是:紅。朱紅品紅石榴紅,緋紅桃紅海棠紅,胭脂紅絳紫紅朱砂紅,漫天飛舞的紅色花瓣,層層相疊,依次鋪展。落英繽紛,美不勝收。
就是這樣的配色,也不知要花多少功夫,這漫捲鋪展的各異花瓣,也不知要多少心血,才能描畫。
花海中間,是兩個男人相疊的身軀。
無一根棉絲的擁在一起,上下交疊,上面那人即使只是背影,柳延也一眼就認出是伊墨。下麵那人,渾身佈滿桃花,有枝有蔓,大朵大朵桃花纏纏綿綿地在他身上綻著,躺在花海裡仿佛與花海融為一體,微仰著頭,半眯著眼,抬起的一隻腿,勾在伊墨腰上。
柳延震住。
伊墨指著那畫上題字,輕聲道:“這是我的故鄉。”
說著,伊墨又展開另一張畫卷,那是一座孤墳。墳前立著碑,碑上沒有署名,墳塋旁立著兩根白幡。
伊墨低聲道:“我卻讓你兩世,以此為故鄉。”
說著垂下眼,眼中似有水光閃過。
柳延癡癡望著那畫,雖不大懂,卻也心中悲慟,說不清道不明的難過,悲傷至極。眼眶瞬間通紅,傻傻地立著,眼中淚珠一滴滴砸下來。
許久,伊墨才重新抬頭,問柳延:“即使你的故鄉是孤墳,還要娶我嗎?我是妖。”
柳延的視線聞聲從畫上挪開,望著他的眼,哽咽著問:“我娶你,你嫁嗎?”
伊墨沒有說話。
柳延哭著,又問:“我娶你,我要娶你,你嫁不嫁?”
伊墨知道柳延一定會這樣說,因為他傻,因為他是沈清軒的轉世。雖然每一次轉世都會有所不同,但不同之處也只是那個靈魂的側面而已,就像季玖問過的“好就是沈清軒不好就不是了嗎”一樣,好不好他都是他,傻不傻他都是他。從來沒有變過。
這個世上不會有這樣的靈魂了,即使飲過孟婆湯走過奈何橋,失去一切記憶,經過不同人生,到最後對他都是一樣的。
不論自己有多過分,都會被輕易原諒;不論自己付出的有多苛刻,都能給予豐厚的回報。
這個靈魂是獨一無二的。
溫柔又狠辣,決絕又纏綿,像利刃一樣鋒利,也像海藻一樣柔韌。
這個世上再也沒有這樣的靈魂了。
雖然知道他會這樣說,但聽到這樣的回答時,伊墨還是有一種微妙的仿佛救贖一樣的感覺,他看到對方濕潤的眼膜上有一個小小的自己,除此之外,別的什麼也沒有。只有自己,在那層濕潤的薄膜上。那層膜仿佛也罩在自己心頭,而後一點點將那溫柔的水液注進心裡。
他一個人已經走得太久了。茫然而麻木地活著,茫然而麻木地接受了這個靈魂,不知不覺深陷其中。失去以後才仿佛被針紮過一樣,麻木之外有了別樣的感覺,仿佛遺憾與疼痛。
然而蘇醒的只是一小塊,更多的麻木還在尋找與追逐,看著他再次去死,再次尋找,再次陪伴。
尋找的過程裡也仿佛漸漸醒過來,漸漸不再麻木,而是無望。
不知道這樣的追尋什麼時候才能結束,什麼時候,才可以不再遺憾。
現在卻不一樣了。
伊墨傾身,嘴唇湊到柳延耳畔,低聲問:“傻子,這些日子,有沒有想我?”
柳延被他突然轉開話題,也不懂得扯回來,老老實實答:“想。”
卻沒有料到,伊墨頓了一下,卻輕聲道:“我也想你。”
他的聲音如他的體溫一樣,始終是涼的,低沉中透著一股薄涼,卻叫人聽過一次,就再難忘記。他一直是高高在上的,涼薄的被動接受他人供奉。
從來不說情話。
這樣的習慣,似乎被打破了。
也或許,很早很早,兩百年前時,固守的習慣就已經有了裂痕,兩百年的光陰讓裂痕逐漸擴大,如蛛網一般密佈在他的堡壘之上,只需要一點契機,他的堡壘,就化成了齏粉。
其間也是一個,赤子般的靈魂。
柳延呆了一下,反應過來後涕淚交加,哭的像個水人一樣,撲在他身上,一邊搖晃著一邊撕心裂肺地喊:我想你。
伊墨伸手摟過他,低聲重複一遍:“我也想你。”
哭著的柳延委委屈屈的,混亂地述說自己的想念,一邊不斷的道:“伊墨,我喜歡你,我喜歡你,我喜歡你。”
說了很多遍之後,抱著他的人終於回應了一句:“我也喜歡你。”
柳延的嚎啕驟然停頓下來,嘴張得大大的,像是沒料到會真的聽到這句話一樣,滿臉的不知所措。
他臉上哭得亂七八糟,張著嘴看起來傻得實在不像樣子,伊墨望著他,卻微微笑了,歎著道:“我也喜歡你啊……”
衝擊一次比一次大,柳延的腦子似乎也在這樣的衝擊下恢復了部分靈敏,立刻抓住了話題的尾巴,道:“那你嫁給我,我們成親。”
伊墨伸手抹著他的眼淚,又替他收拾了鼻涕,將那張臉拾掇乾淨了,才笑了一下,道:“好。”
“啊?”
伊墨說:“我嫁給你。”
說這話的時候,不知想到了什麼,伊墨的笑容由淺至深,真真正正笑了起來,釋然而完滿的笑容。
他原就俊美無儔,真正笑起來時,柳延看傻了眼。癡癡望著,眼底的愛慕不懂得掩藏。
傻子在他的笑容裡成了一個徹徹底底的傻子,伊墨卻斂起笑容,撫著他的臉道:“傻子啊……”似在感歎,感歎中眼底若有所思,仿佛在想著什麼,許久,那些情緒都消失不見了,伊墨的眼睛又恢復了寂靜,卻不再冷漠。
“我去辦點事。”伊墨淡淡道:“你在家等我,回來後我們就成親。”
說著親了親他的臉,再次消失不見。
————————————————
I want to marry you. Two hundred years ago, Shen Qingxuan said.
Ji Jiu couldn’t say anything, he just asked with a hint of meaning: Why didn’t you come earlier, why didn’t you take me away earlier.
Today, Liu Yan said: I want to marry you.
Yi Mo stood there in a daze, and suddenly a flash of red flashed before his eyes, the bright red color was like blood, with the power to destroy everything in its path, covering the sky and the earth. Even though he knew what it was, Yi Mo lost the ability to dodge.
A red veil covered him.
Liu Yan looked at the person who looked like a bride, smiled slightly, and murmured softly through the red veil, repeating over and over again: I want to marry you.
More than 1,900 years ago, humans had not yet spread to the easternmost edge , and the mountains, forests, and soil were all pristine, unaffected by the threat of land reclamation and cultivation. Forest birds flew in the shade of the trees , chirping and pecking at wild fruits. Cunning animals secretly shuttled through the low bushes, looking for prey. Day after day, year after year, a small snake was born under the thick layer of rotten leaves .
It is no different from other snakes. When hungry, it will climb trees to eat bird eggs. It will also use its sharp teeth to pierce the flesh of its prey and use its poison to corrode their minds in order to fill its stomach.
If nothing unexpected happens, in a few years, when its lifespan is up, it will turn into bones, and its flesh and blood will be used to nourish other creatures in the mountains.
Before its life was halfway through, the arrival of humans caused an irreversible change in the trajectory of its life.
The sound of swords and spears at the foot of the mountain means that many lives have nourished the earth with their blood, and the dead ghosts have gathered into demons.
of a new demon means disaster for mankind, so two Taoists came to the forest. They encountered a little snake that had just finished hibernation and was moving its stiff limbs out of its hole.
A little bit of magic wine, the snake turned into a demon. It didn’t need to be inspired, it didn’t need to practice day and night, it was lucky enough to have a long life, and life entered a new journey.
For more than a thousand years, he cultivated in the mountains and wandered around in the human world. Because of his good looks, he had opportunities to be intimate with seductive ghosts or women in the human world. The feeling of entanglement was no different from that of female snakes, twisted together, exposing each other to connect with their genitals. He also heard all kinds of love words, affectionate, gentle and tactful. In the end, nothing was left in his ears.
He was originally a snake, cold and covered with hard scales. With his Taoist practice, he was indestructible . Ordinary swords and guns could not hurt him, and the overflowing love words could not move him. It was because of this temperament that he was favored by the immortals.
Ordinary animals cultivate to become demons, and they always think about it, but in the end, they all get into trouble. But he didn’t even become a demon of his own will, so no one was too lazy to cause trouble for him.
When he was a snake , he still had the desire to fill his stomach; after becoming a monster, he had nothing to do.
the sunrise and the moonset, and the change of seasons, without a smile or tears.
He has seen the most beautiful scenery , met the most beautiful people, and heard many stories and legends. There is nothing new under the sun.
For him, this year is no different from the previous year and the next year; the future, the present and the past overlap into one.
Life has become a long black and white with no end in sight.
Sleeping became something he did frequently, and he was too lazy to even accumulate merits. Other monsters could become immortals after practicing for a thousand years, but he had been practicing for more than one thousand six hundred years and was still a snake monster.
And that afternoon, when he ended his nearly one hundred years of slumber and transformed into his original form to bask in the sun, he encountered a cup of hot tea and the person who poured the hot tea on him .
That person encountered a snake.
——We are heading to the same destination, okay?
Before the first sex, the man said.
He is a demon. The place where he was born has turned into a vague silhouette in his memory, and the way home has become an untouchable noun in the wasted time.
Over the many months and years, all the people he met disappeared into the dust. No one could live with him, no one could stand shoulder to shoulder with him, and no one could die with him.
Finally, he was the only one left.
But the thin and frail man sitting in the wheelchair said: We have different paths but the same destination.
Yi Mo stood quietly, the big red veil in front of her made the world turn bright red.
Just like the flowing blood, full of vigorous vitality, it poured into his body vividly and vigorously, transforming into the power of survival. There was a bitterness in his heart, but his eyes became moist, as if the dried-up life was catalyzed and filled with juice.
“Fool." Yi Mo’s voice sounded from behind the veil, his indifferent tone concealing all emotions, and asked him: “Why do you want to marry me?"
“I want to be with you." Silly Liu Yan stood in front of the veil and answered him seriously: “Shen Jue said that after we pray to heaven and earth and become married, we can be together and never separate again."
——Not separated.
The fool had no talent, could not write, paint, or recite poetry, and could not even write his own name, even though he tried hard to teach him. After teaching him many times, there were only two crooked words on the scroll: Yi Mo.
Two hundred years ago, this man said: We all have different paths but we all end up in the same destination.
At that time, he didn’t realize that these were the most beautiful words of love he had ever heard in his long life. So when they hugged each other, he felt peaceful. When he entered him, he felt at ease.
It was as if a nail that could not be pulled out was driven into his black and white life. That nail brought in colorful colors and firmly fixed these colors in his world, and they could never be separated.
Yi Mo raised his hand and took off the red veil on his head. He didn’t know where he got the bride’s belongings from, but he didn’t care about them at the moment. He took out two folded papers from his sleeves.
The paper was stained yellow with time, and no one knew how many years it had been hidden. No one had ever seen it, not even Liu Yan. So when he saw him take it out, he opened his eyes wide with curiosity.
Yi Mo carefully unfolded one of them. It was originally a scroll that was burned to ashes by someone and then restored by his magic.
The first thing Liu Yan saw when he saw the unfolded scroll was red. Vermilion, magenta, pomegranate red, scarlet, peach red, crabapple red, rouge, purple, cinnabar red, red petals flying all over the sky, layer upon layer, spreading out in sequence. The falling petals were colorful and beautiful.
I wonder how much effort it takes to create a color combination like this, and I wonder how much hard work it takes to depict these various petals that are spread out in a rolling manner.
In the middle of the sea of flowers were the bodies of two men stacked on top of each other.
They were tightly hugged together, overlapping each other. Even though the person on top was only his back, Liu Yan recognized him as Yi Mo at a glance. The person below was covered with peach blossoms, with branches and vines, and large peach blossoms lingering on his body . He lay in the sea of flowers as if he had merged with the sea of flowers. He tilted his head slightly , half-closed his eyes , and raised one leg to hook around Yi Mo’s waist.
Liu Yan was shocked.
Yi Mo pointed at the inscription on the painting and said softly, “This is my hometown."
As he spoke, Yi Mo unfolded another scroll, which showed a solitary grave. There was a tombstone in front of the grave, but no name was signed on it, and two white banners stood beside the grave.
Yi Mo whispered: “But I will let you live two lives here as your hometown."
As he spoke, he lowered his eyes, and there seemed to be a flash of tears in his eyes.
Liu Yan stared at the painting infatuatedly. Although he didn’t understand much, he was also grief-stricken. He felt inexplicably sad and extremely sorrowful. His eyes instantly turned red. He stood there stupidly, tears falling from his eyes.
After a long time, Yi Mo raised his head again and asked Liu Yan: “Even if your hometown is a lonely grave, will you still marry me? I am a demon."
Liu Yan turned his gaze away from the painting and looked into his eyes, choking with sobs as he asked, “If I marry you, will you marry me?"
Yi Mo didn’t say anything.
Liu Yan cried and asked again: “I want to marry you, I want to marry you, will you marry me?"
Yi Mo knew Liu Yan would say this, because he was stupid, because he was the reincarnation of Shen Qingxuan. Although each reincarnation would be different, the difference was only one aspect of the soul, just like Ji Jiu had asked, “If he is good, he is Shen Qingxuan, and if he is bad, he is not." Good or not, he is still him, stupid or not, he is still him. He has never changed.
There will be no such soul in this world. Even if he has drunk Mengpo soup, walked across the Naihe Bridge, lost all his memories, and gone through different lives, it will be the same to him in the end.
No matter how much you go wrong, you will be easily forgiven; no matter how harsh your efforts are, you will be rewarded handsomely.
This soul is unique.
Gentle yet cruel, resolute yet lingering, as sharp as a blade and as flexible as seaweed.
There are no more souls like this in this world.
Although he knew he would say that, when he heard this answer, Yi Mo still had a subtle feeling of redemption. He saw a small self on the other person’s wet eye mask. Apart from that, there was nothing else. Only himself, on that wet film. That film seemed to cover his heart, and then injected the gentle water into his heart bit by bit.
He had been walking alone for too long. He lived in a daze and numbness, accepting this soul in a daze and numbness , and unknowingly fell into it. After losing it, it was as if he had been pricked by a needle. Besides numbness, he felt something else, like regret and pain.
However, only a small part has awakened, and more of the numbness is still searching and chasing, watching him die again, searching again, and accompanying again.
In the process of searching, I seemed to gradually wake up, and gradually no longer feel numb, but hopeless.
I don’t know when this pursuit will end, and when I will no longer have regrets.
But it’s different now.
Yi Mo leaned forward, put his lips close to Liu Yan’s ear, and asked in a low voice: “Silly boy, have you missed me these days?"
Liu Yan was suddenly distracted by him and didn’t know how to bring it back, so he answered honestly: “Yes."
Unexpectedly, Yi Mo paused for a moment, but said softly: “I miss you, too."
His voice was always cold, just like his body temperature. It was deep and chilly, but once you heard it, you would never forget it. He was always high and mighty, passively accepting the offerings of others.
Never say sweet words.
This habit seems to have been broken.
Or perhaps, a long time ago, two hundred years ago, cracks had already appeared in his stubborn habits, and two hundred years had allowed the cracks to gradually expand, covering his fortress like a spider web. It only took a little opportunity for his fortress to be reduced to dust.
There is also a pure soul in it.
Liu Yan was stunned for a moment, and when he came to his senses, he burst into tears and cried like a water man. He threw himself on him, shaking him and shouting heartbreakingly: I miss you.
Yi Mo put his arm around him and repeated in a low voice: “I miss you, too."
Liu Yan cried and felt wronged . He expressed his longing in a confused manner, and kept saying, “Yi Mo, I like you, I like you, I like you."
After saying it many times, the person holding him finally responded: “I like you, too."
Liu Yan’s howling suddenly stopped, his mouth opened wide, as if he had not expected to actually hear these words, his face full of helplessness.
His face was a mess of tears, and he looked really stupid with his mouth open. Yi Mo looked at him, but smiled slightly and sighed, “I like you, too…"
The shock became greater and greater, and Liu Yan’s brain seemed to have regained some of its sensitivity under such shocks. He immediately caught the tail of the topic and said, “Then marry me and we will get married."
Yi Mo reached out to wipe his tears, cleaned up his nose, and tidied up his face before smiling and saying, “Okay."
“ah?"
Yi Mo said: “I will marry you."
As he said this, I don’t know what he was thinking of, but Yi Mo’s smile gradually deepened until he was truly laughing , a smile of relief and satisfaction.
He was already extremely handsome , and when he really smiled, Liu Yan was stunned. He stared at him infatuatedly, not knowing how to hide the admiration in his eyes.
The fool became a complete fool in his smile, but Yi Mo put away his smile, stroked his face and said, “Fool…" He seemed to be sighing, and there was something in his eyes as if he was thinking about something. After a long time, those emotions disappeared, and Yi Mo’s eyes returned to silence, but no longer indifferent.
“I’m going to do something." Yi Mo said calmly, “You wait for me at home, and we’ll get married when I come back."
She kissed his face and disappeared again.
