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評分:3 分,滿分為 5。

遇蛇 Snake Encounter 3·21

  ——我們都是父親。
  伊墨知道,很多事情上自己擰不過柳延,三生三世,在他面前,他都是敗北的多,完勝的少。
  這人從來都執拗,又辯才出眾,無理都能說出三分理來,況且此時,他確實有理。
  當自己還是蛇的時候,應該也是做過父親的。那些潔白蛋殼裡孵出的無名無姓的幼蛇,不通人語,未開靈竅,茫茫然出生長大,獵殺果腹,又茫茫然死去。
  但伊墨不知道,曾經出生的那些幼蛇裡,哪個會是自己的孩子。
  雌蛇為保護幼子,會同時與幾條雄蛇交媾,讓每一條與之交媾過的雄蛇以為自己才是新生命的創造者,因此放棄吞食母蛇產下的卵。所以他還是蛇的時候,無法確定自己有沒有孩子,當他成了妖,又不再關心,自己有沒有給那些蒙昧的野蛇做過父親。
  人間遊走百年,學了許多東西,其中關於親緣,伊墨始終覺得這是一件與己無關的事,即使與凡間女子交好,讓其受孕,那又會生出什麼東西呢?伊墨不知道。不知道會生出一條蛇,還是會生出一個人,甚至,伊墨冷冷地想,會生出一顆蛋來也未必。
  
  如今,他卻做了父親。沒有血濃於水的維繫,他撫養了別人的孩子——一個半人半妖的小怪物——伊墨從未對任何人說過,第一眼看到巴掌大的小狼崽時,他便認定,這是個怪物。
  人就是人,妖就是妖,各自存與兩個截然不同的世界,鴻溝廣闊,任誰都無法逾越。小狼崽卻輕易做到了,他是人類與妖怪的結合物,半人半妖的出生在這個世上,也將凡人與妖怪自古以來的殊途定律踩在腳下。所以,伊墨認定,這是個怪物。
  偏偏,他同沈清軒一起撫養了這個怪物,沈清軒對他異常嚴厲,每日授業繁重,要讀書習字,要學許多道理,要精通六藝,騎射超群,偏偏還不准射一隻燕雀。沈清軒用盡手段,來壓制小怪物的野性。被壓制得狠了,小怪物會轉而哀求另一個父親,睜大一雙泫然欲泣的眼,不停地扯他長袖。小怪物的哀兵策略幾乎沒有失敗過,往往哀求兩柱香的功夫,伊墨就帶他去山林裡遊玩,看護著莽撞的小東西不會受傷。
  這個小怪物會在任何時候,都軟著嗓子喚他:父親。
  這一喚,便喚了近三百年。
  不知從何時開始,他已經習慣對旁人說:這是我兒子。並因此付出精力與時間,在他需要幫助的時候伸出援手,在他需要安慰的時候陪伴在側。
  小怪物會依戀他,信任他,陪伴他,侍奉他。沒有血緣,勝是血親。
  伊墨知道,只要他們還在這人世,只要他們還活一天,小怪物永遠都是個孩子,心中有所依賴,再大的苦都可忍受,並始終心懷希望。
  因為再苦再累,也有一個可以休憩的安寧所在。
  如果這個地方消失了,小怪物會是什麼樣呢?伊墨想了很久。
  
  很久之後,伊墨道:“我若應了你,那時我也只是一條蛇,記憶裡沒有你。”
  柳延說:“我記得你。”
  ——我記得你。在我有生之年,都會記得無論你變成什麼模樣,都是我的伊墨。
  都是那個三百年來任時光摧殘,飽受傷害,始終不肯放棄的伊墨。
  活著本身是一件虛妄的事。
  不知道哪天會天降橫禍,不知道哪天會疾病臨身,短暫的人生轉眼消弭,再也無跡可尋。
  就算活下來,人生的路程總是遍佈殺機,處處荊棘,每條路都是險途,每一步都有可能是絕境。
  他輾轉三世到如今,對生命的熱情已經所剩無多。
  但是,即便如此。他還是想要活著。
  活著,活下去,痛苦是可以遺忘的,傷痕也可以被光陰抹平,剩下的,只有不可割捨,不能放棄的美好。
  明知他會是一條沒有愛恨的蛇,也想要抱著,摟在懷裡,放在心尖上,陪著它迎每一個升起的日出,共用一場餘輝燦爛的日落,呼吸無跡可尋卻濃密清新的空氣,賞一朵花謝花開——我們已經浪費那麼多光陰。
  是的。即使他是蛇,只要他還活著,柳延就會陪著他,享這世間美好。
  能延長多久,就延長多久。能抓住多少,就抓住多少。
  能不放手,就不放手。
  
  伊墨知道自己終會答應他。即使一時拒絕,在很久之後,他還是會答應,一如那場嫁娶。
  情字一事,就是這樣一物降一物,掙扎抵抗都成了可笑的徒勞無功,再大的不甘最後也變成心甘情願的事。
  伊墨說:好。
  
  事情就這麼定下了。
  伊墨在答應的同時想起柳延曾經問過他,尋找那麼多年,苦不苦?伊墨想,往後自己再不認識他,只是一條平庸的小蛇,或許會咬他,也會傷害他。
  ——那時候,你苦不苦?
  伊墨想問,但並沒有問出口。答案是一定的。但是柳延願意承受這份苦,就像當年他心甘情願承受季玖給他的苦。
  一旦心甘情願,苦也就有了緩衝餘地,不會苦的那麼徹底。
  事實上,伊墨想說,他認識他之前,從不知道什麼是苦。
  活了千年,清修千年,在別的妖物眼裡,這樣的清苦是難以忍受的苦難,而對他,卻不是。雖然並無快樂,也無辛苦。
  就是這樣不快樂也不痛苦的活了很多很多年。
  然後他認識了沈清軒。
  很多人的人生,都是先從苦開始,慢慢轉而成甜。
  他卻相反,十三年的相識,他首先嘗到了甜,那種甜並非濃烈的讓人牙根發膩,卻淡而悠久,包圍了他十三年,浸泡了他十三年。
  之後,那些甜乍然回收,留下了揮散不去的苦,他這才學會體味苦的滋味。
  
  那是他漫長生命裡,第一次知道何謂苦,也才明白,原來這十三年的人生,是甜的。
  四處尋覓,緊追不捨,不是因為習慣了苦,而是記憶裡,始終有一塊地方儲存了那些清甜的往事,這些記憶讓他受再多傷,也沒有捨得放手,仿佛饑餓的人尋找食物,沙漠裡的動物尋找水源,要尋找甜美的滿足才有辛苦的跋涉。
  
  伊墨伸臂將枕邊人攬住,揉進自己懷裡,為他將來要受的苦心疼,卻沒有試圖阻止。
  即使很快他會成為一條野蛇,沒有人類的記憶,不識親疏,沒有愛恨。但在此之前,伊墨肯定自己的心情,無論自己變成什麼模樣,都希望與這個人在一起。不記得也沒關係,只要柳延不放手,他們依然會在一起。
  只要在一起,什麼都可以承擔。這是柳延的心情。
  他知道柳延的心情與想法,就像柳延明白他的擔憂和顧慮。
  撫著他的背,柳延道:“沒關係,只要我活著,就會護著你。你的毒對我無用,你就是咬我,我也不怕。”說著柳延突然想到什麼,笑道:“你放心,我不會讓人拔了你的毒牙。”
  伊墨卻思索片刻,問他:“沈玨呢?”
  柳延說:“我記得他小時候,你喂他吃過一粒丸藥。他應該也不怕你的毒。”
  做這些事的時候並沒有放在心上,所以伊墨記不起來,他起身出了門,沒一會又回到屋裡,手心裡握著一個青瓷瓶,放在桌上道:“這裡有一些藥丸,萬一將來我誤傷了誰,你給他吃了,就會沒事。”
  柳延點點頭:“我記下了。還有什麼?”
  伊墨想了想許久,終是搖頭:“沒了。”
  柳延熄滅了燭火,一室黑暗裡,拉過他的手。窗外月色皎潔,繁星點點。月華潑灑入戶,落在床畔,映在他們身上。
  他們躺在一起,手牽著手,十指相扣。恍惚多少年歲月,多少年奔波,都只為了這一瞬的踏實安寧。
  心中無限滿足。
  即使依然來不及,白首偕老。
  
  天濛濛亮的時候,睡在竹榻上的黑狼緩緩睜開了眼,獸瞳圓潤有光澤,帶著剛剛睡醒的迷惘,在目光觸到蒼冥的天際漂浮而來的一朵祥雲時,眼中睡意驟然消失,殺機立現。
  日子到了。黑狼轉過頭,回身看了一眼那扇緊閉的房門,房門依然緊緊閉合,沒有一絲要打開的跡象。
  妖的生命太長,他到今天活了三百年,生命裡亦有許多過客,其中不乏知己好友,然他依舊盛年,那些人卻早已不見。
  最後能陪伴相依的,只有親人。
  人生如白駒過隙,繁華轉眼凋零。這山中小院,房內一雙人,就是他的繁華人生。
  木門沒有打開,沈玨跳下竹榻,在門前端坐。
  遠際蒼冥天空,祥雲愈發近了,仙家的氣息在這一刻仿佛閻羅的煉獄,逼近這安於一隅的院落。
  沈玨靜靜守著,屋裡的人不出來,那麼,誰也別想進去。誰也別想破壞這些,僅餘不多的美好時光。
  守在門前的黑狼倨傲地揚著頭,目光沉靜如水,仿若石雕泥塑,凝固在木門前,一動不動。
  誰說守護本身,不可以是一件幸福的事。
  總算,這個世上,還有想要守護的存在。
  
  祥雲在院外消失不見。站在小院門口的仙人似有所覺,並未冒進,轉而及閘側的青石上盤膝打坐,靜候院門自己打開。他也有許多的光陰,漫長無際,早已在這無窮無盡的時光裡,熟稔的氣定神閑。
  磅礴的一輪紅日,從遠處的地平線上升起,璀璨的陽光帶著清晨的絲絲微涼,灑滿院落。小院中唯一一棵大樹也沐浴在清晨的陽光裡,微微搖擺的翠綠如琥珀的樹葉,在陽光中閃爍著剔透的光。
  陽光公平的灑在通體烏黑的巨狼身上,黑色毛皮被鍍上了脈脈流淌的一層金澤,他望著那輪紅日,眼神仿佛叢林深處一口古井,有著不為人知的蒼蒼隱秘——如果可以,他願付出一切代價,換這輪太陽的永不升起。
  
  身後的木門極輕的“吱呀”一聲,緩緩開了。
  陽光正盛,夢想總是輕易幻滅。時辰還是到了。
  伊墨從門後走出來,看著眼前的黑狼,巨大的狼身在他眼前直立起來,兩隻前爪攀在他的胸前,獸瞳裡漣漣一層水光。
  伊墨撫著狼頭,道:“你跟我走。”
  黑狼愣了一下,望向他身後,柳延站在那處,笑容清淺:“一會,把他帶回來。”
  伊墨走到院門處,拉開了門閂。
  門外仙人從青石上起身,走到他面前,問:“想好了嗎?”
  伊墨“嗯”了一聲,軒起唇角,微笑道:“打回原形吧,把命給我留下。”
  “不改了?”
  “不改。”
  仙人望著他,許久長歎一聲:“走吧。”
  
  伊墨回頭,看向房門處的那人,一身青袍薄衫,未曾束髮,散落的長髮在山風中輕輕揚起,又輕輕落下。
  清古冶豔,秀潤天成。
  伊墨走過去,面對著面,低聲道:“何其有幸。”
  
  ——何其有幸,讓我遇見你。
  枯索無味的人生,有了甜與苦,有了酸澀和熱烈,五味俱全的濃墨重彩,洗去蒼白。
  鮮活的活過,愛過。
  何其有幸,不負光陰,不負卿。

——————————————————

——We are all fathers.

beat Liu Yan in many things. In his three lifetimes , he had been defeated more often than victorious in front of him.

This man has always been stubborn and has outstanding eloquence. He can even make sense of unreasonable things. Moreover, at this moment, he is indeed right.

When I was still a snake, I must have been a father. Those nameless and faceless baby snakes hatched from white eggshells, could not speak human language, had no spiritual intelligence, were born and grew up in confusion, hunted to feed themselves, and died in confusion.

But Yi Mo didn’t know which of the baby snakes that had been born would be his own child.

To protect their young, female snakes will mate with several male snakes at the same time, so that each male snake that has mated with them will think that they are the creators of new life and therefore give up swallowing the eggs laid by the female snake. So when he was still a snake, he couldn’t be sure whether he had children. When he became a demon, he no longer cared whether he had been a father to those ignorant wild snakes .

After wandering in the human world for a hundred years, he learned a lot of things. Among them, regarding kinship, Yi Mo always felt that it was a matter that had nothing to do with him. Even if he made friends with a mortal woman and made her pregnant, what would be born? Yi Mo didn’t know. He didn’t know whether it would be a snake or a human. Even, Yi Mo thought coldly, it might not be an egg.

Now, he has become a father. Without the bond of blood, he raised someone else’s child – a half-human, half-demon monster – Yi Mo never told anyone that when he first saw the palm-sized wolf cub, he was sure that it was a monster.

Humans are humans, monsters are monsters , they exist in two completely different worlds, the gap is so wide that no one can cross it . But the little wolf cub did it easily, he is a combination of human and monster, half human, half monster was born in this world, and he also trampled on the law of the difference between mortals and monsters since ancient times. Therefore, Yi Mo determined that this is a monster.

However, he and Shen Qingxuan raised this monster together. Shen Qingxuan was extremely strict with him. He had to study hard, learn many principles, master the six arts, and excel in riding and shooting. However, he was not allowed to shoot even a sparrow. Shen Qingxuan used all means to suppress the wildness of the little monster. When suppressed too much, the little monster would turn to beg another father, open his eyes wide and keep pulling his sleeves. The little monster’s strategy of pitiful soldiers almost never failed. Often, after begging for two incense sticks, Yi Mo would take him to play in the mountains and forests, watching over the reckless little thing so that it would not get hurt.

This little monster would call him in a soft voice at any time: Dad.

This call lasted for nearly three hundred years.

I don’t know when he started, but he has become accustomed to telling others: This is my son. He devotes energy and time to this, lends a hand when he needs help, and stays by his side when he needs comfort.

The little monster will be attached to him, trust him, accompany him, and serve him. There is no blood relationship, but it is better than blood relationship.

Yi Mo knew that as long as they were still in this world, as long as they lived one more day, the little monster would always be a child, with someone to rely on in his heart. He could endure any hardship and always have hope.

Because no matter how hard or tired you are, there is always a peaceful place where you can rest.

If this place disappeared, what would the little monster look like? Yi Mo thought about it for a long time.

After a long time, Yi Mo said: “If I agreed to your request, I would be just a snake at that time, and you would not be in my memory."

Liu Yan said: “I remember you."

——I remember you. As long as I live, I will remember that no matter what you become, you are still my Yi Mo.

They are all Yi Mo, who has been ravaged by time and suffered so much hurt over the past three hundred years, but has never given up.

Living itself is a vain thing.

You never know when a disaster will strike, or when you will be struck by illness . Your short life will disappear in the blink of an eye, without a trace left.

Even if you survive, the journey of life is always full of dangers and thorns. Every road is dangerous and every step may lead to a desperate situation.

After three lifetimes, he has little passion for life left.

But even so, he still wanted to live.

Live, keep living, the pain can be forgotten, the scars can be smoothed out by time, and what remains is only the beauty that cannot be given up.

Even though I know he will be a snake without love or hate, I still want to hold him, hug him in my arms, and place him on the tip of my heart, to greet every sunrise with him, to share a sunset with brilliant afterglow, to breathe the traceless but thick and fresh air, and to appreciate the blooming and withering of a flower – we have wasted so much time.

Yes. Even if he is a snake, as long as he is alive, Liu Yan will accompany him and enjoy the beauty of this world .

We should extend it as long as we can. We should grab as much as we can.

Don’t let go if you can.

Yi Mo knew that she would eventually agree to him. Even if she refused at the moment, he would still agree after a long time, just like the marriage.

When it comes to love, it is like this: one thing conquers another. Struggling and resisting becomes ridiculous and futile. No matter how unwilling you are, it will eventually become something you are willing to do.

Yi Mo said: Okay.

That’s how it was settled.

As Yi Mo agreed, he remembered that Liu Yan had once asked him, “Is it hard to search for him for so many years?" Yi Mo thought, in the future, he would no longer know him, and would be just an ordinary little snake, who might bite him and hurt him.

——Were you miserable at that time?

Yi Mo wanted to ask, but didn’t ask. The answer is definitely yes. But Liu Yan is willing to bear this suffering, just like he was willing to bear the suffering that Ji Jiu gave him.

Once you are willing, there will be room for buffering the suffering, and it won’t be so bitter.

In fact, Yi Mo wanted to say that before he met him, he never knew what suffering was.

He had lived for a thousand years and practiced in seclusion for a thousand years. In the eyes of other monsters, such austerity was unbearable suffering, but not for him. Although there was no happiness, there was no hardship either.

I lived like this for many, many years, neither happily nor painfully.

Then he met Shen Qingxuan.

For many people, life starts off bitter and then slowly turns into sweetness.

He was the opposite. After thirteen years of acquaintance, he was the first to taste sweetness. That sweetness was not so strong that it made one’s teeth feel sick, but it was light and long-lasting. It surrounded him and soaked him for thirteen years.

Afterwards, the sweetness suddenly disappeared, leaving behind the lingering bitterness. Only then did he learn to appreciate the taste of bitterness.

That was the first time in his long life that he knew what bitterness was, and he realized that the past thirteen years of his life had been sweet.

He searches everywhere and pursues relentlessly, not because he is used to the hardship, but because there is always a place in his memory that stores those sweet memories. No matter how much he is hurt by these memories, he is unwilling to let go, just like a hungry person looking for food or an animal in the desert looking for water. Only in search of sweet satisfaction can he make an arduous journey.

Yi Mo stretched out his arms and embraced the person beside him, holding him in his arms. He felt sorry for the suffering he would have to endure in the future, but did not try to stop him.

Even if he will soon become a wild snake, without human memories, no sense of kinship, no love or hate. But before that, Yi Mo is sure of his feelings. No matter what he becomes, he hopes to be with this person. It doesn’t matter if he doesn’t remember. As long as Liu Yan doesn’t let go, they will still be together.

As long as they are together, they can bear anything. This is Liu Yan’s feeling.

He knew Liu Yan’s mood and thoughts, just as Liu Yan understood his worries and concerns.

Stroking his back, Liu Yan said, “It’s okay. As long as I’m alive, I will protect you. Your poison is useless to me. I’m not afraid even if you bite me." Liu Yan suddenly thought of something and smiled, “Don’t worry, I won’t let anyone pull out your fangs."

Yi Mo thought for a moment and asked him, “Where is Shen Jue?"

Liu Yan said: “I remember you fed him a pill when he was a child. He should not be afraid of your poison."

I didn’t take these things to heart when I did them, so Yi Mo couldn’t remember them. He got up and went out, and came back to the room a little while later, holding a celadon bottle in his hand. He put it on the table and said, “Here are some pills. If I accidentally hurt someone in the future, you give them to him and he’ll be fine."

Liu Yan nodded: “I’ve made a note of it. Anything else?"

Yi Mo thought about it for a long time, and finally shook his head: “No more."

Liu Yan extinguished the candle, and in the darkness of the room , she took his hand. Outside the window, the moonlight was bright and the stars were twinkling. The moonlight poured into the house, fell on the bed, and reflected on them.

They lay together, holding hands, fingers intertwined. It seemed as if they had gone through so many years, so many years of hard work, all just for this moment of peace and tranquility.

Infinite satisfaction in my heart.

Even if it is still too late, we will grow old together.

At daybreak , the black wolf sleeping on the bamboo couch slowly opened his eyes. His pupils were round and shiny, with a look of confusion from just waking up . When his gaze met an auspicious cloud floating in the dark sky, the sleepiness in his eyes suddenly disappeared, and murderous intent appeared.

The day has come. Black Wolf turned his head and looked back at the tightly closed door. The door was still tightly closed, with no sign of opening.

The demon’s life is too long. He has lived for three hundred years. There have been many passers-by in his life, including many close friends. However, he is still in his prime, but those people have long disappeared.

In the end, the only ones who can accompany and depend on you are your family.

Life is like a fleeting moment, and prosperity fades away in the blink of an eye. This small courtyard in the mountains and a couple in the room represent his prosperous life.

The wooden door did not open. Shen Jue jumped off the bamboo couch and sat in front of the door.

In the distant dark sky, auspicious clouds were getting closer and closer . At this moment, the breath of the immortals seemed like the purgatory of Yama, approaching this quiet courtyard.

Shen Jue quietly watched, and if the people in the room didn’t come out, then no one could go in. No one could ruin these few remaining good times.

The black wolf guarding the door raised its head arrogantly, its eyes as calm as water, like a stone sculpture or clay sculpture, frozen in front of the wooden door, motionless.

Who says that protection itself can’t be a happy thing?

Finally, there are still things in this world that I want to protect.

The auspicious clouds disappeared outside the courtyard. The immortal standing at the gate of the small courtyard seemed to have sensed something and did not rush in. Instead, he sat cross-legged on the bluestone beside the gate and waited for the gate to open by itself. He also had a lot of time, which was endless. He had already been familiar with calmness and ease in this endless time.

A majestic red sun rose from the distant horizon, and the bright sunlight, with a slight coolness in the morning, sprinkled all over the courtyard. The only big tree in the courtyard was also bathed in the morning sunlight, and the emerald green leaves like amber swayed slightly, sparkling in the sunlight.

The sunlight sprinkled evenly on the giant black wolf, and the black fur was coated with a layer of flowing gold. He looked at the red sun, and his eyes were like an ancient well deep in the jungle, with unknown secrets – if possible, he would pay any price in exchange for the sun never rising.

The wooden door behind him opened slowly with a slight creak.

The sun is shining brightly, and dreams are always easily shattered. The time has finally come.

Yi Mo walked out from behind the door and looked at the black wolf in front of him. The huge wolf body stood up in front of him, its two front paws clinging to his chest, and there was a layer of watery light in the animal’s eyes .

Yi Mo stroked the wolf’s head and said, “Come with me."

Black Wolf was stunned for a moment, then looked behind him. Liu Yan was standing there, smiling faintly: “Bring him back later."

Yi Mo walked to the gate of the courtyard and unbolted it.

The immortal outside the door stood up from the bluestone, walked up to him, and asked, “Have you thought it through?"

Yi Mo said “hmm", raised the corners of his lips , and smiled: “Go back to your original form and leave your life to me."

“Not changing it?"

“No change."

The immortal looked at him, sighed for a long time and said, “Let’s go."

Yi Mo turned around and looked at the man at the door. He was wearing a thin green robe and his hair was not tied up. His long hair was scattered and gently lifted up in the mountain breeze, and then gently fell down.

Clear, ancient, charming and beautiful, naturally graceful and elegant.

Yi Mo walked over, faced each other, and whispered, “What a blessing."

——How lucky I am to meet you.

The dull and boring life has sweetness and bitterness, sourness and warmth, and the rich colors of all five flavors wash away the paleness.

Live vividly and love.

How lucky I am to have not wasted my time and you.


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