許明世在院中徘徊許久,還是決定進去安慰安慰房裡那人,雖然他並不會安慰人。
走進房,許明世盤膝坐在地上,與柳延肩並著肩道:“你看外面陽光很好,我們去曬太陽吧?”
柳延臉上的神情終於有了細微的變化,斜眼望了他一會,起身拍了拍衣袖,走了出去。
燒了開水,泡好一壺茶,柳延又端出幾盤點心放在庭院的石桌上,拉過兩張竹椅,認真道:“來曬太陽吧。”
這是個陽光很好的午後,樹葉在微風中沙沙作響,雀鳥在枝間跳躍鳴啁,各種小蟲也在角落裡發出自己的聲音。
整個庭院因此陷入了一種深深的,寂靜的喧嘩。
許明世捧著柳延遞來的熱茶,忽而沉靜下來,之前不知該如何勸慰而生出的繁亂心思瞬乎消失無蹤,他想柳延或許不需要任何人勸慰,他心中清楚所有的道理。只是理智繞不過情感,所以他才會做出一連串,明知徒勞無功也要去做的事。
許明世這樣思忖著,緘默著。坐在一旁的柳延仰頭看著不遠處的山林,卻緩緩道:“幸好這時不是我一人。”
許明世愣了一下,轉過頭。這幾乎是一種感謝的語氣了。他想,沈清軒也會有這樣孤獨的時刻,並因為這樣的孤獨,而對身邊多出的另一個人心懷感激。
誰都會有這樣的時刻,仿佛被天地所遺棄。許明世微笑起來,道:“我一直以為自己老而無用,現下來看,好歹還是有些用處的。”
柳延點點頭,笑著飲了口茶。他一直盤算著等到開春,一家人出門去遊玩,這個計畫因許明世的意外來到而擱淺。現在他還在這山上,而此刻,他的家人都離開了。身邊唯獨剩下一個許明世。
幸而還有一個許明世。柳延想著,正因為還有一個人在身旁試圖勸慰安撫,所以他才能坐在這裡曬著太陽,飲著茶。
“沈清軒,”許明世道:“我都沒跟你說過我的事。”
“什麼事?”柳延問。
“我以前也有個喜歡的人。”許明世說。
大約是陽光太好,也或許是同病相憐,許明世大方地將心頭深埋的陰霾拿出來,曝與光天化日之下,輕聲道:“那是很久以前了。”
那的確是很久以前了。許明世甚至回想不起具體的日子,哪一朝,哪一天。
只記得,那是個陰雨連綿的夜晚,他還年輕著,雖不再氣盛,卻年少依舊。那時他聽聞某處村莊有妖孽作祟,禍害人畜,以為是什麼道行高深的大妖怪,便打理了許多法器匆匆趕了過去,到了地方,卻逮到了一隻通體雪白的兔子精。
被他抓住時,兔子精抱著一根咬了半截的蘿蔔,在破舊的農舍裡躲雨,躲到呼呼大睡。
許明世說著對柳延笑道:“當年是你告訴我,妖精不全是壞的,人也未必全是好的。所以我便留了它一命。”
“然後呢?”
然後那兔子精就跟著他,走了很遠很遠的路。
那是一個長著一雙兔牙的美麗姑娘。羞怯而膽小,稍微有點風吹草動,便找個地方躲起來瑟瑟發抖。她知道自己是妖,道士是降妖的人,本該水火不相容的對立著,這只兔子精卻因為他的手下留情,而對他有了依戀的心態。一開始只是遠遠的跟著,走一步停兩步,慢慢的兔子精發現前面遠遠走著的人,會在吃飯時給她留下兩個素包子,住店時給她多要一間房,便越走越近了。
直到可以在光天化日之下,並肩前行。
年輕的許明世帶著這只小妖精,一路上扶危救困,降妖除魔,因而很多人都知道,青雲山有一許姓道士,少年英俠。也都知道,這道士身旁,有一如花美眷。
許明世說到這裡頓住了,停了一下,似乎有了許多傷感。
“直到那一天,師門傳訊讓我們趕回去。那時我正帶著她在荒郊野林裡走了兩天,山頭有一隻黑熊精……”許明世緩緩道:“我讓她下山在客棧裡等我,我回師門一趟,去去就回。”
柳延沒有再繼續問下去。
生命處處都充滿了意外,有驚喜的,也有悲哀的。顯而易見,許明世遭遇的這場意外是後者。
山林多雨,那天也是下著瓢潑大雨,許明世囑咐完就匆匆離去,小兔子精躲在芭蕉葉下面,眼巴巴地望著他的背影消失,她知道自己不能跟他一起回師門。她只是妖。或許連妖都不是,妖都是神通廣大的,她只是個精怪,修煉五百年才學會變成人的模樣,道行更是低微,一路上幫不上許明世任何忙,甚至在有時候,成為這個人的累贅。
白兔精撐著芭蕉葉當做傘,就這麼心事重重地往山下走。芭蕉葉太小而她的身體太大,童心未泯的白兔化作了原形,用自己低淺的法力將芭蕉葉浮在上方遮風擋雨。
風太大,雨水斜殺而入,濕了毛皮的兔子散出動物的腥臊味,引來了山頭那只黑熊。
五天后許明世從師門趕回,四處尋遍也沒找到本應在客棧等待他的女孩,他轉身去了那座孤嶺,抱著一種希望交織著絕望的心情四處尋覓,最後在一棵大樹下找到了污穢不堪的一團兔屍。雪白的毛皮被泥土和血液沾染成一種渾濁不清的顏色,被開膛破肚取走內丹的小小身子,爬滿了蠕動的蛆蟲,蚊蠅肆虐聲不絕於耳。
手心裡面目全非的身子,只有一雙黯淡無光的眼睛還是睜著的,仿佛在等著誰。
低下頭,許明世望著自己的雙手,枯老而蠟黃,明明光陰流走,早已物是人非,他卻依然感覺得到那團腐屍捧在手心裡時的痛徹心扉。
肩頭被人安撫似的拍了拍,許明世抬起臉來,不知不覺已經淚盈與眶。
“沈清軒,你雖受苦頗多,卻至始至終知道自己要什麼。”許明世喃喃道:“不像我,等她沒了才知道,原來我喜歡她。”
柳延嗽了一聲,明明日頭正盛,風和日麗的好時節,卻無端難過難遏。
許久後,柳延道:“你已經放棄成仙修道,來世必然還會遇到她。”
許明世蒼老的臉上頓時露出一個天真的笑容來,語氣雀躍地說:“我也這麼覺得,下輩子我一定會遇到她。”
下輩子,一定要遇見,要說喜歡。
柳延閉上眼,仰在竹椅背上,神情恬靜,心底安寧。
是的,任何時候,都要懷抱希望。
懷抱希望,才能好好活。
沈玨坐在露出一角的岩石上,微微揚頭,望向遠處。夕陽落山,白雲蒼狗,有一隻鷹在翱翔。
草叢中終於傳出動靜,沈玨抬眼看去,一條花白大蛇從草垛裡遊出來,顯然是已經“酒足飯飽”,動作都是懶洋洋的。沈玨等了片刻,見黑蛇還未出來,便抓起一旁樹枝,將那堆草垛挑開了。
只見草叢裡纏繞著一團黑黑白白的東西,需要仔細鑒別,才能看出那一團物事是三條蛇纏繞在一起,沈玨要找的那條黑蛇,尾部正與其中一條勾連在一處,另外一條蛇心有不甘,也與它們纏在一起。
沈玨觀察許久,才分清這是一雌二雄,見它們互相纏得死緊,光天化日之下形態實在不堪,忍不住腹誹一句:蛇性本淫!摔了樹枝,悻悻地站到一邊去了。
直到又一個天明,心滿意足的黑蛇才施施然遊過來,在沈玨腿邊徘徊了片刻,果斷地順著他的腳攀上去。沈玨哼了一聲,將它提起繞在手腕上,拔腿便往回走,心裡不是不憤怒的:你在這裡縱情快活,家裡那人卻不知有多淒涼。
心裡有了氣,沈玨腳下便跑的飛快,風馳電掣間,眼尾掃到一撇花白,想起那正是昨天看到的蛇類的其中之一,心中恍然,原來它們竟是三雄一雌,頓時就生出些微惡意來:你再縱情,那母蛇也未必會生你的種!
沈玨知道自己完全是庸人自擾,他跟一條蛇有什麼好置氣的?就算這蛇四處留種成功,他們父子也不會替他養小蛇。偏偏就是忍不住,滿心滿腦都是氣,仿佛被欺負了似的,若不是理智還在,此刻一把掐死他的心都有了。
——你就仗著自己是條蛇!
走到家門口,沈玨深深地吸氣,吐息間平復了心緒,露出滿臉笑容推開了院門大聲喊道:“爹,我回來了。”
柳延將竹椅搬到樹蔭下看書,許明世蹲在一旁用一根小樹枝撥弄螞蟻洞玩兒,聞聲同時轉過頭,看向他道:“餓了。”
沈玨也不惱,把手中黑蛇往地上一放,隨他四處亂跑,自己卷袖子舀水淨手,去廚間做飯去了。
黑蛇回到家,四處環顧一圈,發現絲毫未變,歡歡喜喜地找到柳延,癩皮狗似的纏了過去,一點都沒想起之前自己曾咬過他一口,柳延似乎也將這事忘得乾淨,把他攬在懷裡,繼續讀書。
許明世本以為會有什麼事情發生,結果發現一切照舊,忍不住自己發了會呆。他發呆的功夫,被搗了窩的螞蟻在他腳邊四處亂竄,眼見著要鑽到他鞋底被碾死,許明世連忙挪到一旁讓路,黃土地上留了個鞋印。結果那螞蟻還不領情,在鞋印旁嗅了嗅,施施然地從一旁繞過去了。
許明世心想:我鞋底很臭麼?有些煩悶的站起身,四處張望一番,頃刻就鑽進了廚房。
沈玨正在洗菜,見他進來也懶得理,許明世尷尬地站在一邊,看他洗出水靈靈的青菜來,又很快地淘好米,灶火燃得旺旺的,米飯很快散出香氣。沈玨又去切肉。
許明世站了良久,無人搭理甚是無趣,便忍不住歎息一聲道:“你就喊我一聲叔叔,又如何?”
沈玨的手頓住了,片刻後放下手中傢伙什,轉身走了出去。
許明世一人對著滿屋煙火,失落無比。
很快腳步聲又響起,沈玨去而又回,許明世悶悶地垂著腦袋。
直到沈玨招呼他過去,在那放置了菜蔬的木桌上將懷裡包袱放下。
沈玨打開這跟隨自己三百年都未曾拋下的包裹。
藍布裡裹著一層藍布,再解開還是藍布,許明世想不出來裡面會是什麼,讓沈玨如此珍視。
最後一層布料解開,裡面靜靜放著一個木盒。暗紅的色澤昭示著年代的久遠。
沈玨將木盒打開,將裡面物事一件件拿出來,隨著物品的一一展開,許明世的神情也愈發茫然起來。
那些拿出來的東西,他都見過,無一不認識——有根雕的牧童、竹制的蛐蛐籠、手削的小木刀、一根小號的馬鞭……所有這些,都是孩童的玩意兒。
但這些玩意,無一不是很多年前,他在外遊歷時,裝在包裹裡帶回沈家的東西。
他曾經獻寶似的拿著這些東西擠眉弄眼,只為了逗那個孩子開心地喊他叔叔。
沈玨將這些陪伴了自己幼年的物事取出,一一排開,幾乎沒有損壞,只是年華易逝,這些東西也都蒙上了一層黯淡的陳舊。
沈玨沉默著,方道:“身體髮膚,受之父母。他們因你喪命,我若喚你叔叔,對不起他們。”
許明世抬起眼,一言不發。
“你待我好,我也記著。”沈玨說,“一日不敢相忘。”
站了片刻,沈玨將那些東西重新收起,裝進自己的小木盒中,掩上蓋子,一層一層用布裹住放在一旁,才繼續道:“人活一世,都會犯錯。不是所有的錯誤都需要原諒才能解決。”
沈玨道:“許明世,這麼多年,你還沒有放下嗎?”
菜肴的香氣傳出院外,沈玨在庭院裡支了張桌子,飯食過後,許明世道:“我出趟遠門。”
————————————————
Xu Mingshi wandered in the yard for a long time, and finally decided to go in and comfort the person in the room, even though he didn’t know how to comfort people.
Walking into the room, Xu Mingshi sat cross-legged on the ground, shoulder to shoulder with Liu Yan and said, “Look, the sun is shining brightly outside, shall we go out and bask in the sun?"
The expression on Liu Yan’s face finally changed slightly. He glanced at him for a while, stood up, patted his sleeves, and walked out.
After boiling water and making a pot of tea, Liu Yan brought out a few plates of snacks and placed them on the stone table in the courtyard. He then pulled over two bamboo chairs and said seriously, “Come and bask in the sun."
It was a sunny afternoon. The leaves rustled in the breeze, birds jumped and chirped among the branches , and various insects made their own sounds in the corners.
The whole courtyard was thus plunged into a deep, silent noise.
Xu Mingshi held the hot tea handed by Liu Yan and suddenly calmed down. The confusion he had previously felt about how to comfort Liu Yan disappeared instantly . He thought that Liu Yan might not need anyone to comfort him. He knew all the reasons in his heart. It was just that reason could not get around emotions, so he did a series of things that he knew were futile.
Xu Mingshi thought about this in silence. Liu Yan, who was sitting next to him, looked up at the forest not far away and said slowly: “Fortunately, I am not alone at this time."
Xu Mingshi was stunned for a moment and turned his head. This was almost a tone of gratitude. He thought that Shen Qingxuan would also have such lonely moments, and because of such loneliness, he would be grateful for the extra person around him.
Everyone has such moments, as if abandoned by the world. Xu Mingshi smiled and said, “I always thought I was old and useless, but now it seems that I am still useful."
Liu Yan nodded and smiled as he drank his tea. He had been planning to wait until the spring for his family to go out for fun, but this plan was shelved because of Xu Mingshi’s unexpected arrival. Now he is still on this mountain, and at this moment, his family has left. Only Xu Mingshi is left by his side.
Fortunately, there is still Xu Mingshi. Liu Yan thought that it was precisely because there was someone beside him trying to comfort him that he could sit here in the sun and drink tea.
“Shen Qingxuan," Xu Mingshi said, “I haven’t told you anything about me."
“What’s the matter?" Liu Yan asked.
“I also had someone I liked before," said Xu Mingshi.
Perhaps it was because the sun was too bright, or perhaps it was because they shared the same pain, Xu Mingshi generously took out the haze buried deep in his heart, exposed it to the broad daylight , and whispered: “That was a long time ago."
That was indeed a long time ago. Xu Mingshi couldn’t even recall the specific date, the day or the day.
I only remember that it was a rainy night. He was still young , and although he was no longer energetic, he was still young. At that time, he heard that there was a demon in a village, harming people and animals. He thought it was a powerful monster, so he packed up a lot of magic tools and rushed over. When he arrived at the place, he caught a snow-white rabbit demon.
When he was caught, the rabbit spirit was holding a half-bitten carrot and hiding from the rain in a dilapidated farmhouse, where he fell into a deep sleep.
Xu Mingshi smiled at Liu Yan and said, “It was you who told me that not all goblins are bad, and not all people are good. So I spared its life."
“Then what?"
Then the rabbit spirit followed him for a very long way.
She was a beautiful girl with a pair of rabbit teeth. She was shy and timid. She would hide and tremble at the slightest disturbance. She knew that she was a demon and the Taoist priest was a demon hunter. They should be incompatible with each other . However, the rabbit spirit became attached to him because he showed mercy. At first, she just followed him from a distance, taking one step and stopping two steps. Gradually, the rabbit spirit found that the person walking in front of her would leave two vegetarian buns for her when eating and ask for an extra room for her when staying in a hotel, so she walked closer and closer.
Until we can walk side by side in broad daylight.
The young Xu Mingshi took this little goblin with him, helping the needy and exorcising demons along the way. As a result, many people knew that there was a Taoist priest named Xu in Qingyun Mountain, a young hero. They also knew that there was a beautiful woman beside this Taoist priest .
Xu Mingshi paused here and paused for a moment, seeming to be very sad.
“Until that day, our master sent a message to us to hurry back. At that time, I had been walking with her in the wilderness for two days. There was a black bear demon on the top of the mountain…" Xu Mingshi said slowly: “I asked her to go down the mountain and wait for me in the inn. I will go back to our master and come back soon."
Liu Yan did not ask any further questions.
Life is full of surprises, some are pleasant surprises, and some are sad. Obviously, the accident that Xu Mingshi encountered was the latter.
It rains a lot in the mountains and forests, and it was pouring rain that day. Xu Mingshi left in a hurry after giving his instructions. The little rabbit spirit hid under the banana leaves, staring at his disappearing figure. She knew she couldn’t go back to the sect with him. She was just a demon. Or maybe not even a demon , because demons are all powerful. She was just a demon. She practiced for 500 years before learning to transform into a human. Her Taoism was even lower. She couldn’t help Xu Mingshi at all along the way, and sometimes even became a burden to this man.
The white rabbit fairy held up a banana leaf as an umbrella and walked down the mountain with a heavy heart. The banana leaf was too small and her body was too big, so the childish white rabbit changed into her original form and used her limited magic power to float the banana leaf above her to protect her from the wind and rain.
The wind was too strong and the rain was pouring in . The rabbit’s fur was wet and it gave off an animal smell, which attracted the black bear on the hill.
Five days later, Xu Mingshi returned from his master’s sect. He searched everywhere but couldn’t find the girl who was supposed to be waiting for him at the inn. He turned around and went to the lonely mountain . He searched everywhere with a feeling of hope and despair. Finally, he found a filthy rabbit corpse under a big tree. The snow-white fur was stained with mud and blood into a turbid color. The small body was disemboweled and the inner elixir was taken away. It was crawling with maggots, and the sound of mosquitoes and flies was endless.
The body in the palm of his hand was unrecognizable, with only a pair of dull eyes still open, as if waiting for someone.
Xu Mingshi lowered his head and looked at his hands, which were old and sallow. Although time had passed and everything had changed, he could still feel the heart-wrenching pain when he held the rotten corpse in his hands.
Someone patted his shoulder as if to comfort him. Xu Mingshi raised his face and unknowingly his eyes were filled with tears .
“Shen Qingxuan, although you have suffered a lot, you always knew what you wanted." Xu Mingshi murmured, “Unlike me, I didn’t know until she was gone that I liked her."
Liu Yan coughed . It was clearly a sunny day with gentle breezes and beautiful weather, but he felt inexplicably sad .
After a long time, Liu Yan said: “You have given up on becoming an immortal and practicing Taoism. You will definitely meet her again in the next life."
An innocent smile suddenly appeared on Xu Mingshi’s old face, and he said in an excited tone: “I think so too. I will definitely meet her in the next life."
In the next life, I must meet you and tell you that I love you.
Liu Yan closed his eyes and leaned back on the bamboo chair, looking serene and at peace in his heart.
Yes, always have hope.
Only by having hope can you live well.
Shen Jue sat on a rock with a corner exposed, raised his head slightly, and looked into the distance. The sun was setting, the clouds were white, and there was an eagle soaring.
Finally, there was a sound in the bushes. Shen Jue looked up and saw a large white snake swimming out of the haystack. It was obviously “full of food and drink" and its movements were lazy. Shen Jue waited for a while, and when he saw that the black snake had not come out yet, he grabbed a branch and opened the haystack.
I saw a bunch of black and white things entangled in the grass. It took careful identification to see that the thing was three snakes entangled together. The tail of the black snake that Shen Jue was looking for was hooked with one of them, and the other snake was unwilling to give in , so it was also entangled with them.
Shen Jue observed for a long time before he could tell that it was a female and two males. Seeing them entangled tightly, they looked so ugly in broad daylight that he could not help but say in his heart: Snakes are naturally lustful! He dropped the branch and stood aside in dismay.
Until the next day, the satisfied black snake swam over leisurely , hovered around Shen Jue’s legs for a moment, and decisively climbed up along his feet . Shen Jue snorted, picked it up and wrapped it around his wrist, and walked back, feeling angry in his heart: You are enjoying yourself here, but the person at home is so miserable.
Angry, Shen Jue ran as fast as he could. While running, he caught a glimpse of white at the corner of his eye. He remembered that it was one of the snakes he saw yesterday. It suddenly dawned on him that there were three males and one female. He immediately felt a little malicious: No matter how indulgent you are, that female snake may not give birth to your child!
Shen Jue knew that he was just worrying over nothing. Why should he be angry with a snake ? Even if the snake was successful in leaving offspring everywhere, he and his son would not raise baby snakes for him. But he just couldn’t help it. He was filled with anger, as if he was being bullied. If he hadn’t been rational, he would have strangled him to death.
——You just rely on the fact that you are a snake!
When he reached the door of his house, Shen Jue took a deep breath, calmed his mind as he exhaled , and with a smile on his face, he pushed open the gate and shouted, “Dad, I’m back."
Liu Yan moved the bamboo chair to the shade of the tree to read. Xu Mingshi squatted beside him and used a small branch to play with the ant hole. Hearing the sound, he turned his head and looked at him and said, “I’m hungry."
Shen Jue didn’t get angry. He put the black snake in his hand on the ground and let it run around. He rolled up his sleeves, scooped water to wash his hands, and went to the kitchen to cook.
The black snake returned home, looked around, and found that nothing had changed. He happily found Liu Yan and clung to him like a mangy dog, not remembering at all that he had bitten him before. Liu Yan seemed to have forgotten about it completely, as he held him in his arms and continued reading.
Xu Mingshi thought something would happen, but he found that everything was the same as before, and he couldn’t help but be dazed for a while. While he was dazed, the ants whose nests were destroyed were running around at his feet, and they were about to get into his shoes and be crushed to death. Xu Mingshi quickly moved aside to make way, leaving a shoe print on the yellow ground. But the ant didn’t appreciate it, sniffed at the shoe print, and walked away leisurely .
Xu Mingshi thought: Do the soles of my shoes stink? He stood up in annoyance, looked around, and immediately went into the kitchen.
Shen Jue was washing vegetables, and when he came in, he was too lazy to pay attention. Xu Mingshi stood aside awkwardly, watching him wash the juicy green vegetables, and then quickly wash the rice. The stove was burning vigorously, and the rice soon gave off a fragrant aroma. Shen Jue went to cut the meat again.
Xu Mingshi stood there for a long time, feeling very bored as no one paid any attention to him. He could not help but sigh and said , “You just call me uncle, so what?"
Shen Jue’s hand paused, and after a moment he put down the things in his hand, turned around and walked out.
Xu Mingshi was alone facing the room full of fireworks, feeling extremely lost.
Soon the footsteps were heard again. Shen Jue went away and came back again. Xu Mingshi hung his head in depression.
It was not until Shen Jue called him over that he put down the bag in his arms on the wooden table where the vegetables were placed.
Shen Jue opened the package that had been with him for three hundred years and had never been thrown away.
There was a layer of blue cloth wrapped inside a blue cloth, and when it was untied, it was still blue cloth. Xu Mingshi couldn’t imagine what was inside that made Shen Jue cherish it so much.
The last layer of cloth was untied, and a wooden box was quietly placed inside. The dark red color showed that it was very old.
Shen Jue opened the wooden box and took out the things inside one by one. As the items unfolded one by one, Xu Mingshi’s expression became more and more confused.
He had seen all the things that were taken out before and recognized them all – there was a root-carved shepherd boy, a bamboo cricket cage, a hand-carved wooden knife, a small horse whip…all of these were children’s toys.
But all of these things were things he packed in packages and brought back to the Shen family when he was traveling many years ago.
He once held these things and made faces at them as if they were treasures, just to make the child call him uncle happily.
Shen Jue took out those things that had accompanied him throughout his childhood and laid them out one by one . They were almost undamaged, but with the passing of time, these things had become covered with a layer of dullness and oldness.
Shen Jue was silent, then said, “My body and hair are from my parents. They died because of you. If I call you uncle, I will be sorry to them."
Xu Mingshi raised his eyes and said nothing.
“You treated me well, and I remember it." Shen Jue said, “I won’t forget you for a day."
After standing for a while, Shen Jue put those things away again, put them into his small wooden box, closed the lid, wrapped them layer by layer with cloth and put them aside, and then continued: “Everyone makes mistakes in their lifetime. Not all mistakes need to be forgiven to be resolved."
Shen Jue said: “Xu Mingshi, after all these years, you still haven’t let it go?"
The aroma of the dishes spread out of the courtyard. Shen Jue set up a table in the courtyard. After the meal, Xu Mingshi said, “I’m going on a long journey."
