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評分:3 分,滿分為 5。

遇蛇 Snake Encounter 3·30

  沈玨說:“你若死了,下輩子也未必能夠再遇上。這一世就交代在這裡,甘心?”
  “沒有什麼甘心不甘心,這是我該做的。”許明世答。
  就是因為不知道下輩子不一定還能遇上他,所以做好這輩子的事才是重要的。
  他一生所經繁多,再多的熱鬧都經歷過,再多的繁華也欣賞過,但最後,停駐在腦海中的卻是漫天飛雪的冬季,他與這一家人坐在帷幕籠罩的八角亭裡,擁毳衣爐火,望著白雪飄揚,在寒風無法侵襲到的亭子中飲酒談天。沈清軒妙語連珠,即使再簡單的事,從他口中說出來,也有許多意趣。那時他年少青春,心性未穩,常常被逗的哈哈大笑,一不小心便將手中美酒撒的到處都是;那時沈玨還喚他“許叔叔”,正是眉眼間天真無邪的孩子,圍著大人在亭子裡跑,跑著跑著見許叔叔笑的癲狂,沒個形象,忍不住也呵呵傻笑;伊墨少言寡語,卻也微笑著,給他們空掉的酒盞斟滿熱騰騰的美酒。
  那是最尋常不過的冬日,院子裡的梅花開了,沈清軒邀他賞花。
  沒有太多熱烈。只是雪花飄揚,梅花幽香,爐火熱旺,花生在火爐旁被烤得“劈啪”作響,酒盞被斟滿又被飲空接著再次斟滿。
  然而卻是,花團錦簇,盛景正隆。
  那時他們還不知前路如此坎坷多舛,也不知道會有那麼多離離散散。他們都沒有預知的能力,前路未知,今朝共醉。
  那時他們以為會是一生一世的朋友,直到今天,方知這段緣分這麼長。情義並沒有隨著時間的流逝而削減,卻被時光打磨的愈發深邃。
  
  死亡是可怕的,即使他已經是枯朽老人,對即將到來的永恆的黑暗,依然有著懼怕。
  但情與義,卻毅然構成了赴死的動源。
  在還有力氣伸出手時,拉朋友一把,不是為了博得美名和讚頌,僅僅是為了即使失去生命也要維護東西,能夠無愧於心立足於世的東西。
  那是救助、是扶持、是關愛、是情誼。
  世間正是因為有這樣的東西,有追逐這些東西的人,才能美好,並繼續美好下去。
  
  他主意已定,沈玨卻思慮再三,願景總是美好的,過程卻屢屢殘酷周折,用許明世的命換伊墨回來,于情于理沈玨都不願意。
  “事關父親,這件事該徵詢父親的意思的,”沈玨說:“父親不能拿主意,那就該由爹決定。”
  許明世說:“你就不能同意嗎?”
  “不能。”沈玨言之鑿鑿地答。
  “沈玨,”許明世望著他,思忖著問:“這些年,家中可有一件事是你拿主意定主張的?”
  沈玨聞言先是一愣,想了半晌,最終搖了搖了頭。這一次搖頭,帶著許多愧色。
  普通人家的孩子,早早就成了家中的頂樑柱,為家中出謀劃策,定方向,做主張。而他從未有過這樣的時候。
  沈清軒離世時,他尚年幼,便一直跟著伊墨。伊墨心性淡薄,極少捲入是非紛爭,若是捲入了,那也是他執意要插手,無須旁人多言。他只需要跟在身後就好。漸漸地就這麼長大了,可是跟隨追逐的腳步卻沒有停下來過,也從未認真想過,會有停下來的一天。他們在哪,他就在哪。即使中途因皇帝而短暫停留,短短的分離裡也沒有和伊墨斷了聯繫,這樣的停留不是因為可以分開了,而是因為心裡明白很快就會回去。這是一個持續了百年的習慣,已成固習。
  可是許明世卻問:“他們離世後,你怎麼辦?”
  “我去找他們。”沈玨本能的想這樣回答,話到嘴邊打了個轉兒又咽回肚子裡,因為想起還有一個人,也承諾過要去找,要去尋的。在找到那個人之前,他不能去找父親和爹爹。
  心裡莫名地動了一下,沈玨失神地站著,頭一回不知道該怎麼辦。若是找不到呢?放棄不是他做事的原則,況且有諾在先。諾言如誓言一樣,當以命誓,以血踐!所以他只能一直找,直到找到,了結這件事方能去找投胎轉世的父親和爹爹。他們一定不認得自己了。
  做妖有什麼好。沈玨想,這不是第一次有這個念頭,卻是第一次,有如此清晰的念頭。
  
  許明世望著他的神色,心裡忍不住歎了一聲,他其實只是個孩子。
  怪不得沈清軒不肯隨伊墨一齊離世,怪不得沈清軒寧可守著一隻蛇也要活下去。對他的孩子,他看得很清楚,所以始終放不下心。
  伊墨這些年月裡將他照顧的太過周到,以至於連伊墨都忘了,羽翼成熟的幼鳥早該離巢獨立,尋找新的依傍和羈絆,他卻一直將他帶在身邊。
  所以沈玨的世界裡,只有三個人,伊墨、沈清軒、還有那個皇帝。
  若是他們不在,那人也不認他,沈玨將來會如何,尚未可知。
  許明世躊躇著道:“你做個決定吧。你是他們的孩子,無論什麼決定,都有資格去做。”
  沈玨猶豫著,很久過後,依然沒有點頭。
  
  就是這樣僵持的時候,柳延回來了。
  從門外看見他們,顯然是欣喜的,柳延放下背上的小竹簍將裡面幾乎裝滿的蘑菇給他們看,“采了這許多,晚上熬一鍋鮮湯喝。”
  既然他已經回來,許明世也不再逼問沈玨,只是暗自搖頭。
  柳延見他們神情不對,問:“出什麼事了嗎?”
  “有些事。”許明世繞過沈玨走過去,“我們談談。”
  
  石桌上擺好了糕點和清茶,沈玨端著竹簍去廚房裡洗涮蘑菇,將空間留給他們。
  柳延先坐下,目光清明而銳利,似乎知道了些什麼。倒是許明世,一時不知該從何說起,在他的目光下沉默著,斟酌措辭。
  既然他未想好,柳延便開了口,劈頭就問:“關於伊墨的事?”
  許明世一怔,接著點點頭。
  “你不說,我也能猜到一二。”柳延定定望著他,道:“你不用做些什麼,現在這樣就很好。”
  “很好嗎?”許明世這才開口,“其實我也知道你是怎麼想的。只是你想過沒有,今年你留得住他,明年呢?後年呢?若他真有喜歡的母蛇,要跟它走,你又怎麼辦?”
  “不會。”柳延快速地道。
  “你拿什麼這麼肯定?”許明世笑了笑,緘默片刻過後,嚴肅道:“他如今是蛇,縱然有情義之心,曉得你待他好,卻未必不想追逐更適合他的生活。他會離開你的,遲早有這一天。”
  言罷,許明世又篤定地重複一遍,道:“你心裡也明白。”
  
  “山不就我,我就山。”柳延仍是那副從容的神態:“他去哪裡,我跟去哪裡。他若想與別人長相廝守,我就陪著他。若實在無法忍受,我就殺了那讓他留戀的東西,讓他回到我身邊又如何?”
  柳延挑了一下眼皮,緩緩道:“我終歸是要綁住他的,無論他甘願不甘願。三百年前是這樣,三百年後還是這樣。”
  許明世說:“眼下有一個更好的法子,不是嗎?”
  “你要付出什麼代價?”柳延問,沒有表現出任何訝異。仿佛一切都已知曉般通透世故。他始終這般清醒自持地活著,把握任何微小的動靜,琢磨微渺的痕跡,以此推概出全貌,並作出最恰當的選擇。未必是最好的,卻是最合適的。
  他問:“你要付出什麼樣的代價?許明世。”
  “我已經老朽,沒有幾天可活。”許明世沒有直接回答,婉轉地給了一個不算欺瞞的答案,“他是我朋友、知己、也是兄弟。為情為義,我都該這麼做。”
  “然後,”柳延道:“你死之後,投胎去找你的小白兔嗎?”
  “當然。”許明世小心地掩去眼中的失落,“我放棄修仙,就是為了去找她,若有運氣,便能守一世夫妻……當初我若細心些,送她回客棧再走,也不會讓她死無全屍。”
  “你再讓我想想。”柳延說,“你得讓我想想。”
  許明世歎道:“那你再想想。”
  
  柳延坐在竹椅上,說要想想,就一直坐到天黑,果真無人來打擾他。只有一條蛇,一覺醒來柳延不在,又睡一覺,醒來柳延仍未歸來,他再睡,便覺得被子裡也不暖了,爬了出來,從門檻上游過,找到了庭院裡孤坐的柳延。
  他是那麼自然地順著柳延的腳踝攀了上去,仿佛一條蛇與一個人的親昵是天經地義。
  柳延伸出手,他纏過去被抱進懷裡,他抬起頭,在擁抱他的人臉上舔了舔,又挨過去蹭了蹭,這才找了個習慣的位置,重新蜷起來繼續發懶。
  
  天色漸漸暗了,沈玨端著飯菜過來,道:“爹,一天沒吃了。”
  柳延點點頭,透過他身側,望著青藍光線裡的許明世,沉聲問:“許明世,你還瞞了我什麼?”
  他面前二人俱是一愣。
  “我仔細想過,以你的性情,這件事你該是歡歡喜喜來告訴我才對。”柳延抱著黑蛇起身,緩緩踱步走向他:“你知道,我也知道,你年歲已高,未必活得過今年,在這不多的日子裡,你還能做最後一點事。你會高興地來告訴我,伊墨還有法子回到人形。”
  “但是你沒有。”柳延說:“為什麼?”
  “你瞞了什麼未說,所以才這樣遲疑地告訴我,甚至擔心我會不同意?”
  “什麼事,讓你連死都無畏,卻生生瞞下來,不敢說?”
  柳延一句接一句的逼問過去,不顯山不露水,句句直抵要害。幾乎逼得許明世冷汗都淌了下來。
  
  柳延見狀,就不再問了。他說:“這件事就這麼算了吧。”
  他不再問,是因為很多事情都不需要清楚的太徹底,他只要保證自己不糊塗就足夠。或許有一天伊墨會真的離他而去,轉尋更好的依傍,但那一天到來之前,柳延並不後悔此刻的決定。生與死是無足輕重的事,許明世重情重義,要為伊墨去死,他會難過,卻不會阻攔,每個人都有表達自己情義的方法和自由。但若讓朋友為此陷入比死還可怖的境地,他做不到。
  他的快樂可以建立在死亡上,卻不能建立在苦痛上。
  
  “許明世,”柳延說:“壽終正寢也未嘗有什麼不好。你好好活著,我們為你養老,到那一天,我們為你洗梳為你換裝,讓你乾淨體面的去尋找你的小兔子。”
  “她在等你。”柳延輕輕說,聲音柔和,語調溫善。
  
  良久後,許明世道:“……你讓我說什麼呢?”
  說什麼呢?人活一世,所求無外乎世上還有這樣一個人,比你自己還要瞭解你自己。
  何其幸運的是,他還是你的朋友、你的知己、你的兄弟。
  他理解你,體貼你,即使你已老而無用,他還憐惜著這樣老朽的你。
  即使他自己已身陷囹圄之境,也不妨礙他如一棵高大的古樹,堅定不移的屹立在那裡,為你遮風擋雨,竭盡所能的庇護著你。
  這是沈清軒。是他年少輕狂時結交的友人,並為此受益終生。
  
  天下多少人,來來又往往,去去又返返,卻只這一個沈清軒。
  獨一無二的,沈清軒。

————————————————

Shen Jue said: “If you die, I may not be able to meet you again in the next life. You are willing to die here in this life?"

“It’s not a matter of being willing or not. This is what I should do," Xu Mingshi replied.

It is because we don’t know whether we will meet him again in the next life, so it is important to do well in this life.

He had been through a lot in his life, experienced a lot of excitement, and appreciated a lot of prosperity , but in the end, what stayed in his mind was the winter with snow all over the sky. He sat with this family in the octagonal pavilion covered by curtains, hugged the fire in fur clothes, looked at the snow fluttering, and drank and talked in the pavilion where the cold wind could not invade. Shen Qingxuan was witty and even the simplest things, when spoken from his mouth, were very interesting. At that time, he was young and youthful, and his mind was not stable. He was often amused and laughed out loud, and accidentally spilled the wine in his hand everywhere; at that time, Shen Jue still called him “Uncle Xu", and he was an innocent child with innocent eyes and eyebrows, running around the adults in the pavilion. When he ran and saw Uncle Xu laughing crazily and without image, he couldn’t help but laugh foolishly; Yi Mo was taciturn, but he also smiled and filled their empty wine cups with hot wine.

It was a very ordinary winter day. The plum blossoms in the yard were in bloom, and Shen Qingxuan invited him to appreciate the flowers.

There was not much excitement. There were just snowflakes flying, plum blossoms were fragrant, the fire was blazing, peanuts were roasting by the fire, and the wine cups were filled, emptied, and then filled again.

However, the scene is full of flowers and prosperous.

At that time, they didn’t know that the road ahead would be so bumpy and full of twists and turns, nor did they know that there would be so many separations . They didn’t have the ability to foresee, the road ahead was unknown, and they were drunk together today .

At that time, they thought they would be friends for life, but only today did they know that this fate was so long. Friendship has not diminished with the passage of time, but has been polished by time to become more profound.

Death is terrible. Even though he is already a withered old man, he still fears the eternal darkness that is coming.

But love and righteousness are the motivation for dying.

When you still have the strength to extend a hand, lend a hand to your friends, not to win fame and praise, but simply to protect something even if it costs you your life , something that will allow you to stand in the world with a clear conscience.

It is help, support, care and friendship.

The world is beautiful and will continue to be beautiful because of things like this and people who pursue them.

He had made up his mind, but Shen Jue thought again and again. Visions are always beautiful, but the process is often cruel and tortuous. Shen Jue was unwilling to exchange Xu Mingshi’s life for Yi Mo’s return, both emotionally and logically.

“This is about father, so we should consult him on this matter," Shen Jue said, “If father can’t make the decision, then it should be decided by Dad."

Xu Mingshi said: “Can’t you just agree?"

“No." Shen Jue answered confidently.

“Shen Jue," Xu Mingshi looked at him and asked thoughtfully, “Did you make the decision on anything in the family over the years?"

Shen Jue was stunned at first, thought for a while, and finally shook his head. This time he shook his head with a guilty look.

Children from ordinary families would become the backbone of the family at an early age, making plans, setting directions, and making decisions for the family. But he had never had such a time.

When Shen Qingxuan passed away, he was still young, and he had been following Yi Mo. Yi Mo was indifferent and rarely got involved in disputes. If he was involved, he would insist on intervening, and no one else needed to say anything. He just needed to follow behind. He grew up gradually, but he never stopped following the footsteps of pursuit, and never seriously thought that there would be a day to stop. Wherever they were, he was there. Even if he stopped briefly because of the emperor, he did not lose contact with Yi Mo during the short separation. This stay was not because they could be separated, but because he knew in his heart that he would go back soon. This is a habit that has lasted for a hundred years and has become a fixed habit.

But Xu Mingshi asked: “What will you do after they pass away?"

“I’ll go find them." Shen Jue instinctively wanted to answer like this, but the words turned around and swallowed back into his stomach, because he remembered that there was another person who he had promised to find. Before finding that person, he couldn’t go find his father and daddy.

Shen Jue stood there in a daze, not knowing what to do for the first time. What if he couldn’t find it? Giving up was not his principle, and he had made a promise. A promise is like an oath, which should be sworn with life and broken with blood ! So he could only keep looking until he found it, and only after he had settled this matter could he go look for his reincarnated father and daddy. They must not recognize him.

What’s good about being a demon ? Shen Jue thought, this was not the first time he had this thought, but it was the first time he had such a clear thought.

Looking at his expression, Xu Mingshi couldn’t help but sigh in his heart. He was actually just a child.

No wonder Shen Qingxuan refused to die with Yi Mo, no wonder Shen Qingxuan would rather live with a snake. He saw his child very clearly, so he could not let go.

Yi Mo had taken such good care of him over the years that even Yi Mo forgot that the fledgling with mature wings should have left the nest and become independent, looking for new support and ties, but he always kept him by his side.

So in Shen Jue’s world, there are only three people, Yi Mo, Shen Qingxuan, and the emperor.

If they were not there and that person did not recognize him, it would be unknown what would happen to Shen Jue in the future.

Xu Mingshi hesitated and said, “You make a decision. You are their child, and you are qualified to make any decision."

Shen Jue hesitated for a long time, but still did not nod.

Just when the stalemate was about to begin, Liu Yan came back.

Seeing them from outside the door, Liu Yan was obviously delighted. He put down the small bamboo basket on his back and showed them the mushrooms that were almost full inside. “We picked so many. Let’s make a pot of fresh soup tonight."

Now that he was back, Xu Mingshi no longer questioned Shen Jue, but just shook his head secretly.

Liu Yan saw that they looked strange and asked, “What happened?"

“Something." Xu Mingshi walked around Shen Jue and said, “Let’s talk about it."

Cakes and tea were placed on the stone table. Shen Jue took the bamboo basket to the kitchen to wash the mushrooms, leaving the space for them.

Liu Yanxian sat down, his eyes clear and sharp, as if he knew something. But Xu Mingshi didn’t know where to start, and remained silent under his gaze, choosing his words carefully.

Since he hadn’t thought it through, Liu Yan spoke up and asked, “About Yi Mo?"

Xu Mingshi was stunned for a moment, then nodded.

“Even if you don’t tell me, I can still guess something." Liu Yan looked at him steadily and said, “You don’t have to do anything. It’s good as it is now."

“Very good?" Xu Mingshi finally spoke, “Actually, I know what you’re thinking. But have you ever thought about it? You can keep him this year, but what about next year? What about the year after? If he really has a favorite female snake and wants to go with it, what will you do?"

“No." Liu Yan said quickly.

“What makes you so sure?" Xu Mingshi smiled, and after a moment of silence, he said seriously, “He is now a snake. Even if he has feelings for you and knows that you treat him well, he may not want to pursue a life that suits him better. He will leave you, sooner or later."

After saying this, Xu Mingshi repeated it again with certainty, “You understand it in your heart."

“If the mountain doesn’t belong to me, then I am the mountain." Liu Yan still had that calm demeanor: “Wherever he goes, I will go with him. If he wants to stay with someone else forever, I will accompany him. If he really can’t stand it, I will kill the thing that makes him miss it, so what if he comes back to me?"

Liu Yan raised his eyelids and said slowly: “I will tie him up in the end, whether he is willing or not. It was like this three hundred years ago, and it will be like this three hundred years later."

Xu Mingshi said: “There is a better way now, isn’t it?"

“What price will you pay?" Liu Yan asked, not showing any surprise. He seemed to know everything. He always lived soberly and self-sustainingly , grasping any tiny movement, pondering the tiny traces , and then inferring the whole picture and making the most appropriate choice. It may not be the best, but it is the most suitable.

He asked, “What price are you going to pay? Xu Mingshi."

“I am old and I don’t have many days left to live." Xu Mingshi did not answer directly, but gave a tactful answer that was not a lie. “He is my friend, confidant, and brother. I should do this for love and justice."

“Then," Liu Yan said, “after you die, will you reincarnate and look for your little white rabbit?"

“Of course." Xu Mingshi carefully concealed the disappointment in his eyes. “I gave up cultivating immortality just to find her. If I’m lucky, we can be husband and wife for life… If I had been more careful at the beginning and sent her back to the inn before leaving, she wouldn’t have died without a complete body ."

“Let me think about it again." Liu Yan said, “You have to let me think about it."

Xu Mingshi sighed: “Then think about it again."

Liu Yan sat on a bamboo chair, saying he wanted to think about it, and he sat there until dark. Sure enough, no one came to disturb him. Only a snake, when he woke up, Liu Yan was gone, so he went to sleep again, and when he woke up, Liu Yan still hadn’t returned. He slept again, and then he felt that the quilt was not warm anymore, so he crawled out, swam over the threshold, and found Liu Yan sitting alone in the courtyard.

He climbed up Liu Yan’s ankle so naturally, as if the intimacy between a snake and a human was natural.

Liu stretched out his hand, and he wrapped himself around him and was held in his arms. He raised his head, licked the face of the person hugging him, then moved closer and rubbed against him. Then he found his accustomed position, curled up again and continued to be lazy.

It was getting dark, Shen Jue came over with food and said, “Dad, I haven’t eaten for a day."

Liu Yan nodded, looked through his side, looked at Xu Mingshi in the blue light, and asked in a deep voice: “Xu Mingshi, what else are you hiding from me?"

The two people in front of him were both stunned.

“I’ve thought about it carefully. With your personality, you should be happy to tell me this." Liu Yan stood up holding the black snake and slowly walked towards him: “You know, and I know, that you are old and may not live beyond this year. In these few days, you can still do one last thing. You will happily come to tell me that Yi Mo still has a way to return to human form."

“But you didn’t." Liu Yan said, “Why?"

“What are you hiding? That’s why you’re so hesitant to tell me, and you’re even worried that I might disagree?"

“What is it that makes you fearless even of death, but you keep it secret and dare not tell us?"

Liu Yan pressed the issue one by one, without revealing his true intentions, and each sentence went straight to the point, almost forcing Xu Mingshi to break out in a cold sweat.

Seeing this, Liu Yan stopped asking questions and said, “Let’s just forget about this matter."

He stopped asking because many things didn’t need to be clear too thoroughly. He just needed to make sure he wasn’t confused. Perhaps one day Yi Mo would really leave him and look for someone better to rely on, but before that day came, Liu Yan didn’t regret his decision at the moment. Life and death were insignificant matters. Xu Mingshi valued love and friendship. If he wanted to die for Yi Mo, he would be sad, but he wouldn’t stop him. Everyone has the way and freedom to express their love. But he couldn’t let his friends fall into a situation more terrifying than death.

His happiness can be built on death, but not on pain.

“Xu Mingshi," Liu Yan said, “there is nothing wrong with dying of old age. You live well and we will take care of you in your old age. When the day comes, we will wash and comb your hair and change your clothes so that you can go looking for your little rabbit cleanly and decently."

“She’s waiting for you." Liu Yan said softly, his voice gentle and his tone kind.

After a long while, Xu Mingshi said, “…what do you want me to say?"

What are you talking about? In life, all you want is to have someone who knows you better than you know yourself.

How fortunate you are that he is still your friend, your confidant, and your brother.

He understands you and cares about you. Even if you are old and useless, he still pity you.

Even though he himself is in prison, it does not prevent him from standing there like a tall ancient tree, unwaveringly , protecting you from wind and rain and doing his best to protect you.

This was Shen Qingxuan, a friend he made when he was young and frivolous, and he benefited from this for the rest of his life.

There are so many people in the world, coming and going, leaving and returning , but there is only one Shen Qingxuan.

The one and only, Shen Qingxuan.


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