許是很短，又或漫長的時光，季玖覺得自己不過是迷瞪了一下，再睜開眼，身後那人已經撤出身體，離開了。如不是周身遭血液浸透，他覺得這像是一場幻覺。
一場幻覺。沒有刺殺過，沒有心痛過，沒有血流成河過。
季玖軟綿著翻了個身，腦中一片空白，在這短短一瞬，萬事皆休。
其實又是何必？季玖默默地躺在血床上，看著漆黑屋頂。他不是傻子，是堪稱七竅玲瓏的人，怎麼會察覺不出那人每次抱著自己時的柔情萬種，那樣小心翼翼的姿勢、禁錮般的擁抱、每次開拓時的細緻溫存……便是新婚那夜，季玖也承認，對自己妻子，也不曾這般溫柔繾綣過。
可那又如何？
仿佛一場幻覺。就是再輕憐蜜愛，他也是季玖，也是不情願被他壓在身下的人。那些溫柔甜蜜，不過是一場笑話。
不過是滑天下之大稽！季玖想。而後閉上眼，難過的說不出話來。
他是聰明人。早已疑心這件事究竟是不是仇怨那麼簡單？肌膚相親是這世間最親密的行為，對方的身體、肌理、骨骼、呼出的氣息……無一不徹底袒露，那樣的含情脈脈，季玖是懂的。因為懂，反而不信。
如何信？信了又能怎麼樣？他除了知道他是妖，其餘的一概不知。他唯一知道的就是，他是季玖。二十多年來循著一個方向，走到除眼前這條路，再無路可走的季玖。他的身後有妻兒，他的肩上有責任，他是要彪炳史冊的季玖。這突兀出來的妖，是他的障礙，是他要跨過去的，要掃蕩除盡的障礙。
季玖摸了一把身下濕潤被褥，抬起手來，借著那盞並不明亮的油燈光線，觀看掌紋裡的紅，紅的深深淺淺，在光線裡明明滅滅，在他眼裡，仿佛猩紅大緞蒙上眼球，那些無處不在的豔紅，氾濫成災。
心口的位置又一陣陣微痛起來，身後被人泄怒的地方，也仿佛從麻痹中覺醒了似的，傳來陣陣痛感。
季玖翻身坐起，彎腰抓起被拋在地上的衣袍重新穿上，腳步漂浮著走出帳外。四處都痛，哪裡都痛，痛到腦仁之後，季玖想出去走走。
剛走出帳外，季玖慣性的看了眼身旁，卻微微一愣，本該值守在那邊的人卻不在崗上。
沈玨不在這裡。
季玖這時才想起剛剛被他撞破的事，心中一緊，不由自主的擔心他會宣揚開去，眼下人又不在，這擔心就越發濃重，季玖也顧不上身體不適，在營中穿梭著找尋。
正找著，遇到夜巡的兵卒，季玖抓了個人來問，那人指著營外空地，說看見他出營了。季玖當下便追了出去。
營外只有一條大路，原是草地，後被馬蹄腳步踏成黃土，季玖沿路尋了一圈，想了想，轉身走到右側小路，踩著露水濕潤的草地，與黑暗中前行。直到耳邊傳來流水的聲音，夜裡的河水在奔騰著，閃爍著星光映射，有著斑斕亮光。季玖停下，在草叢裡環顧四周，入目景致是熟悉的，這是那條他曾跳進去的河。
流水聲是靜的，同時也是歡騰的。在這樣寂靜又嘈雜的聲音裡，季玖聽見了喁喁低語。
循著聲音看去，在那粗大的柳樹旁，季玖看見了兩個人影，影影綽綽的面對面站著，似非常熟稔的模樣，正在交談。說些什麼聽不清，季玖卻知道那是最不該在一起的兩個人，一人是那剛剛被他刺了一刀的妖，一人卻是沈玨。
季玖感受到了一種背叛，幾乎讓人難以忍耐。
相識時間雖不長，沈玨他的感覺，卻是熟悉的，在偶爾眼風交匯的刹那，他會露出孩子般的神情，甚至在某些時候，季玖能感受到，這人是一直默默看著自己的，眼底依依不捨，宛若雀燕對巢的依戀。不知從何時開始，季玖也拿他當自己的孩子，言談中威嚴不改，卻多了幾分寵溺。
季玖默默蹲在草叢裡，葦草荊棘漫過他的頭頂，仿佛四面八方湧來的怪獸，要將他吞沒了。
也不知多久，季玖才從震驚和心頭的絞痛裡回過神來，頓時自嘲一聲：何必。
本來就是，何必。這樣想著，他的臉上又恢復了從容鎮定，月光透過那些層層交疊的枝葉落在他的臉上，無端生出三分冷酷來。
季玖悄無聲息的轉了身，準備撤離，也就是此時，他聽見不遠處那道熟悉的聲音氣急敗壞的喊了一聲：父親，你究竟要做什麼！
季玖的整個身體，就那麼滯住。
那熟悉聲音是有著年輕的特有的蓬勃的，此時卻蘊滿怒氣的吼著：您不知他的性子嗎？為什麼要這麼咄咄逼人！您究竟要做什麼呢？
季玖聽著那道聲音，在理解過這段話後，腦中懵了一下，怔怔回不過神來。
竟是父子嗎？話裡的那人，卻是自己嗎？
季玖思索片刻，又返回原地，甚至再往前推進三分，重新匿入陰影，連呼吸都放緩了下去，凝神細聽。
那端卻沒有了動靜。其實是有動靜的，他聽見另一道聲音，卻飄搖的很遠，仿佛是另一個世界的幻音，任他如何豎起耳朵，也無法將那些低語聽清楚。
伊墨是茫然的。
對著首次爆發怒氣的小寶，伊墨的神情卻有一絲茫然。
他攥著那把匕首，借著星月餘輝細細打量，上面的血跡未幹，散著縷縷腥甜。伊墨看了那匕首很久，才抬起眼望著眼前少年，這喚他父親的人，疑惑地問：“事已至此，為何我還不想放手？”
他問，問的是小寶，卻更像是問他自己。
沈玨怔了怔，不知想到什麼，臉上怒氣陡然頹了三分，眼底也黯淡下去，“父親……我以為，你來尋他，是捨不得的緣故。”
伊墨卻也微怔了一下，很快道：“是。”
“可是……”沈玨猶豫了一下，將自己猜想說出口，緩緩道：“是不是，也是為了逼自己放手的緣故？”
伊墨明顯的僵了一下，不曾說話。
沈玨一時無言，只覺得一股酸澀直沖眼底，連忙撇開臉去，看著那月色下流淌的河水，片刻才道：“父親是要成仙的，孩兒知道……孩兒懂了。”伊墨仍是沉默，像是無話可說。沈玨等了等，又道：“可是這樣對爹爹不公。他上一世癡纏你，一世求不得，卻也無怨無悔。他不讓你尋他，是不捨得你受今日之苦。可父親偏要尋，明知道會有今日也要尋……尋到了，卻又傷他，逼他用狠，父親也好借勢收手，從此清心修煉，成仙得道。”沈玨說著，嗓音終是沙啞起來，有了怨氣，恨恨道：“成仙就那般好？我若是沒有爹爹，沒有父親，一個人孤單單活在這世上，我才是不幹的！”
許是讓孩子的怒氣激了下，伊墨的神情也變了變，開口道：“可我活了近兩千年，只為成仙的。”他說的乾脆，語氣卻是有著迷茫的，仿佛懵懂稚童，兩千年的目標被小寶一句話否決後，自己也動搖了。
“可是今日之事，父親自己也說，明明都已經辦成這樣了，父親不還是不想放手嗎？”沈玨說：“父親舍不下他，就能成得了仙？！”
伊墨聽了，略低下頭，問他：“那又怎麼樣呢？”又怎麼樣呢？伊墨動了動那柄匕首，在月色下晃過一道銀白的光，冷冽的刺入眼簾，也刺入心底。
他來尋他，是因為想他，卻也知道，這樣的想念根除不掉，是無法再清修下去的。第一次見面，那人與妻子繾綣溫存，良辰美景刺痛了他，將人強了，也不悔。
那本來就是他的人。是他懷裡的人，是冬天會摟著他的人，是可以溫存的人。是他的。
待情緒過後，靜下來審視四周，也想到，既然已經錯了第一步，索性錯下去吧，相見成仇，那人恨他多一點，也無甚不好。本來第二世就不該有瓜葛，現在第一世的瓜葛卻扯不斷，那就快些解決這些吧。他恨著，起殺心，也可趁早讓自己斷了那份溫存念想。
那份眷戀斬斷後，橋歸橋路歸路，再無沈清軒與伊墨。
可是，可是那匕首刺在心上，卻是痛的。痛徹心扉。越是痛，越是不甘，越是證明這一切根本無用。他還是放不下他。
還是想將那人抱在懷裡，想將那人揉進骨血裡，想將自己埋入他的體內，被柔軟緊熱緊緊裹著根部，仿佛遊子回歸家園。
伊墨緊握著那把匕首，銳利鋒口嵌入掌心，深可入骨。沈玨注意到了，連忙施法，將那匕首奪了過來，又小心捧了那鮮血淋漓的手，想讓那道創口癒合。
眼前孩子低著眉眼，早已無了先前蓬發的怒氣，神情是溫順謙恭的，帶著關切。伊墨望著，最終抽回手來，像是答覆般道：“往後我不迫他就是。”
沈玨愣了愣，聽明白過後抿起唇，露出一道笑來，低聲道：“爹爹也活不了幾年，來世的事誰都管不了，不若就陪著他罷，將來如何，誰又知道呢？”
伊墨緘默片刻，看了眼那黑暗處的草叢，道：“你回營吧。”
沈玨應了聲，很快原路返回了，卻是從另一條小道，繞了回去。
季玖蹲在原地，一直也不曾再聽見他們說什麼，等了好一會，意興闌珊，就要走。卻被人攔在半路。
季玖說：“你……”
伊墨看了看他，披頭散髮，身上也不知沾了多少草葉，臉上還蹭了些泥土，著實狼狽，心裡歎了一聲，抬手將那些髒汙都抹了，在月下望著他警戒又起的眼，道：“濕氣太重，回去吧。”
季玖不答話，只看著他，好一會，才道：“那是你兒子？”
他這麼問，伊墨卻也沒有理他，那哪裡是他兒子，明明是眼前這人的兒子。那一生，他拖家帶口都賴在他頭上，甩也甩不脫。現下卻翻臉不認帳了。伊墨根本就懶得回答他這個問題，只道：“他哪裡像我？”明明更像你。
季玖端詳著他的眉眼，確實……並無相像之處，只是不信他的說辭，哼了一聲作罷。
話不投機半句多，季玖轉身就要走。卻被伊墨拉住了肩頭，季玖又瞪著眼轉回來，那人卻不知將什麼，從他頭上套下來。
季玖以為他又要做什麼，臉上一白，待發現他給自己脖子上戴了個東西，又愣一下，伸手要扯：“什麼東西！”
伊墨悠然的很，看著他扯來扯去，扯的頭上都出汗了，才出聲好意提醒：“扯不斷的。”
前世被他扯下來過，今生再想扯下來，純屬癡人說夢。
季玖停了手，低頭望著胸口紅珠，紅的發亮的珠子滴溜溜的好看，忍不住伸手撥弄了一下，問：“什麼？”
“有事用這個喚我。”伊墨說，又伸手，理了理那被扯得亂七八糟的襟口，道：“我送你回去。”
隨後根本不等季玖反應，一揮袖，將他連人帶珠子，一起趕回了軍營帳中，那仍然泛著血氣的床上。
季玖一轉眼就仰倒在榻上，被氣得半死，暗罵一句混帳，又爬起來，扯了床上被子枕頭，齊齊堆在地上，然後點了一把火，燒了個乾乾淨淨。
說來也怪，那帳中明火濃煙，硬是沒有飄出去一點，俱悉自行消散了。
————————————————
Maybe it was a very short time, or a long time, Ji Jiu felt that he was just dazed for a moment, and when he opened his eyes again, the person behind him had already left his body. If he hadn’t been soaked in blood, he would have thought it was an illusion.
An illusion. No assassinations, no heartaches, no rivers of blood.
Ji Jiu turned over softly , his mind went blank. In this brief moment, everything was over.
Why bother? Ji Jiu lay silently on the bloody bed, looking at the dark roof. He was not a fool, but a very perceptive person. How could he not notice the tenderness of that man every time he held him, the cautious posture, the imprisoned embrace, the delicate tenderness every time he opened up… Even on the wedding night, Ji Jiu admitted that he had never been so gentle and affectionate to his wife.
But so what?
It was like an illusion. No matter how gentle and loving he was, he was still Ji Jiu, and he was also someone who was unwilling to be pressed under him. All that tenderness and sweetness was just a joke.
It’s nothing but a joke! Ji Jiu thought. Then he closed his eyes, too sad to speak.
He was a smart man. He had long suspected whether this matter was just a grudge. Skin-to-skin contact was the most intimate behavior in the world. The other person’s body, texture, bones, breath… everything was completely exposed. Ji Jiu understood that kind of affection. Because he understood, he didn’t believe it.
How to believe it? What would happen if he believed it? He knew nothing except that he was a demon. The only thing he knew was that he was Ji Jiu. Ji Jiu had been following one direction for more than 20 years, and had no other way to go except the road in front of him. He had a wife and children behind him, and responsibilities on his shoulders. He was Ji Jiu who would go down in history. This demon that suddenly appeared was his obstacle, an obstacle that he had to overcome and eliminate.
Ji Jiu touched the wet bedding under him, raised his hand, and looked at the red in his palm lines in the light of the dim oil lamp. The red was deep and shallow , flickering in the light. In his eyes, it was as if a large scarlet satin was covering his eyeballs, and the ubiquitous bright red was flooding.
began to ache again , and the place behind me where someone’s anger was vented seemed to awaken from paralysis and began to feel pain.
Ji Jiu turned over and sat up, bent down to grab the robe thrown on the ground and put it on again, and walked out of the tent with floating steps . It hurt everywhere, and it hurt all over, and after the pain reached his brain, Ji Jiu wanted to go out for a walk.
As soon as he walked out of the tent, Ji Jiu glanced at his side out of habit, but was slightly stunned. The person who was supposed to be on duty there was not at his post.
Shen Jue is not here.
Ji Jiu then remembered what he had just discovered. His heart tightened and he couldn’t help but worry that he would spread the news. Now that the person was not there, the worry became even stronger. Ji Jiu didn’t care about his physical discomfort and shuttled around the camp to look for him.
As he was looking for him, he met a soldier on night patrol. Ji Jiu caught one of them and asked him about it. The man pointed to the open space outside the camp and said that he saw him leaving the camp. Ji Jiu immediately chased him out.
There was only one road outside the camp. It was originally a grassland, but later it was trampled into yellow soil by horse hooves. Ji Jiu walked along the road, thought for a while, turned to the right path, stepped on the dewy grass, and walked forward in the darkness. Until the sound of running water came to his ears. The river was rushing at night, shining with the reflection of stars, with colorful lights. Ji Jiu stopped and looked around in the grass. The scenery he saw was familiar. This was the river he had jumped into.
The sound of running water was quiet, yet also joyful. In this quiet and noisy sound, Ji Jiu heard a whisper.
Following the sound, Ji Jiu saw two figures standing face to face next to the thick willow tree. They seemed to be very familiar with each other and were talking. He couldn’t hear what they were talking about, but Ji Jiu knew that they were the two people who should not be together. One was the demon he had just stabbed, and the other was Shen Jue.
Ji Jiu felt a sense of betrayal that was almost unbearable.
Although they had known each other for a short time, Shen Jue was familiar to him. When their eyes met occasionally, he would show a childlike expression. Sometimes, Ji Jiu could even feel that this person had been looking at him silently, with a reluctant look in his eyes, just like the attachment of a bird to its nest . I don’t know when it started, but Ji Jiu also treated him as his own child. His majesty remained unchanged in his words and deeds, but he was more doting .
Ji Jiu squatted silently in the grass, reeds and thorns covering his head, as if monsters were coming from all directions, ready to swallow him up.
It was unknown how long it took Ji Jiu to recover from the shock and the pain in his heart. He immediately laughed at himself: Why bother?
It was originally like that, why bother? Thinking of this, his face regained its composure, and the moonlight fell on his face through the layers of overlapping branches and leaves, making him look a little cold for no reason.
Ji Jiu turned around quietly and prepared to evacuate. At this moment, he heard a familiar voice not far away shouting angrily: Father, what are you going to do!
Ji Jiu’s entire body just froze.
The familiar voice was full of youthful vigor, but now it was full of anger: Don’t you know his temper? Why are you so aggressive? What on earth are you going to do?
Ji Jiu listened to the voice, and after understanding what was said, he was stunned for a moment and couldn’t recover .
Are they actually father and son? Is the person in the words actually me?
Ji Jiu thought for a moment, then returned to his original position, and even moved forward three points, hiding back into the shadows. He even slowed down his breathing and listened carefully.
There was no movement on the other end. Actually, there was movement. He heard another voice, but it was far away, like an illusory sound from another world. No matter how hard he pricked up his ears, he couldn’t hear the whispers clearly.
Yi Mo was at a loss.
Facing Xiaobao’s first outburst of anger, Yi Mo looked a little confused.
He held the dagger tightly, and looked at it carefully in the afterglow of the stars and the moon. The blood on it was not yet dry, and it exuded a faint sweet smell. Yi Mo looked at the dagger for a long time before he raised his eyes to the young man in front of him, the man who called him father, and asked doubtfully: “Now that things have come to this, why don’t I want to let go?"
He asked, asking Xiaobao, but it seemed more like he was asking himself.
Shen Jue was stunned for a moment, not knowing what he was thinking about. The anger on his face suddenly faded by three points, and his eyes dimmed. “Father… I thought you came to look for him because you couldn’t bear to leave him."
Yi Mo was also slightly startled, and quickly said: “Yes."
“But…" Shen Jue hesitated for a moment, then spoke out his guess, and said slowly: “Is it also to force me to let go?"
Yi Mo was obviously frozen for a moment and didn’t say anything.
Shen Jue was speechless for a moment, only to feel a bitterness rushing to his eyes. He quickly turned his face away and looked at the river flowing under the moonlight. After a moment, he said: “Father wants to become an immortal. I know… I understand." Yi Mo was still silent, as if he had nothing to say. Shen Jue waited for a while, and then said: “But this is unfair to Daddy. He was obsessed with you in the last life, and he couldn’t get you in this life, but he had no regrets. He didn’t let you look for him because he didn’t want you to suffer today. But father insisted on looking for him, knowing that this day would come… When he found him, he hurt him and forced him to be cruel, so that father could take advantage of the situation to stop, and from now on he can practice with a pure heart and become an immortal." As Shen Jue spoke, his voice finally became hoarse, and he felt resentful, and said hatefully: “Is it so good to become an immortal? If I didn’t have a daddy, if I didn’t have a father, and I lived alone in this world, I wouldn’t do it!"
Perhaps stimulated by the child’s anger, Yi Mo’s expression changed and he said, “But I have lived for nearly two thousand years just to become an immortal." He said it straightforwardly, but his tone was confused, like an ignorant child. After his two thousand year goal was rejected by Xiaobao’s words, he also wavered.
“But as for what happened today, my father himself said that even though it has already come to this, doesn’t he still not want to let go?" Shen Jue said, “If my father can’t let go of him, can he become an immortal ?!"
After hearing this, Yi Mo lowered his head slightly and asked him, “So what?" So what? Yi Mo moved the dagger, and a silver light flashed under the moonlight, piercing into his eyes and his heart coldly.
He came to look for him because he missed him, but he also knew that if he couldn’t get rid of this longing, he couldn’t continue his practice. The first time they met, the man and his wife were affectionate and tender, and the beautiful scenery hurt him. He raped her, but he didn’t regret it.
That person was originally his. The person in his arms, the person who would hold him in the winter, the person who could be warm and cozy. He was his.
After the emotion subsided, he calmed down and looked around, and thought, since he had already made a mistake in the first step, he might as well continue to make mistakes. It wouldn’t be a bad thing if he became an enemy and the other person hated him more. They shouldn’t have had any connection in the second life , but now the connection in the first life couldn’t be severed, so he should resolve it quickly. He hated and wanted to kill, but he could also let himself cut off the warm thoughts as soon as possible.
After the attachment was severed, the bridge returned to its original state and the road returned to its original state, and there was no longer Shen Qingxuan and Yi Mo.
But, but the dagger pierced his heart, and it hurt. It was heart-wrenching. The more it hurt, the more unwilling he was, and the more it proved that all this was useless. He still couldn’t let him go.
I still want to hold that person in my arms, rub that person into my bones and blood, bury myself in his body, and be wrapped tightly to the roots by his softness, tightness and warmth , as if a wanderer is returning home.
Yi Mo held the dagger tightly, the sharp edge embedded in his palm, deep into the bone. Shen Jue noticed it, and quickly cast a spell to take the dagger away, and then carefully held the bloody hand, hoping to heal the wound.
The child in front of him lowered his eyebrows and eyes, and his previous anger had long gone. His expression was gentle and humble, with concern. Yi Mo looked at him, and finally withdrew his hand, as if to reply: “I won’t force him from now on."
Shen Jue was stunned for a moment, then he pursed his lips and smiled after he understood. He whispered, “Daddy won’t live for many more years. No one can control what happens in the afterlife. Why don’t you just stay with him? Who knows what the future will be like?"
Yi Mo was silent for a moment, glanced at the bushes in the dark, and said, “Go back to the camp."
Shen Jue responded and quickly returned the same way, but he went back through another path.
Ji Jiu squatted there, never hearing what they said, and after waiting for a long time, he was bored and was about to leave, but was stopped halfway.
Ji Jiu said: “You…"
Yi Mo looked at him. His hair was disheveled, and there was no telling how many leaves and grass were stuck on his body. There was also some dirt on his face. He looked really miserable. He sighed in his heart, raised his hand to wipe off the dirt, and looked at his alert eyes under the moonlight, saying, “It’s too humid. Let’s go back."
Ji Jiu didn’t answer, but just looked at him for a while before asking, “Is that your son?"
He asked, but Yi Mo ignored him. How could that be his son? It was obviously the son of the man in front of him. In his whole life, he had supported his whole family and relied on him, and he couldn’t get rid of it. But now he turned his face and refused to admit it. Yi Mo was too lazy to answer his question, and just said: “How is he like me?" He is obviously more like you.
Ji Jiu looked at his features and indeed… there was no resemblance between them. However, he did not believe what he said and snorted.
Ji Jiu turned around and was about to leave, but Yi Mo grabbed his shoulder. Ji Jiu turned back with his eyes wide open, but the man put something on his head.
Ji Jiu thought he was going to do something again, his face turned pale, and when he found that he had put something on his neck, he was stunned again and reached out to pull it off: “What is that!"
Yi Mo was very leisurely, watching him pulling and pulling until his head was sweating, and then he kindly reminded him: “You can’t tear it apart."
I had been pulled off by him in my previous life , so it is just wishful thinking to pull it off again in this life.
Ji Jiu stopped and looked down at the red beads on his chest. The red and shiny beads were so beautiful that he couldn’t help but stretched out his hand to fiddle with them and asked, “What?"
“Use this to call me if you need anything." Yi Mo said, and then stretched out his hand to straighten the messy collar, and said: “I’ll take you back."
Then, without waiting for Ji Jiu to react, he waved his sleeves and drove him and the beads back to the military tent, where the bed was still covered in blood.
In a blink of an eye, Ji Jiu fell backwards on the couch , furious. He cursed inwardly as a bastard, then got up, pulled the quilt and pillows from the bed, piled them on the floor, then lit a fire and burned everything clean.
Oddly enough, the flames and smoke in the tent didn’t float out at all, but dissipated on their own.
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