油燈旁，季玖伏在案上作畫。因天氣轉暖的緣故，一些小飛蟲也出現了，它們鑽過門窗的縫隙，也或者根本就是在屋內從未離開過，這一會兒它們都繞著油燈飛舞著，仿佛那火焰帶有某種神秘的感召，甚至讓它們無懼被燒灼的危險。
它們飛得很瘋狂。這是季玖抬起眼來看到那些繚亂而細小的影子時，浮在腦中的想法。
忍不住，季玖用筆桿撥動了一下火苗，焰火搖晃了一下，有數只飛蟲在瞬間殞命。其餘的先散了散，季玖收回筆桿時，它們又圍攏了過去。
飛蛾撲火。季玖看了許久。
伊墨走了過來，施了個小法術，原先昏暗的光線瞬間亮堂起來，宛如白晝。季玖看了他一眼，又低下頭繼續作畫，這一回畫的是山水，在明亮的光線下，他稍微挺直了一些腰，不用再趴在桌上。
伊墨站在一側靜靜望著，看著他的手，他的筆，漸漸有遠山近水浮與紙上，還有小小村落，炊煙嫋嫋。等季玖快要收筆，才問：“畫得是哪裡？”
“我娘的家鄉。”季玖說，補了最後一筆，才想起來問：“你的家鄉在哪裡？”
伊墨想了又想，很久才搖了搖頭：“不記得了。”
季玖微怔，很快道：“這種事都能忘得掉，怎麼就忘不掉沈清軒？”他脫口而出，並未多想，說完兩人俱是一愣。
“你想我忘掉？”伊墨問。
“忘了他，你該去做你自己的事。”季玖說。
“做什麼？”
“成仙才是你該做的。”
伊墨緘默了。
墨蹟未乾的畫卷，在他的緘默裡漸漸幹了，季玖將它卷起放到一旁，又重新鋪開一張白紙，提起筆，卻遲遲沒有落下，仿佛並不知道該畫什麼。
伊墨這才說話，道：“我記不太清得家鄉的樣子，我只記得每年桃花開的時節，它的模樣。”說著，他從筆架上取了一支筆來，季玖見狀讓到一旁。
伊墨微傾著身，低著頭，長髮流瀉下來，擋住了他的臉，也遮掉了所有的神情，握著筆在紙上認真作畫。
季玖的視線被他長髮擋住，看不清筆鋒走向，卻隱約覺得，這妖連畫工也是絕頂的。耐不住好奇，走到了對面去看。
白紙上先是出了黑，而後又點了紅，小小的紅點，個個圓潤且形態不一。他沒有畫一朵桃花。季玖卻分明看到了漫山遍野的桃花骨朵。
伊墨放下筆，說：“你過來。”
季玖走過去，被他拉到身前，伊墨從身後擁著他，道：“看。”說著，長袖一揮。那紙上紅點仿佛被風拂過，微微顫著，而後，徐徐綻開。
漫山遍野，十裡桃花，燦若雲霞地綻放了。
季玖從未見此奇景，低低的“啊”了一聲，一個字都說不出來。太美，美到極致，便無話可說。
桃花依舊開著，一朵朵競相開放，開到極致，便落下了花瓣。落英繽紛，美不勝收。
伊墨在他耳畔低聲問：“美嗎？”
季玖一眨不眨的盯著畫卷，點了點頭。
“可是，”伊墨摟緊了他的腰，輕聲道：“我只想在你身上畫滿桃花。”伊墨說，放在季玖腰上的手，伴隨著他極低的音量，緩緩的摩挲，並漸漸下移，移過塌下的腰線，撫上弧形隆起的臀，隔著長袍與底褲，他的手指緩緩摩挲著，低低道：“然後從這裡進入你的身體，就像回到故鄉。”
伊墨的聲音是低沉的，卻又平緩，並無生動，他並沒有意識到自己在說什麼，而是這樣想的，就如實地說了。季玖的身體在他撫摸的一瞬間呈現出本能的僵硬，耳根卻隨著那句話落音，驟然紅透。
伊墨不知，這是季玖這一生聽過的，最淫邪，也是最美的情話。
——你是我的家鄉。
季玖回神，很快推開了他，臉上紅著，眼底卻有一種異樣的明亮。只有他自己知道，他的心臟是以怎樣一種急速的頻率在跳著，像是要跳出嗓子一樣，壓也壓不住。
可是等他走到窗前，推開木窗後，那擂鼓般劇烈的心跳就慢慢平復了。
季玖道：“那個讓你仿佛回到家鄉的人已經不在了。你就打算用這樣的戀鄉之情一直找下去嗎？”略頓，又道：“找到了，也不過數十年，轉眼還是會分離——他來世若是轉成撲火的飛蟲，朝生暮死。你又去哪裡找？”
季玖說：“放過你自己吧。”
伊墨愣了愣，才道：“我以為今天的事，你會讓我放過你。”
季玖轉過臉，靜靜望著他，道：“你困不住我，困住我的只能是我自己。”
卻不知，這句話與一百多年前，在論到妖之生死時，與伊墨那句“殺死妖怪的只能是他自己”有異曲同工之妙。
季玖沒有記憶，伊墨卻記得。
伊墨說：“因為對我有愧疚？這愧疚困住了你，是嗎？”
季玖想了想，卻出人意料地搖了搖頭。
季玖說：“我不欠你什麼。無需愧疚。”
“嗯？”
“你與沈清軒好是你的事。你尋了一百多年，尋他轉世，也是你的事。不成仙，沉迷人間，是你自己的選擇。這其中，沒有季玖的教唆，甚至沒有季玖。所以我並不欠你什麼，自然毋須愧疚。”看他一眼，季玖知道白天的話都被他窺聽了去，雖然非禮勿聽，但這種標準似乎與妖行不通，也就作罷，只道：“我是不想與夫人糾纏在這件事裡。”又道：“與其說是愧疚，不如說是難過。”
只是這話，說給夫人聽，她聽不懂，必會反復糾纏，不若簡單些解決。就是真有愧疚，那份愧疚也不是對伊墨，而是夫人。因為伊墨的突然出現，讓他犯了心病，從此連正常的男歡女愛都不能再給她，不愧疚是不可能的。只是這些話，季玖誰也不能說，這一輩子，只能藏在心底。
伊墨問：“難過什麼？”
季玖卻道：“說不好。我雖知道不欠你什麼，卻覺得難過的很。對你好，我覺得是該，對你惡，我也覺得該。但‘好’是有底線的，‘惡’卻無限，你還是趁早絕了念想修仙去罷，我也陪不了你幾年，就算再有一個輪回，季玖死，沈清軒也不會生，你找到也是一個陌生人，一樣有底線的待你。”
伊墨還要說什麼，季玖卻掩上窗戶走去床邊鋪被，不想再繼續談下去了。
這個夜晚，是註定要發生點什麼的。多年明槍暗箭的生活，讓季玖養成了一種能察覺出危險潛伏的本能。所以說那麼多話，不過是想緩和這種危險。
他並不能清楚得知具體的危險，但也許能僥倖避免。
如能避開，這樣的日子或許還能持續下去，持續著，讓這妖持留在自己身邊，給予有底線的好。儘量，不去傷他。
但這晚，季玖從睡夢裡醒來，察覺到身後人的動作時，就知道，這樣的日子，結束了。
季玖喊：“伊墨。”
他的聲音沒有太激烈，力持鎮定，甚至有一絲請求，更多的是隱忍。被強迫的記憶儘管他想忘卻，卻已經深深刻在身體裡，被潛意識自發記住了。他做不到與他歡好，被抱住的時候尚能忍耐，當裡衣被解開，長褲被褪去時，埋葬在黑暗角落裡的屈辱與羞恥的記憶又一次蘇醒，並破土而出。季玖死命掙扎，同時儘量遏制著自己不要失控，試圖與他商談，道：“放開我。”
伊墨卻將他牢牢禁錮住，與此同時低聲道：“你喜歡，為什麼不？”
季玖又一次被他提醒，即使被同性用強時，他也是有感覺的。那力圖保持的一絲理智，就這麼化為雲煙，忽而不見。
伊墨知道他不情願，卻不打算就此甘休。這麼久的時間，只要他稍微親昵一些，這人就會僵硬，連身體都會變冷。他的抗拒從來沒有隨著時間的推移而有一點消退的跡象。伊墨不知道為什麼會這樣。
即使能隱隱猜出一點，也是不願意深想，不願意承認的。
伊墨將瘋狂掙扎的季玖翻過去，而後緊緊壓在身下，讓他再也不能動彈，更無法逃脫。他抱緊了季玖，腦中浮現的卻是在他身下紅著臉，卻從不抗拒的沈清軒。
哪怕繁忙一天，疲憊到無法睜開眼，也儘量打開身體包容他的沈清軒。
在股間磨蹭的硬物讓季玖噤了聲，最後掙扎了一次仍是徒勞，他就知道身上人沒有放過他的打算。季玖幾乎都能感覺到從自己毛孔裡外溢的寒氣，散著輕若雲霞的白霧，將他從內到外徹底凍僵。
季玖腦袋以一種無力的姿勢歪在枕上，最後喃喃了一句：“別逼我。”便閉上了眼。
伊墨怔了怔，垂下眼簾，吻咬著他的頸項，仿佛安慰般道：“別怕。”
季玖沒有回應他。
最後伊墨放棄了，不強迫他，又忍不住要貼緊過去，仿若當年沈清軒囚困般的擁抱，恨不得擁的緊些，再緊些，骨血都能融為一體，才能緩和那些不甘與委屈。伊墨也終於體味到此種滋味，心裡想起死去的沈清軒，不明白當年自己為何不曾還給他那樣一個擁抱。而今他只能囚緊季玖，緩緩磨蹭著，肌膚貼著肌膚，紋理烙著紋理，猶覺不足，總是不足。
季玖死一樣趴著，體味不出一丁點情深如許，因這磨蹭與禁錮，愈發覺得猥瑣難忍。
結束後伊墨覆在他身上，頭埋在季玖的頸窩裡，用嘴唇在那片肌膚上製造著痕印，一個又一個，連綴不絕，深深淺淺。但是這樣的吻痕，很快就會褪去的。就像歡好，無論過程多麼纏綿或激烈，最後隨著一切都會戛然而止，如水流滑過身體，不會留下任何痕跡。
熱起的溫度會消退，留下的吻痕會消弭，陪伴的人會死去。
伊墨不知道自己還能留得住什麼。
就在這時，一直默不吭聲的季玖終於在他的一個疏忽間翻身而起，將背上趴著的男人掀翻在一側。
這個夜裡季玖的眼睛像一隻悲憤欲絕的獸，蘊著一種驚心動魄的絕望。
所以當他的巴掌抽過來時，伊墨盯著那樣的眼睛，竟忘了躲。
季玖的手是殺過人的。挽起長弓，可百步穿楊。
他用殺人的力道，抽了伊墨一巴掌。
伊墨的頭偏向一邊，等他再轉過臉來，他看到季玖灰暗的眸子，聽到季玖說：
“你讓我噁心了。”
————————————————
Next to the oil lamp, Ji Jiu was painting at the desk. As the weather warmed up, some small flying insects appeared. They flew through the cracks in the doors and windows, or simply never left the house. At this moment, they were all flying around the oil lamp, as if the flame had some mysterious appeal, even making them not afraid of the danger of being burned.
They were flying like crazy. This was the thought that came to Ji Jiu’s mind when he raised his eyes and saw those confusing and tiny shadows.
Unable to resist, Ji Jiu used his pen to stir the flame, causing the flame to sway, and several flying insects died instantly. The rest scattered first, but when Ji Jiu retracted his pen, they gathered around again.
Like a moth to a flame. Ji Jiu watched for a long time.
Yi Mo came over and cast a small spell, and the originally dim light instantly became brighter, just like daylight. Ji Jiu glanced at him, then lowered his head to continue painting, this time painting a landscape. Under the bright light, he straightened his back a little, no longer having to lie on the table.
Yi Mo stood at one side and watched quietly, watching his hands and his brush, and gradually distant mountains and nearby waters appeared on the paper, as well as a small village and smoke rising from cooking fires. When Ji Jiu was about to put down his brush, he asked, “Where are you drawing?"
“My mother’s hometown." Ji Jiu said, adding the last word, and then remembered to ask: “Where is your hometown?"
Yi Mo thought about it again and again, and shook his head after a long time: “I don’t remember."
Ji Jiu was slightly stunned, and quickly said: “If you can forget something like this, why can’t you forget Shen Qingxuan?" He blurted out without thinking much, and both of them were stunned after he finished speaking.
“Do you want me to forget?" Yi Mo asked.
“Forget him, you should do your own thing." Ji Jiu said.
“do what?"
“Becoming an immortal is what you should do."
Yi Mo remained silent.
The scroll with ink not yet dried gradually dried up in his silence . Ji Jiu rolled it up and put it aside, then spread out another piece of white paper and picked up the pen, but did not put it down for a long time, as if he did not know what to draw.
Yi Mo then spoke, “I can’t remember clearly what my hometown looks like. I only remember what it looked like every year when the peach blossoms bloom." As he spoke, he took a pen from the pen holder. Seeing this, Ji Jiu stepped aside.
Yi Mo leaned forward , lowered his head, his long hair flowing down, covering his face and all his expressions. He held a pen and painted seriously on the paper.
Ji Jiu’s sight was blocked by his long hair, and he couldn’t see the direction of the brush strokes, but he vaguely felt that this demon was also a top-notch painter . Unable to resist his curiosity, he walked to the other side to take a look.
first appeared on the white paper , and then red dots appeared. The small red dots were round and varied in shape. He did not draw a single peach blossom. But Ji Jiu could clearly see peach blossom buds all over the mountains.
Yi Mo put down his pen and said, “Come here."
Ji Jiu walked over and was pulled in front of him. Yi Mo hugged him from behind and said, “Look." As he spoke, he waved his long sleeves. The red dot on the paper seemed to be blown by the wind, trembling slightly, and then slowly bloomed.
All over the mountains and fields, peach blossoms are blooming as brilliantly as clouds.
Ji Jiu had never seen such a wonderful sight before, and he uttered a low “Ah" but couldn’t say a word. It was too beautiful, so beautiful that he had nothing to say.
The peach blossoms are still in bloom, one after another , and when they are in full bloom, they drop their petals. The falling petals are colorful and beautiful.
Yi Mo whispered in his ear: “Is it beautiful?"
Ji Jiu stared at the scroll without blinking and nodded.
“But," Yi Mo hugged his waist tightly and whispered, “I just want to paint peach blossoms all over your body." Yi Mo said, his hand on Ji Jiu’s waist, accompanied by his extremely low voice, slowly stroking, and gradually moving down, moving over the collapsed waistline, touching the curved bulge of the buttocks, through the robe and underwear, his fingers slowly stroking, and whispered, “Then enter your body from here, just like returning to my hometown."
Yi Mo’s voice was low, but smooth, and not lively. He was not aware of what he was saying, but just thought so and said it truthfully. Ji Jiu’s body instinctively stiffened the moment he touched her, but her ears suddenly turned red as the words fell.
Yi Mo didn’t know that this was the most obscene and beautiful love words Ji Jiu had ever heard in his life.
——You are my hometown.
Ji Jiu came back to his senses and quickly pushed him away. His face was red, but his eyes were strangely bright. Only he knew how fast his heart was beating, as if it was about to jump out of his throat, and he couldn’t suppress it.
But when he walked to the window and pushed open the wooden window, his heartbeat, which had been beating like a drum, slowly subsided.
Ji Jiu said, “The person who made you feel like you’re back home is no longer here. Are you going to keep looking for him with this homesickness?" He paused, then continued, “Even if you find him, it will only be a few decades, and you will be separated in the blink of an eye. If he turns into a flying insect that flies into fire in the next life, living in the morning and dying in the evening , where will you go to find him?"
Ji Jiu said, “Let yourself go."
Yi Mo was stunned for a moment before he said, “I thought you would let me let you go after what happened today."
Ji Jiu turned around, looked at him quietly, and said: “You can’t trap me. The only one who can trap me is myself."
Little did they know that this sentence was similar to what Yi Mo said more than a hundred years ago when discussing the life and death of monsters: “The only one who can kill the monster is himself."
Ji Jiu has no memory, but Yi Mo remembers.
Yi Mo said: “Because you feel guilty about me? This guilt is trapping you, right?"
Ji Jiu thought about it, but unexpectedly shook his head.
Ji Jiu said: “I don’t owe you anything. No need to feel guilty."
“Um?"
“It’s your business whether you and Shen Qingxuan are together. You have been looking for him for more than a hundred years, and it is also your business to find his reincarnation. It is your own choice not to become an immortal and to indulge in the human world. There was no instigation from Ji Jiu, not even Ji Jiu. So I don’t owe you anything, and naturally there is no need to feel guilty." Looking at him, Ji Jiu knew that he had eavesdropped on what he said during the day. Although it is inappropriate not to listen, this standard does not seem to apply to demons, so he gave up and said, “I don’t want to be entangled with my wife in this matter." He added, “Rather than guilt, it’s more sadness."
But if I tell this to my wife, she won’t understand and will keep pestering me. It’s better to solve it simply. Even if I really feel guilty, I don’t feel guilty towards Yi Mo, but towards my wife. Because of Yi Mo’s sudden appearance, he was heartbroken. From then on, he couldn’t even give her normal love. It was impossible for him not to feel guilty. But Ji Jiu couldn’t tell anyone these words. He could only keep them in his heart for the rest of his life.
Yi Mo asked: “What are you sad about?"
Ji Jiu said, “It’s hard to say. Although I know I don’t owe you anything, I still feel very sad. I think it’s right to be good to you, and I also think it’s right to be mean to you . But ‘good’ has a bottom line, and ‘evil’ is infinite. You’d better give up the thought of cultivating immortals as soon as possible. I can’t accompany you for a few more years. Even if there is another reincarnation, Ji Jiu will die, and Shen Qingxuan will not be born. You will be a stranger when you find him, and I will treat you with the same bottom line."
Yi Mo wanted to say something, but Ji Jiu closed the window and went to the bed to make the quilt, not wanting to continue the conversation.
Something was bound to happen this night. After years of being surrounded by enemies, Ji Jiu had developed an instinct to detect hidden dangers. So he said so many things just to ease the danger.
He could not clearly understand the specific danger, but perhaps he could avoid it by chance.
If I can avoid it, maybe this kind of life can continue, continue, let this demon stay by my side, give him some good things with a bottom line, try not to hurt him.
But that night, when Ji Jiu woke up from his sleep and noticed the movements of people behind him, he knew that such days were over.
Ji Jiu shouted: “Yi Mo."
His voice was not too intense, he tried to remain calm, there was even a hint of request, but more of it was forbearance. Although he wanted to forget the memory of being forced, it was already deeply engraved in his body and remembered by his subconscious mind. He couldn’t make love with him, and he could still endure it when he was hugged. When his underwear was undone and his trousers were taken off, the memory of humiliation and shame buried in the dark corners awakened again and broke out of the ground. Ji Jiu struggled desperately, while trying his best to restrain himself from losing control, trying to negotiate with him, saying: “Let me go."
Yi Mo held him tightly, and whispered, “You like it, why not?"
Ji Jiu was reminded once again that he still felt something even when he was raped by someone of the same sex. The trace of rationality that he had tried to maintain just vanished into thin air.
Yi Mo knew that he was reluctant, but he didn’t intend to give up. For so long, as long as he was a little intimate, this man would become stiff and even his body would become cold. His resistance never showed any signs of fading as time went by . Yi Mo didn’t know why this happened.
Even if I can vaguely guess something, I am unwilling to think about it deeply or admit it.
Yi Mo turned the frantically struggling Ji Jiu over, and then pressed him tightly under him, making him unable to move, let alone escape. He hugged Ji Jiu tightly, but the image that emerged in his mind was Shen Qingxuan, who was blushing under him but never resisted.
Even if it was a busy day and he was too tired to open his eyes, he would try his best to open his body to embrace Shen Qingxuan.
The hard object rubbing against his buttocks silenced Ji Jiu , and his final struggle was in vain. He knew that the person on top of him had no intention of letting him go. Ji Jiu could almost feel the cold air oozing out of his pores, emitting a white mist as light as clouds, freezing him completely from the inside out .
Ji Jiu’s head tilted on the pillow in a weak posture, and finally murmured, “Don’t force me," and closed his eyes.
Yi Mo was startled for a moment, lowered his eyes, kissed and bit his neck, and said as if to comfort him: “Don’t be afraid."
Ji Jiu did not respond to him.
Finally, Yi Mo gave up and didn’t force him, but he couldn’t help but get close to him, just like Shen Qingxuan’s imprisoning embrace back then, wishing he could hold him tighter, tighter, so that his bones and blood could blend into one, and only then could he ease his unwillingness and grievances. Yi Mo finally experienced this feeling, thinking of the dead Shen Qingxuan, and didn’t understand why he hadn’t given him a hug like that back then. Now he could only hold Ji Jiu tight , rubbing slowly, skin against skin, texture against texture, but still felt it was not enough, always not enough.
Ji Jiu lay there like a dead man, unable to appreciate the deep love at all. Because of this procrastination and confinement, he felt even more disgusting and unbearable.
After the end, Yi Mo covered him, buried his head in the crook of Ji Jiu’s neck, and used his lips to leave marks on that skin, one after another, continuous, deep and shallow. But such kiss marks will fade away soon. Just like lovemaking, no matter how lingering or intense the process is, everything will come to an abrupt end in the end, like water flowing over the body, leaving no trace.
The heat will subside, the kiss marks left will disappear, and the people who accompanied you will die.
Yi Mo didn’t know what he could still keep.
At this moment, Ji Jiu, who had been silent all the time, finally turned over when he was not paying attention and flipped the man lying on his back to the side.
That night, Ji Jiu’s eyes were like a grief-stricken beast, filled with a thrilling despair.
So when his slap came towards him , Yi Mo stared at those eyes and forgot to dodge.
Ji Jiu’s hands have killed people. He can shoot an arrow through a target from a hundred steps away.
He slapped Yi Mo with a force that could kill him.
Yi Mo’s head tilted to one side. When he turned around again, he saw Ji Jiu’s gray eyes and heard Ji Jiu say:
“You make me sick."
痕書站 