這個晚上，沈玨躺在床上已經睡著，是被一道巴掌聲驚醒的。
這麼多年，沈玨第一次憎惡起自己敏銳的聽力，他聽見了那道巴掌，脆生生的穿過牆壁，穿過院落，穿過木板，傳進了他的耳朵。
然後是季玖那句：你讓我噁心了。
沈玨無法形容自己心情。更無法想像伊墨聽到這句，是怎樣的心情。
這就是妖。一旦涉足情愛，就失去了高高在上的資格，在紅塵裡輾轉，尋找自己的愛人，結果往往是淒慘的。人的一生不過數十年，妖卻要活那麼久，久到不知道該怎麼辦才好，沈玨不想當妖了。
如果能尋一個相守相愛的人，就恬靜過完一生，而後陪他一起死去。下輩子的事，不再操心。也不再去尋。
一切就像季玖曾說過的，人死了，就是死了。再也無法挽回。就算去找，找到的也是假像。
鏡花水月一般，觸手成空。
沈玨知道，那種空蕩蕩的滋味並不好受。
不斷的有聲音從隔壁傳過來，不斷的爭執，不斷的廝打，沈玨捂住耳朵，將自己埋進深深的被子裡。仿佛這樣，就能阻止心中夢想的斷裂——溫柔的爹爹，寡語卻深情的父親，美好的一家人。
最後，一切聲音都消失了。
沈玨坐起身，知道伊墨走了。也知道，這一回，伊墨是真正傷心了。
這麼久，這麼長時間，以為還能尋回的那人，那樣的輕憐蜜愛，最後，一切希翼都被摧毀在一句“噁心”裡。
沈玨覺得自己的心臟，也跟著絞痛起來。
第二日清晨，季玖收拾好自己，打開屋門。房門剛被打開，本該灑進來的光線卻被一道身影遮擋了，那微藍的明光，便傳不進來，落不到他身上，印不進他的眼裡。他依然站在黑暗中。
門外站著的是沈玨。
季玖回身取了長劍，繞開他走到院中站了片刻，似乎是要練劍，最後卻坐在那架竹椅上，閉上了眼。
沈玨在門口站了片刻，終是忍不住，大步走了過去，站在季玖身前，高大的身影又一次將季玖罩進黑暗裡，不容逃脫。
季玖說：“讓開。”
沈玨一動不動。
他的堅持，令季玖連觀看清晨的第一道陽光，都變成了奢侈。
沈玨說：“你怎麼能那麼對他？！”
季玖垂下眼，淡淡道：“你在指責我嗎？”
沈玨道：“你也太狠毒！為什麼不能替他想一想，為什麼要這麼對他？找你這麼多年，就該得到這樣的結果嗎？！”
他的指責是激烈的，憤懣的，甚至失去理智的。
季玖卻一直耐心聽著，甚至接下來更過分的言辭，季玖也沒有辯駁。他就靜靜坐在竹椅上，以罕見的耐心聽著另一個人，指責自己對妖怪的冷血薄情。
他的冷漠讓沈玨更感傷心，甚至悲憤。
沈玨指著他，氣極怒道：“你這種人，根本不配做我爹！”
話剛落地，一直沉默的季玖有了動作，他猛地掀翻了面前的石桌，拔出劍來，刺向了沈玨。
沈玨登時躲開，剛剛躲掉，迎面又刺來第二劍，伴隨著呼嘯的尾音，是極大的殺氣。
沈玨躲了三劍，第四劍刺向心窩時，沈玨也拔出佩劍來，迎面相向。
刀戈聲驟起，響起在小小的庭院裡，角落裡的木桶被劈成兩半，前夜挑滿水的水缸裂了豁口，嘩嘩的往外傾瀉水流。
他們曾經都以為會彼此善待，從未想過有一天會站在對立的位置，用兵器刺向對方的心窩。
但是這一天這麼快就來臨了，並且他們接受的很快，沒有遲疑。
住了數月的庭院，成了廢墟，連門窗都有了劍痕，爛成碎木，滿目瘡痍。
他們彼此的劍鋒，抵住了對方的咽喉。直到這時，打鬥才停歇下來。
天色已經大亮了，季玖舉著劍，認真而仔細的端詳一劍距離的那張年青且生氣蓬勃的臉。那張臉上充斥著憤怒與殺機。
季玖忽而笑了，挽起唇角，一道諷刺的弧度，淡淡道：“若我是沈清軒，你會用劍對著我嗎？”
沈玨一直沉穩有力握著劍柄的手，就在這句話裡顫了一下。鋒利的劍刃，在季玖咽喉處留下了一道細小的口，沒多久，便流出一絲紅色的血來。
那道血絲不可謂不觸目驚心，沈玨猛地拋開長劍，喊了一聲：“爹。”
季玖始終保持的平靜，就在這一聲呼喚中化成齏粉。他一把抓住沈玨衣襟，將他抵到了牆上，長劍架在了他的脖子上，憤怒的問：“我是誰？！”
沈玨不答，季玖的劍鋒便壓緊一分，同樣的血痕，出現在沈玨的咽喉上。沈玨道：“是季玖。”
季玖冷笑一聲，繼續問：“你爹是誰？”
沈玨遲疑了一下，脖子上的壓力又加重一分，沈玨道：“是沈清軒。”
——是沈清軒。
季玖握著劍柄，朝他刺去。沈玨心中一凜，卻閉上了眼。
長劍刺入他臉側的黃土牆裡，季玖的眼睛是紅色的，一句一句道：“你們說尋了我一百多年，要依戀，要依賴，季玖認了這筆賬，給你們所有能給的。”
“我狠毒？”季玖笑了一聲，聲音倏然冷寂下來：“你盡可以試試當著你妻子的面被侮辱你是什麼樣的感受。”
“你會知道什麼是生不如死。而我卻必須壓抑住所有的噁心，告訴自己這是找了我一百多年的情人，他再不好我也不能殺他，否則季玖就是畜生！”
“季玖待你們還不夠好嗎？”
他說，幾乎是喊，有一種歇斯底里的瘋狂。
“因為你們的依戀，季玖將多年付出的妻子舍到一邊。因為你們這一百多年的辛苦，季玖就必須接受前世所遺留的養子和情人，與你們日夜相對，還要好生相待。”
“你們對著季玖予取予求，卻不斷要求沈清軒重生！”
“季玖對你們來說，不過是一副沈清軒的皮囊，任你們為所欲為，還要始終懷有感恩，感謝你們一百多年的苦苦尋覓是不是？！”
“憑什麼？”季玖說：“憑什麼我要對你們好？明知道你們想要的那個人是沈清軒，我卻還要替他照顧你們？”
“你來告訴我，憑什麼？”
季玖說，紅著眼眶，面色肅殺。
“你遇到兩個乞丐，給一個一兩，給另一個二兩銀子，拿了一兩的那個不但不會感激你，反而會轉過身罵你吝嗇。這是人心。”
“牆壁倒了不去扶，反而罵鄰居不幫忙。這是人心。
“生了兒子宴請四鄰，鄰居家生不出兒子的人吃著你家的飯，一邊咒著你家兒子早死，這才是人心！”
“你們父子，無出其類！”
沈玨在長久的愣怔中回了神，一時無話可辯，只哀哀喚了一聲：“爹。”
季玖盯著他，目光冰冷而鋒利，在沈玨臉上若刀一般，切割開他的血肉，直逼靈魂，“你喚得是誰？沈清軒還是季玖？”
沈玨沉默了。
“回答我，沈清軒還是季玖。”神情冷酷的季玖，威懾迫人，如壓在他面前的冷峻山巒，壓的他喘不過氣來，沈玨望著他，許久，才緩緩道：“是沈清軒。”
話說出口，沈玨閉上眼，低聲道：“對不起。”
季玖放開了他。
扔了劍鞘緩緩走回竹椅坐下，重新闔上眼，季玖說：“走吧。”
沈玨彎身，拾起自己的佩劍，回房收拾了包袱，重新在他面前站了站，最後一句話都無有，靜悄悄地走了。
季玖一動不動的坐在椅上，隨著頭頂陽光斜移，仿佛化作了一塑石像。
他知道他們會走，就像他們突兀出現一樣，將他生活撕扯成碎布，再悄然退場。
可他們是妖，無上法力，本領高超，他自己不過是個渺小凡人，只能任其擺佈。
不然，還能如何？
在他們心裡，季玖這個活生生的人，都是不存在的。
連這樣，季玖也不能有怨言，否則便是冷血無情。而季玖，也累到不想再有埋怨。
就這樣吧。
————————————————
That night, Shen Jue was asleep in bed and was awakened by a slap.
For the first time in so many years, Shen Jue hated his sharp hearing. He heard the slap, which sounded crisply through the wall, through the courtyard, through the wooden board, and into his ears.
Then came Ji Jiu’s words: You make me sick.
Shen Jue couldn’t describe his own feelings. He couldn’t even imagine how Yi Mo felt when he heard this.
This is a demon. Once involved in love, they lose their high and mighty qualifications, wandering in the world of mortals, looking for their lover, the result is often miserable. A person’s life is only a few decades, but a demon has to live that long, so long that they don’t know what to do. Shen Jue doesn’t want to be a demon anymore.
If I could find someone to love and be with, I would live my life in peace and quiet, and then die with him. I would no longer worry about the next life, and I would no longer look for him.
Everything is just like what Ji Jiu said, when a person dies, he is dead. There is no way to save him. Even if you look for him, what you find is just an illusion.
Like flowers in the mirror and moon in the water, they become nothing when touched.
Shen Jue knew that the feeling of emptiness was not pleasant.
There were constant noises coming from next door, constant arguments, constant fights, Shen Jue covered his ears and buried himself deep in the quilt. As if this could prevent the dream in his heart from being broken – a gentle daddy, a silent but affectionate father, a beautiful family.
Finally, all sound disappeared.
Shen Jue sat up, knowing that Yi Mo was gone. He also knew that this time, Yi Mo was truly sad.
For so long, for such a long time, I thought I could still find that person, who loved me so tenderly and lovingly, but in the end, all my hopes were destroyed by the word “disgusting".
Shen Jue felt his heart begin to ache as well.
The next morning, Ji Jiu packed up and opened the door. As soon as the door was opened, the light that should have come in was blocked by a figure. The blue light could not come in, could not fall on him, and could not enter his eyes. He still stood in the darkness.
Standing outside the door was Shen Jue.
Ji Jiu turned around, took the sword, walked around him and stood in the yard for a while, as if he was going to practice sword skills, but finally he sat on the bamboo chair and closed his eyes.
Shen Jue stood at the door for a moment, but finally couldn’t help it. He strode over and stood in front of Ji Jiu. His tall figure once again enveloped Ji Jiu in darkness, leaving him no chance of escape.
Ji Jiu said, “Get out of the way."
Shen Jue didn’t move.
His persistence made it a luxury for Ji Jiu to even watch the first rays of sunlight in the morning.
Shen Jue said: “How could you treat him like that?!"
Ji Jiu lowered his eyes and said calmly: “Are you blaming me?"
Shen Jue said: “You are too cruel! Why can’t you think about him? Why do you treat him like this? After looking for you for so many years, is this the result you deserve?!"
His accusations were fierce, angry, and even irrational.
Ji Jiu listened patiently, and even when the following words were even more outrageous, Ji Jiu did not refute them. He just sat quietly on the bamboo chair, listening to another person accusing him of being cold-blooded and heartless to monsters with rare patience.
His indifference made Shen Jue even more sad and even angry.
Shen Jue pointed at him and angrily said, “People like you are not worthy of being my father!"
As soon as he finished speaking, Ji Jiu, who had been silent all this time, took action. He suddenly overturned the stone table in front of him, drew his sword, and stabbed at Shen Jue.
Shen Jue dodged immediately, but just as he dodged, a second sword came towards him, accompanied by a whistling sound, which was full of murderous intent.
Shen Jue dodged three swords. When the fourth sword was about to pierce his heart, Shen Jue also drew his sword and faced the enemy head-on.
The sound of swords and spears suddenly rang out in the small courtyard. The wooden barrel in the corner was split in half, and the water vat that was filled with water the night before cracked and poured out.
They once thought they would treat each other well and never imagined that one day they would stand in opposition and stab each other in the heart with weapons.
But this day came so soon, and they accepted it quickly without hesitation.
The courtyard where I had lived for several months was reduced to ruins. Even the doors and windows had sword marks and rotted into pieces, looking devastated.
The blades of their swords were pressed against each other’s throats. Only then did the fight stop.
It was already daybreak, Ji Jiu held up his sword, carefully examining the young and energetic face at a sword’s distance. The face was filled with anger and murderous intent.
Ji Jiu suddenly smiled, raised the corners of his lips, and said in a sarcastic arc: “If I were Shen Qingxuan, would you point the sword at me?"
Shen Jue’s hand, which had been holding the hilt of the sword steadily and powerfully, trembled at this sentence. The sharp blade left a small cut on Ji Jiu’s throat, and soon a trace of red blood flowed out.
The blood streak was shocking. Shen Jue threw away his sword and shouted, “Dad."
Ji Jiu’s calmness was shattered by this call. He grabbed Shen Jue’s collar, pushed him against the wall, put the sword on his neck, and asked angrily, “Who am I?!"
Shen Jue didn’t answer, and Ji Jiu’s sword edge tightened a little, and the same bloodstain appeared on Shen Jue’s throat. Shen Jue said, “It’s Ji Jiu."
Ji Jiu sneered and continued to ask: “Who is your father?"
Shen Jue hesitated for a moment, and the pressure on his neck increased. Shen Jue said, “It’s Shen Qingxuan."
——It’s Shen Qingxuan.
Ji Jiu held the hilt of the sword and stabbed at him. Shen Jue’s heart trembled , but he closed his eyes.
The long sword pierced into the loess wall beside his face. Ji Jiu’s eyes were red as he spoke one sentence at a time: “You said you have been looking for me for more than a hundred years and you want to be attached to me and rely on me. Ji Jiu acknowledges this and will give you everything I can give."
“I’m cruel?" Ji Jiu laughed, and his voice suddenly turned cold: “You can try how it feels to be insulted in front of your wife."
“You will know what it means to live a life worse than death. But I have to suppress all my disgust and tell myself that this is the lover who has been looking for me for more than a hundred years. No matter how bad he is, I can’t kill him, otherwise Ji Jiu will be a beast!"
“Isn’t Ji Jiu treating you well enough?"
He said, almost shouting, with a kind of hysterical madness.
“Because of your attachment, Ji Jiu abandoned his wife who had worked so hard for him for so many years. Because of your hard work over the past hundred years, Ji Jiu must accept the adopted son and lover left behind by his previous life, and face you day and night, and treat you well."
“You ask for whatever you want from Ji Jiuyu, but you keep asking Shen Qingxuan to be reborn!"
“To you, Ji Jiu is nothing more than Shen Qingxuan’s skin. You can do whatever you want to him, but you still have to be grateful to him for your hard search for more than a hundred years, right?!"
“Why?" Ji Jiu said, “Why should I be nice to you? I know that the person you want is Shen Qingxuan, but I still have to take care of you for him?"
“Come and tell me, why?"
Ji Jiu said, his eyes red and his face solemn.
“If you meet two beggars and give one tael and the other two taels of silver, the one who took the one tael will not only not be grateful to you, but will turn around and scold you for being stingy. This is human nature."
“When the wall collapsed, instead of helping, they scolded their neighbors for not helping. This is human nature.
“When you give birth to a son, you invite your neighbors to a banquet. Then the neighbors who can’t give birth to a son eat your food and curse your son to die early. This is human nature!"
“You, father and son, are one of a kind!"
Shen Jue came back to his senses after a long period of daze. He was speechless for a moment and could only call out mournfully, “Dad."
Ji Jiu stared at him, his eyes were cold and sharp, like a knife on Shen Jue’s face, cutting through his flesh and blood, going straight to his soul, “Who are you calling? Shen Qingxuan or Ji Jiu?"
Shen Jue was silent.
“Answer me, Shen Qingxuan or Ji Jiu?" Ji Jiu looked grim and intimidating, like a cold mountain pressing down on him, making him breathless. Shen Jue looked at him for a long time before slowly saying, “It’s Shen Qingxuan."
After saying this, Shen Jue closed his eyes and whispered, “I’m sorry."
Ji Jiu let him go.
Throwing away the scabbard, he slowly walked back to the bamboo chair and sat down, closing his eyes again. Ji Jiu said, “Let’s go."
Shen Jue bent down, picked up his sword, went back to his room to pack his bag, stood in front of him again, and left quietly without saying a word.
Ji Jiu sat motionless on the chair, and as the sunlight above his head moved sideways, he seemed to have turned into a stone statue.
He knew they would leave, just as they had appeared suddenly, tearing his life into rags and then quietly leaving.
But they are demons, with supreme magical powers and extraordinary abilities, and he is just a tiny mortal and can only be at their mercy.
Otherwise, what else can we do?
In their hearts, Ji Jiu, a living person, does not exist.
Even in this case, Ji Jiu could not complain, otherwise he would be cold-blooded and heartless. And Ji Jiu was too tired to complain anymore.
That’s it.
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